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This is a photograph of Andrei Tarkovsky.

Andrei Tarkovsky was a Russian filmmaker known for his unique visual and narrative style.

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His films are known for their beautiful and stark imagery.

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His films are also known for having long periods of time where nothing fucking happens.

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Contents

Personal Life

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Andrei Tarkovsky was born in Russia.

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This is a photograph of a rock wall. Stare at it for fifteen minutes while you contemplate the nature of man.

Cinematic Style

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Tarkovsky’s films are known for many things.

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Dripping Water

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Plink; nothing Plink; nothing Plink; nothing Plink; nothing Plink; nothing

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Plink; nothing nothing Plink; nothing nothing Plink; nothing nothing Plink; nothing

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Use of a Color Filter, or Colored Film

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This man is blue.

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Many of Tarkovsky’s films have scenes that are shot with the use of a color filter.

This often denotes that the scene is of special significance, or that it is somehow different from other scenes.

It is common for dreams and personal reflections to be shot in this manner.

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Levitation

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These people are floating in the air.

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Tarkovsky had a fascination with people levitating.

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He would often work this into his films regardless of how little sense it made.

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Lengthy Scene of Exposition

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It is not uncommon for Tarkovsky to employ at least one scene where someone explains something in great detail. This person is typically a knowledgeable man, like a professor or a scientist. More often than not, he will be smoking a cigarette and conduct himself with an air of confidence. However, this person’s authority will be challenged; his expertise called into question by something larger than himself. Figments of the metaphysical realm will then confound this man, and he will be unable to cope with what he is presented with. This man will then proceed to have something of a breakdown at the emotional and spiritual level. How can he be expected to understand with what he has just been subjected to? How can the worldly outlook of this man ever be the same, now that his limited view on existence has been destroyed? This man will become violent, and shout things like NO! NO! NO! repeatedly. He will usually start whimpering or struggling on the ground. At some point, it will start raining, which ties into the Dripping Water motif. Then, he will fall silent, and there will be a moment of meditative silence.

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This man cannot understand the true nature of what he has experienced.

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Plink; nothing nothing Plink; nothing nothing Plink; nothing nothing Plink; nothing nothing Plink; nothing nothing Plink; nothing nothing Plink;

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Women Writhing on the Ground due to Extreme Emotional Distress

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This woman cannot understand the true nature of what she has experienced.

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Often times Tarkovsky will subject his female characters to extreme emotional distress.

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This will cause them to writhe on the ground for an extended period of time.

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Filmography

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Tarkovsky made many films in this unique style of his.

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Here are some of the films he made:

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Andrei Rublev

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This man is contemplating the nature of art and its relationship to the human condition.

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Andrei Rublev is about a Russian Icon painter.

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It features many scenes of men with beards looking contemplative.

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Solaris

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Kris Kelvin is contemplating how he can communicate with his dead wife.

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Solaris is about a scientist named Kris Kelvin.

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He travels to a space station to investigate a sentient planet that makes thoughtforms of dead people out of neutrinos from the memories of the people on the space station.

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It does not make sense.

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The Mirror

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This man with no prior context within or outside of the film is contemplating something.

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The Mirror is a film about many things.

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No one is sure what any of those things are.

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Stalker

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These three men are contemplating something.

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Stalker is a film about three men who take a hike in the Zone.

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Plink; nothing nothing Plink; nothing nothing Plink; nothing nothing Plink; nothing

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They learn much.

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Nostalghia

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“Listen, Andrei, I just don't care anymore! I don't care about how many ideas you stole from Il deserto rosso, I don't care about how untranslatable your father's fucking poems are, I just don't care!” [exposes breast]

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Nostalghia sucks.

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The Sacrifice

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Tarkovsky dedicated this film to his son.

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It features many scenes of people looking scared.

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This woman is scared.

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This man is scared.

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This woman is also scared.

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Death

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Andrei Tarkovsky died.

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See Also

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Filmmakers of the World (and America)
Epic Visionaries

Michelangelo Antonioni | Ingmar Bergman | Don Bluth | Peter Bogdanovich | Tim Burton | Charlie Chaplin | Coen Brothers | Clint Eastwood | Federico Fellini | Terry Gilliam | Norman Grossfeld | Alfred Hitchcock | John Hughes | Jim Jarmusch | Charlie Kaufman | Abbas Kiarostami | Stanley Kubrick | Sergio Leone | David Lynch | Martin Scorsese | Steven Spielberg | Quentin Tarantino | Andrei Tarkovsky | Orson Welles | Robert Rodriguez | Zack Snyder

Not-So-Epic Visionaries

Michael Bay | Mel Gibson | Uwe Boll | John Carpenter | Kevin Costner | David Cronenberg | Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer | Peter Jackson | George Lucas | Dolph Lundgren | McG | Guy Ritchie | George Romero | Eli Roth | M. Night Shyamalan | Blitz Smith | Kevin Smith | Alan Smithee | Sylvester Stallone | Ben Stiller | Billy Bob Thornton | John Woo | Ed Wood | Rob Zombie

Highly Respected in France

Woody Allen | Darren Aronofsky | Mel Brooks | Jean-Luc Godard | Fritz Lang | Jerry Lewis | Rob Schneider | François Truffaut

Highly Confusing in Japan

Dario Argento | Akira Kurosawa | Russ Meyer | Hayao Miyazaki | Mr. Takashi of Japan

Highly Disturbing in Mexico

Guillermo del Toro

Highly Racist in Suid-Afrika

Neill Blomkamp

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This article uses material from the "Andrei Tarkovsky" article on the Uncyclopedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.

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