Ash Ketchum: Wikis


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“Wait...I thought Ash stood for Ashley...that's a dude!?!? Aw, goddamnit...”
~ Creepers on Ash
“This kid needs some school.”
~ Scott The Destroyer on this dumb kid
“He has gotta catch'em all”
“Ash was the finest 10 year old ass That I have gotten in a dog age." ”
~ Prof. Oak
“Gotta Catch'em all”
~ Himself on STD
“He got turned into a Pikachu in 2004." ”
~ Brock on Ash being turned into a Pikachu
Ash taking out his obnoxiously, horny emo angst on Mother Nature. Damn jackass.

Ash is a very common volcanic eruption product that stars in the hit Reality Show Pokemon. The purported name "Ash Ketchum" comes from how volcanic ash buries just about ANYTHING.

That's Ash on the left.

Ash/Ass/Ashley Ketchum/Ketchup/Ketchump/Ketchcum (March 23, 1995 - June 24, 2007) often dresses in his mom's clothes pretending to be a girl called Misty. Why do ya think Brock never fell for Misty? But how come we see Ash and Misty at the same time? That Ash is merely a robot controlled by Pikachu. When You don't see Misty, that's the real Ash. He also possess a Michael Jackson Award in Long-term Postponing of Puberty. Even at the age of twenty-three, he remains physically and mentally a dumb shit ten-year-old, although--due to the handy changing of voice actors--his voice has recently grown deeper. This may be a sign of his balls finally dropping. Experts estimate that, at this rate, Ash should begin shamelessly hitting on Misty by season 38. Of course, by then, she and Brock will have started a pimping business, so he'll be out of luck. Pika-pika indeed!

Contents

Pre-Pokemon Age

Ash in Season 9, flashing Max while May watches. Initially this was a video but the next 15 minutes were cut due to counts of rape, PokePhilia, murder, incest, bestiality, and Mudkips.
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Ash in 1999

Ash at a young age had to go into therapy, for he had a confrontation with a Pikachu, and a bunch of Mudkips from a far away region. They all just fucked the hell out of his tight little butthole. O No one believed young Ash for for some reason their advanced technology did not allow them to contact the other region, or have people from other regions bring their "advanced" pokemon, so in terms they did not exist to Ash's hometown region

Ash is known to ask the wrong people for a pokemon battle. This was taken when he asked Dirty Harry. Obviously the PokePunk wasn't feeling lucky, and it made Harry's day.

Before becoming an acclaimed actor in Pokemon, Ash did many great things. Very many.

When Ash was first given life by the cool Brotherhood (When he was baby-napped), he realized he would be different from all the other cool kids. Not only would he keep his geekism secret, a great feat as marked in "The Book of The Geeks", but he would make Japan what it is today. When the Lord Hobo handed Ash his token vest, jeans and biking gloves, he whispered in Ash's ear, "I kick the water after dark," and Ash understood it as what it meant, and then Ash headed out of the giant ricepaper fortress and across the Ug'Kache Gate into our realm.

Please, pull the trigger...

He returned to Pallet town after 10 years of training to be the Pokemon Master and Number One Hobo, to start his quest. And fuck his milf of a mother.

Pokemon Age

Anyone past the age of two knows the story: after 10 seasons and 850 episodes, Pokemon still hasn't lost its steam for many reasons. The show took a new turn; Pikachu (Ash) was successfully kidnapped by Team Rocket, causing Ash to commit suicide. Details are below. The show still trickles on, however, somewhere in season 11, with Brock as the new lead.

Ash was accepted into the reality show, Pokemon, at the age of ten. Like any good cool kid, he stole a bike 17 minutes into the show from Misty, who was tacked into the show. They traveled together until meeting Brock, the only cool person on the show.

Role In Pokemon

You were the chosen one, you were meant to destroy the sith not join them.

Ash, being the main character, was the role model for millions of kids. He danced around the screen, controlled by Misty aka his sister, and later Max, and later Dawn and later the dark lord Satan. He is generally considered a kind of hippy hobo pimp as he has a knack for getting young girls to follow him in whatever foreign lands he goes, then he discards them after he's finished using them and starts anew making sure to change his appearance ever so slightly. He is best friends with Brock the jock who is one of his scouters hounding down many women especially if their a nurse or policewoman. He engages in Pokemon Battles, using the weakest smallest and generally most pathetic pokemon only allowing a handful of pokemon to evolve into badassery. But he wins thanks to the fact he uses a game shark giving all his pokemon crazy stats as well as game breaking abilities like lightning attacks working on ground types. His Pikachu, struck by God's Lighting, is so powerful it wins anyways. Despite coming across nearly every legendary pokemon he has yet to attempt catching one further adding to the long list proving his stupidity. Oh, and Ash is the death bringer to all bikes belonging to girls, which the victim bike's owner would stalk him until he pays back for the bike and will anal probe him in his sleep every night if he doesn't.

Ash is popular and is very much well liked. Well, not really...

Family

Ash is the role model for millions of children.

Ash's family life was complicated and difficult. Raised by a single mother, Ash has never met his father. Many have speculated that Ash's father is the 707584 year old Professor Oak, the Pokemon researcher living suspiciously close by. Other potential fathers include, Giovanni, Satan, Lee Kuan Yew, Dave Grohl, Mr. Mime, Mrs. Ketchum (which makes us wonder who the mother is), Maati from the planeteers, the Force, Darth Vader, M Bison and everyone and anything else in the world of Pokemon. The high quantity of potential father's leads one to believe that Mrs. Ketchum spent 12 years as a trainer under the service of Professor Elm of New Bark Town who owned an escort service called the "Pokemon". Ash's mother has never asked much of him. All she ever wanted was for him to change his underpants, but I guess that was too much.

His mother had disinherited him because She had caught him jerking off to Her Old Sex tapes (with a faceless person who could have been Oak. Which explains Ash's Distinct Urge to Squash and rape any and all Pokemon He sees, with the exception of Snorlax who Sat on and snapped his Pikachu...) He is seen Engaging in certain questionable activities with his partner Pikachu, He also starred in the documentary on "finger digging" as He was a expert at it (presumably from his many years of practice with Brock)

Relationships

Brock prepares to give Ash his daily 'Surprise buttsecks'.

While many think that Ash cares about Misty, he actually doesn't. Ash thinks May is a pile of dung shaped into human form, but after his balls dropping, he and May started to have hot sex every time they meet. This is because of her over developed jugs, and because ash lacks taste in women However, he seems to have the hots for Dawn time to time cause he thinks Dawn is actually a male cross dresser. Rumor has it that he slept with Brock from time-to-time. It is quite obvious that Ash loves Pikachu more than anything. If Pikachu was in danger, he'd do anything to save him, he'd even sacrifice his own friends to the death god Zarathustra, which he did in episode 90072, "Dawn gets raped again because she is a slut Part Seven". Its also rumored he had a torrid affair with Snorlax, until he found out he was being cheated on with Dawn. He hasn't spoken to Snorlax since.

Also, I'm going to spare your minds directly, but I'll give you one word that belongs in this section to ponder:

Latias.

Enough said. Ash is a PokePerv

In recent years police have found that Professor Oak had once raped and molested Ash in the basement of his lab. Ash told the police that he would, "touch him where he peed" and that Professor Oak would tell Ash to, "Put his hand down his pants and feel for his Picachu"

Pokémon

Ash doing what he does best.

When ash turned 10 all he really wanted to do was catch pokemon and become a pokemon master but he stayed up all night making sure he had the correct number of underpants so his obsessive mother wouldn't beat him again. By the time he fell asleep it was pat the time he was supposed to get his pokemon. Gary's pedophile girlfriends were cheering him on and Gary Spoiler got squirtle. Ash was really pissed because he wanted squirtle he ended up being given pikachu ash never moved on and still resents pikachu till this day Ash often does well throughout the series until the end where he always loses rendering the entire series pointless he then always accuse the trainers that they used an action replay to cheat.

Death

Professor Oak first meeting Ash. He's not a girl, you cockamanian twit!
Ash Ketchum, after his her his her third sex change.

One June 24, 2007, Ash was killed in a recent Pokemon Diamond and Pearl episode. In the episode, a rabid Igglybuff was determined to kill Pikachu, who was separated from Ash in an earlier event in the episode. At the climax, Igglybuff is about to deliver a fatal blow to Pikachu when Ash jumps in front of Pikachu and has Igglybuff's curl go through his heart. Ash, in his dying seconds manages to force a smile and a single tear drop and Ash falls dead. The Igglybuff is then killed by Pikachu afterwards. An emo funeral is attended by all of Ash's friends over the years, including Team Rocket and all sixteen of the Elite Four.

Revival and afterwards

Main article: Latios and Latias
Main article: Altoshipping

Latias brought Ash back to life and purified him by sacrificing two police officers who shot him after he apparently died then came back to life during his funeral and was shot as a zombie. Then Latias broke that purity by - c|NO NO NO NO DON'T GIVE US A BLOW BY BLOW DEPICTION!!!!!!! WE DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR SICK PERVERTED STORY!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Burial

He was finally buried next to Oscar Wilde and Pikachu (Ash) on Kashyyyk, 13/86/2109.

Love-Life

Ash's good looks, allowed him to call the attention of cute slutty young girls who followed him throughout sparse seasons. But Ash paid no intention to the girls for he was stricken with a terrible disease called Homosexuality. He made it his life goal to "Gotta' Fuck Em' All!". He traveled with his "Main Squeeze" Brock. He was followed by tight-pussy Hermaphrodite Pikachu. But his goal was clear fuck every single pokemon, (perferably male), Prof of every region, and Mew Two who continually evaded him.

Achievements

He came up with the idea to catch a Ditto, wrap it around his cock. And Force it to transform into a rather large penis.

See also


This article uses material from the "Ash" article on the Uncyclopedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.







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