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This page has been screened by FOX News™ for authenticity and impartiality, and has been given terror-proof protection for her pleasure. While this may be difficult to imagine, there persists a segment of the population who haven't fully embraced the qualities of the greatest President in world history. Click on the following link for a first-hand look at the alternative conspiracy-laden view: The Biography of President George W. Bush as written by heathens. Please also note that no other alternative views exist.
George Walker “Texas Ranger” Bush
George Walker “Texas Ranger” Bush
Term of office: 2001
Preceded by: Slick Willie Blythe
Succeeded by: Hope 'n' Change
Date of birth: June 6, 1946
Place of birth: New Heaven, Connecticut
First Lady: Laura Welch Bush
Political party: Republican

The Right Honorable George W. Bush was the 43st and final President of the United States. He was sworn into office on January 20, 2001 after winning an indisputable victory over Al Gore, re-elected by a landslide majority on November 2, 2004, and sworn in for a second term on January 20, 2005. Prior to his presidency, President Bush served for six years as the 46th Governor of the state of Texas, where he earned a reputation as a bipartisan and compassionate conservative, and shaped public policy based on the principles of limited government, personal responsibility, strong families, and local control. Following Bush's inauguration, the governorship of Texas has been left permanently open by action of the US Senate, based on the understanding that no one could possibly match the achievements of such a predecessor. It is assumed that an equivalent elimination of office will occur to the American presidency upon Bush's death, which will naturally end what historians are already calling “America's Golden Presidency”. In addition to this, he is considered one of the most influential political philosophers of his time. Bush is also noted for his eloquent speech.


Short Biography

President Bush (or ”W”, short for “wonderful” to his friends) was born on July 6, 1946, in New Heaven. He received a master's degree in history from Yale University in 1968, much like the first Jesus, and then served as an F-102 fighter pilot in the Texas Air National Guard where he earned a Lone Star Medal of Honor, two Adjunct General's Individual Awards, and five purple hearts. President Bush received a Master of Business Administration from Harvard Business School in 1975.

Following graduation, he moved back to Midland and began a profitable career in the energy business, demonstrating that hard work and a solid track record are what leads to corporate success in America, not family ties. After working on his father’s successful 1988 Presidential campaign, President Bush assembled the group of partners who purchased the Texas Rangers baseball franchise in 1989, for which he later masterminded a profit-turning sale. His selfless acts of heroism during these years are documented in the hit series Walker, Texas Ranger. On November 8, 1994, President Bush was elected as the final Governor of Texas.

President Bush is married to Laura Welch Bush, a former teacher and librarian who was the inspiration for June Cleaver on the popular television show "Leave It To Beaver". They have twin daughters, Barbara and Jenna. The Bush family also includes two dogs, Barney and Miss Beazley, and a cat, Willie.

Notable Acts as President

Bush kicked ass back in "the war."

Since becoming President, Bush has worked with Congress to create an ownership society and build a future of security, prosperity, and opportunity for all Americans.

Sympathetic to the tax burden on the common man, he signed into law tax relief that helps workers keep more of their hard-earned money. In a series of three separate tax cuts, Bush helped end economically disastrous taxation policies and move America to a more free-market economy, leading to an unsurpassed surge both in stock market prices and federal and state budgets.

After the terrorist attacks in 2001, Bush introduced and later signed the USA PATRIOT Act. This patriotic act keeps America free. As of 2006, several unpatriotic members of Congress have decided to oppose freedom and try to get parts of the act repealed. However, thanks to Bush's decisive leadership, it still protects America.

God hand-picks George W. Bush for President in 2000 when Florida is unable to make up its mind. (Dramatization)

He additionally drafted and signed the most comprehensive education reform in a generation, the No Child Left Behind Act of 2001. The effects of the act are threefold. Firstly, it is meant to ensure that no children are left behind. Secondly, it admonishes corporal punishment, particularly that which is administered towards left buttocks. Thirdly, it follows the aims of the Left Behind series of biology textbooks by affirming that Darwin's theory of natural selection is no "truer" than anything else scientists choose to call a "theory", thus empowering students to make their own choices without the distractions of propaganda or misinformation.

President Bush has also tirelessly worked to improve healthcare and modernize Medicare, providing the first-ever prescription drug benefit for seniors. Numerous TV news spots have touted the benefits of this bipartisan bill. If you have not yet had a chance to see them, please contact Karen Ryan at Home Front Communications co/PR Desk for your own copies.

Additional achievements of the president include increasing home-ownership, especially among minorities, including special, first-of-its-kind protection for the white, middle class male minority; "conserving our environment" (fiscal and otherwise); and increasing military strength, pay, benefits, and opportunities.

Because President Bush believes the strength of America lies in the hearts, souls, and minds of our citizens, he has supported programs that encourage individuals to help their neighbors in need. The TIPS program reaffirms America's selflessness and trust of its fellow citizens, allowing everyone from the meter maid to the postman to help out in keeping each other safe from terrorists, who we are reminded could look just like everyone else.

The War on Terror

Bush on a recent humanitarian missionary to Iraq.

On the morning of September 11, 2001, driven by little but a pure hatred of freedom, terrorists attacked the United States. During and after the attacks, members of both American political parties united around Bush, applauding the foresight demonstrated by his both being and remaining President at the time. Many Democrats now sheepishly admit they would have surrendered immediately instead. Bush's ability to remain calm under fire (demonstrated by reading a book to calm the children's nerves) earned him high approval ratings which have stayed consistent throughout his administration.

Since that day, Bush has taken unprecedented steps to protect not only America, but the whole of the world, using his power to make terrorism both illegal and impossible. Under his administration, violence resulting from terrorism has decreased, with the help of former United Nations Ambassador John Negroponte, and foreign policy expert Condoleezza Rice. Having honorably served in the armed forces has helped him bond with the troops under his command. He has also discontinued the controversial practice of soldiers dying in vain, instead guaranteeing "a rationale for every casualty."[1]

The President is confident that by helping build free and prosperous societies, America and its friends and allies will succeed in making every single country on Earth more secure and peaceful. This is known as the "Domino Theory", a model whereby peace and freedom cascade, crashing across the land into a peaceful scattering of countries, the fallen dominoes crushing all smaller objects that aren't dominoes in their path.

The War for the Liberation of Iraq

On March 19, 2003 at 9:00 PM GMT, Iraqi dictator and Al-Qaeda leader Saddam Hussein, citing his authority as a hater of freedom, and stating his belief that retaliation would never occur, declared his intention to repeat the devastation of the 9/11 attacks with a combination of biological, nuclear and chemical weapons of mass destruction. Over the course of four hours frequently compared in tenseness to the Cuban missile crisis, Bush overcame the stern resistance of such historically "dovish" countries as France, Germany, Japan, and Italy, and authorized a preemptive strike on Baghdad by the following day.

Within weeks, terrorist forces loyal to Saddam Hussein were overpowered. Presently, the country is on the road to a record-pace reconstruction despite the best efforts of the liberal American media to encourage violence.

While decisive leadership by Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld was negotiating this catastrophically successful victory, Saddam had, as it turns out, already smuggled out all of the weapons of mass destruction from the country into North Korea, Syria, and Iran, which are presently preparing to use them against the United States homeland. Bush is currently working to overcome world resistance against launching wars for the liberation of the Iranian and North Korean people.

North Korea's bids for notoriety have so far been reluctantly rewarded with diplomatic discussions, which will naturally become irrelevant by the time freedom cascades its way into the country; see previous section. Bush has continued taking the War on Terror to the enemies of freedom before they can come to us.

Hurricane Katrina

Contrary to Kanye West's brash statements, some of President Bush's best friends are black.

On August 29, 2005, Hurricane Katrina made landfall on the Gulf Coast and caused widespread damage, including flooding New Orleans. Despite harsh criticism from liberal pundits such as Kanye West, Bush wasted no time in dispatching FEMA to the scene. Due to his love of the city, its traditions, and all of its people, including its black people, Bush gave numerous conferences while he rallied the nearly full strength Louisiana National Guard to go on rescue missions. African-American Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice helped secure cooperation from other nations, while Michael Brown, who has several close black friends, helped establish aid for those who had been rescued. Thanks to funding secured by the President, the city is being rebuilt to all of its glory, tradition, and especially ethnic diversity. In keeping with the relaxed and unhurried traditions of that once great city, this is happening at a leisurely pace.

Women's Rights

During his term in office, President Bush has worked with the Attorney General's office to help ensure a woman's right to give birth. The President also encourages more women to take important positions in the nation's military, due to his strong belief that women are as equally capable of operating the photocopiers and taking dictation as men.

Third Term?

George W. Bush had espionage skills that allowed him to infiltrate the organizations of some of the cruellest terrorist groups.
Main article: John McCain

Near the end of Bush's second term, Americans from all walks of life were calling for him to run again in 2008. However, he can't do this because liberal elites decided that the people shouldn't get to elect someone more than twice,[1] so Bush promised America that he will appoint a Republican nominee to act as a "surrogate president," continuing the policies of America's Golden Presidency into the next decade.

However, in 2007, Bush graciously announced that, instead of hand-picking his successor himself, he'd let his supporters choose his successor in a series of primary elections, though their choice would still be subject to his approval. On March 5, 2008, Bush officially approved of John McCain, the man patriotic Americans from across the nation chose to carry out a third Bush term.

Despite cracking down on Georgia voters who committed fraud by voting before election day, John McCain failed to defeat Democratic nominee Barack Obama. Since this put the safety of the American people at risk, George W. Bush declared himself president for an unprecedented third term on January 20, 2009.

Famous Quotes

George Bushes
Other Bushes
Related Links

George Bush has always been a master quotesman, and is continually quoted on nearly every subject one could think of. The large number of quotes that are attributed to him is partly to do with his unique speech style: constantly mixing remarkable insight into human nature with his trademark wit and humor. Here a a few of the most famous examples -

"There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America."

~ on America

"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."

~ on war

"A peace is of the nature of a conquest; for then both parties nobly are subdued, and neither party loser."

~ on peace

"The pundits like to slice and dice our country into red states and blue states: red states for Republicans, blue states for Democrats. But I've got news for them, too. We are one people, all of us pledging allegiance to the stars and stripes, all of us defending the United States of America."

~ on bipartisanship

"Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught."

~ on education

"When you know a thing, to hold that you know it; and when you do not know a thing, to allow that you do not know it – this is knowledge."

~ on knowledge

"We have perhaps a natural fear of ends. We would rather be always on the way than arrive. Given the means, we hang on to them and often forget the ends."

~ on the future


  1. State of the Union 2004

See also

External links

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