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Up to date as of February 05, 2010
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Captain Obvious
Date of birth Unknown
Marital Status Divorced
Home Earth. Obviously.
Occupation Superhero
Powers Unknown
Weakness Thai food
“I'm Captain Obvious. Obviously”
~ Captain Obvious on Captain Obvious
“I think right here would be a good place for an Oscar Wilde quote”
~ Captain Obvious on The best place for an Oscar Wilde quote
“Ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny”
~ Captain Obvious Impostor on Evolutionary Biology
“This is an article about me, Captain Obvious.”
~ Captain Obvious on this article
“You are <insert name here>. Obviously.”
~ Captain Obvious on you
<insert name here> is reading this article”
~ Captain Obvious on this article
“If at first you don't succeed, you fail.”
~ Captain Obvious on success and failure
“I'm a man, so I'm not a woman.”
~ Captain Obvious on his biological gender
George W. Bush was a president.”
~ Captain Obvious on George W. Bush
“She is the easiest lay from here to the Czech Republic.”
~ Captain Obvious on Yo momma
“船長明顯說明了顯而易見的.”
~ Captain Obvious's Chinese Counterpart on Captain Obvious
“キャプテン・オビアスはいつも当たり前の事を言う。”
~ Captain Obvious's Japanese Counterpart on Captain Obvious
“كابتن الفريق واضحة هو واضح ، واضح. أنا أكره أمريكا.”
~ Captain Obvious's Terrorist Counterpart on Captain Obvious
“In all of the above quotes, I am stating the obvious.”
~ Captain Obvious on the above quotes
“Surely these words have some sort of meaning.”
~ Captain Obvious on the dictionary
“Я русский капитан. Так-то!”
~ Captain Obvious's Russian Counterpart on Captain Obvious
“His sayings are not very correct,I guess.”
~ Captain Obvious on Captain Liar
“My costume is based on Captain America's costume.”
~ Captain Obvious on his costume

Captain Obvious is a superhero. That is, he is one of those guys who fights bad guys, supervillains, and evil-doers. The name "Captain" is purely symbolic. Captain Obvious does not hold the rank of Captain in the Army, Navy, Air Force, Coast Guard, Marines, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration Commissioned Corps, the United States Public Health Service Commissioned Corps, The Salvation Army, nor any Police or Fire Department. Nor is he licensed to fly commercial or cargo aircraft or pilot fishing boats or cargo vessels, meaning that in a situation where he would have to pilot one of these vehicles and he was asked by a duly authorised official to prove that he had the legal right to do so, he would not be able to.

His symbol is a large "O". This is the circular image on his chest, identical to the letter used elsewhere; however, its use in such instances does not necessarily pertain to Captain Obvious. The "O" stands for "Obvious", rather than "Oklahoma", "Oregon", "Osama bin Laden", "Orange", "Ombudsman", "Obama" or any number of other words which begin with an "O". He sometimes carries a large shield with him, though this is primarily to stop his own team mates from beating the shit out of him. His main rival is Professor Subtle against whom he battles in many comic book and television episodes, but Professor Subtle never fails to reappear in subsequent episodes. This could be because Captain Obvious has failed to apprehend or destroy Professor Subtle in any way.

Captain Obvious is not to be confused with Mr. Obvious, who simply happens to have Obvious as a family name, as Captain Obvious pointed out in page 12 of his autobiography:

Note: This is not how Captain Obvious would appear in real life.

Nor is Captain Obvious to be confused with Captain Oblivious, his twin brother.

He first rose through the ranks of the Professor Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters to join the X-Men. His actual superpowers are known by very few. Some speculate that it has something to do with levitation, super intelligence, or raising the dead. Whatever it was, most people forget that he has any superpowers, and eventually the name 'Captain Obvious' caught on.

Captain Obvious on the Titanic.

He was first brought into the X-Men for his intelligence and vocalness, which quickly drove the group mad. He managed to demonstrate a moderate degree of usefulness when he was able to annoy and distract an evil-doer (a time-travelling evil mutant clone of the Silver Surfer) with his obvious statements, which gave the X-Men time to infiltrate the villain's lair. However, he earned few points with them for this performance because the X-Men were only infiltrating to rescue Captain Obvious. He was later expelled from the X-Men due to his numerous bouts of obviousness. The final straw came when Magneto broke into the X-Men's headquarters after Captain Obvious hid the key under a doormat, making off with Professor X's CD collection and the team's X-box.

His expulsion may also have been related to the non-professional nature of his relationship with his sidekick, Readily Apparent Boy. Although group members did not disapprove of such relationships (the JLA readily tolerated a clandestine relationship between a certain bat-themed hero and his sidekick), the indiscreet nature of the relationship - including flirting in public and spats in crowded restaurants - drew unwanted attention to the Justice League. "I mean, it really wouldn't have been a problem," said Superman in an interview, "If they didn't have to make it just so freakin'... ya know... obvious."

Contents

Secret Identity???

Captain Obvious may also be an alias of Banksy.

Though Captain Obvious vehemently denies this (over and over), it has been suggested by some people that Captain Obvious and Mr. Obvious are, in fact, the same person. Those people cite examples of how whenever Captain Obvious leaps into action, it's always right after Mr. Obvious conspicuously leaves, loudly saying "I'm leaving now, but not to do anything interesting! I'm certainly not switching to my superhero identity, which of course, I do not have, as most people do not!"

These conspiracy nuts, however, are always disproved instantly. The fact that Captain Obvious has stated on many occasions that he is probably not Mr. Obvious (nudge nudge wink wink), or that it would simply be way too obvious, are commonly accepted as proof.

A new theory recently circulated that Captain Obvious is in fact the Guy from the Ronseal Paint Adverts. That, or it's <insert name here>.

Captain Obvious and Pop Culture

One of the many road signs made by Captain Obvious.
Captain Obvious strikes again, this time letting a cat know that it is a cat.
Another of Captain Obvious's signs from his Campaign

This inability of Captain Obvious to stick with any particular group has also hurt his cultural standing. An entire thirty minutes were cut from the first X-Men film to eliminate his role, due to the sheer 'predictability' of the character. He appeared once on The O'Reilly Factor in a historic appearance that lasted all of ten seconds when he blurted out that "Wait a minute, this show isn't fair and balanced at all."

His comic book line sold out its first three issues, but sales quickly plummeted due to what readers complained was 'predictable writing.' These days he fills in minor roles, usually uttering phrases such as "That asteroid is heading straight toward us!" or "If we don't defuse this hydrogen bomb, the whole city will be destroyed!" His 900 page autobiography was also panned. In the book, titled 'This is a book about me, Captain Obvious', he admits what was already believed by many to be his greatest weakness.

“I think my constant exclusion may have something to do with how I always say the obvious.”
~ Captain Obvious on Page 22

His autobiography had the following chapters.

  1. The First Couple Pages
  2. My Birth. How Two Opposite Gender Adults Make Me
  3. My Body, and Its Many Features (Included specially detailed sections and diagrams on what his integral organs do, such as: his heart, his arms, and his vagina.)
  4. Growing Up. The Tough Obstacles I Endured Like Learning to Walk and Eat
  5. Yes, I've Actually Been Alive These Past 40 Years
  6. Puberty, A Time of Change In My Life
  7. That Time I Wrote an Autobiography, and the Kind of Stuff That Went Into It
  8. Yes, I Am Probably Going to Die Someday...
  9. This is The Last Chapter.

He has also starred in the following movies:

  • Captain Obvious saves Labor Day
  • Captain Obvious and the Terrorist
  • Captain Obvious kills Kwanzaa
  • Captain Obvious and "The Talk"

Fortune Teller?

Captain Obvious has also tried predicting the future. Here are a few examples of his predictions.

“People all over the world will have to purchase a new calendar within the next twelve months.”
~ Captain Obvious on the future
“Within two to three years the price of stamps will increase by an amount.”
~ Captain Obvious on the future
“Someone will die today.”
~ Captain Obvious on the future
“Someone will be born today.”
~ Captain Obvious on the future
“You will eat food within the next 30 days.”
~ Captain Obvious on the future
“Tomorrow will be another day.”
~ Captain Obvious on the future
“The future is coming.”
~ Captain Obvious on the future
“Someone will breathe today.”
~ Captain Obvious on the future
“Within two... no, three..., no wait, ok two years, there will be a year that is divisible by 2.”
~ Captain Obvious on the future
“Indeed, current events may become past events, but always remember that there will, now and always, be future events in the future.”
~ Captain Obvious on the future
“In two years time, it will be two years in the future.”
~ Captain Obvious on the future
“I'm not a doctor, but if you don't have your heart put back in your chest, you may die soon.”
~ Captain Obvious on Lack of Medical Training, also the future
“At the sound of the tone, it will be the time it is supposed to be. As in not now, but the future”
~ Captain Obvious on the future

Enemies of Captain Obvious

“He's a bit rubbish.”
Captain Oblivious: Captain Obvious's worst enemy.

Captain Obvious' skills have managed to draw the attention of a number of super villains:

  • His opposite, twin brother and Arch-enemy Captain Oblivious
  • Obscure Man (Also a member of the United Nations.)
  • Major Devious
  • Commander Vague
  • Captain Speculation
  • The Sun
  • The Enigma
  • Colonel Thai Food
  • Captain No-so Obvious
  • Meatwad
  • Commander Coy
  • Dr. Doom and Dr. Evil (although to be fair, everybody fights Dr. Doom or Dr. Evil at least once or twice)
  • Professor Subtle
  • Algebra
  • Lord Durham
  • Bill Gates
  • Socrates he ends up in a stalemate with Capitan Obvious in a philosophy battle, for every question Socrates asked, Captain Obvious gave an obvious answer like "This guy asks too many questions" or "He asks a question for the fifth time", leading Socrates baffled that he cannot teach Captain Obvious anything if he keeps answering obvious answers that don't really answer his questions so he can figure out how to teach him.
  • everyone he quotes

Captain Obvious' UnNews Career

Recently due to Stan Lee's company being screwed over by Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton the Captain Obvious comic was canceled so Captain Obvious took up a career as News Anchor for the UnNews network:

  • UnNews:AVG Antivirus detects Microsoft Windows as a Virus
  • UnNews:The Real Economic Problem Revealed
  • UnNews:Uncyclopedia to get $100 billion dollar bailout to get Domain Name Back

See also

Cream of the Crap
This article was one of the Top 10 articles of 2006 (ish).
“There's also a note saying this article was on of the top 10 articles of 2006. But this article's over.”
~ Captain Obvious on the above template
“Unless you count the above quote. Then it's not over, until the end of said quote.”
~ Captain Obvious on the above quote
“And that one.”
~ Captain Obvious on the quote above this one
“This might be the last quote.”


:User:Zana_Dark
   v  d  e
People named "Captain"

America - Archer - Arrogant - Awesome - Beefheart - Bligh - Britain - Canada - Caveman - Charisma - Cook - Courageous - Crunch - D - Denial - Exaggeration - Feathersword - Falcon - Fishcake - General - Hook - Jack - Jack Sparrow - Janeway - Jesus - Kirk - Lamberton - Marvel - Marvel (other) - Morgan - N - Oblivious - Obvious - Omnipotent - Picard - Planet - Raccoon - Sarcasm - Scarlet - Selfish - Sisko - Slow - Ultra - Understatement - Vague - Video

“You should stop reading here. There's nothing left of the article.”
~ Captain Obvious on the end of the article
“This IS the last quote. However, it is not the last content on the page.”
~ Captain Obvious on this quote

This article was featured on 1 April 2006. Click here to see the featured version.

190px-Featured.png

Featured Article Featured version: 1 April 2006
This article has been featured on the front page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
Template:FA/01 April 2006Template:FA/2006
“Okay, there is the note saying this article has been featured, but now the article's over.”
~ Captain Obvious on the above template
“Except for that last quote. And this one.”
~ Captain Obvious on the true end of the article
“Or is it”
~ Captain Obvious on suggesting some more of this article
“Yeah I guess this is the end”
~ Captain Obvious on summarizing this article
“Wait that last quote was the end. And this one”
~ Captain Obvious on Finally concluding this article

This article uses material from the "Captain Obvious" article on the Uncyclopedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.

Wackypedia

Up to date as of February 07, 2010

From Wackypedia

  • "This page is about me." -Captain Obvious
  • "No, its about ME!" - Captain Oblivious

Captain obviOUS!

He is a superhero who speaks using bubbles with blurred-out words.

Captain Obvious talking to a random faller-by.
What!? Now he's making the whole place blurry!
Until this happens.

This article uses material from the "Captain Obvious" article on the Wackypedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.

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