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Uncyclopedia

Up to date as of February 05, 2010

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

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You may be looking for Order of the Communist Pear and not even know it!
This article refers to the political ideology. For the Soviet political party, see CCCP.
Josef Stalin was an evil totalitarian dictator, masquerading as a communist.
“Drink Vodka, Fuck America!”
~ Lenin on Communism

Communism is the perfect form of government, although many capitalist organisations such as Corporate America portray it as an evil and exploitative regime.

Communism has never existed, anywhere in the world. It is a mistake to call the USSR, its gulags, China, North Korea, Vietnam, hippie communes, kibbutzim, or Cuba communist, but that's what a lot of uninformed idiots do. You idiots!

Sadly, all currently existing communist organisations (which are not really communist organizations really, er...) must be feeling pretty pissed off that they are not protected from being destroyed by imperialist groups, many of which, like the United States, are totally stupid.

Communist philosophy can be traced back to the ancient writings of Proletariat (not to be confused with The proletariat, which also has connections with The Red Menace). Communism can also be traced to Georg Hegel who, while not being political, planted ideas of opposites fighting into Karl Marx's head. As a matter of fact, Hegel, who was Marx's teacher, implanted a twin-personality schizophrenic disorder into Marx's mind before exploding, while laughing at his latest feat, in a fatal blow of TNT stuck in his anus by his frustrated student Friedrich Nietzsche. This resulted into the end of Hegel's long line of philosophical insanity, and in poor Marx's mind to be split in a bloody and neverending conflict between his "crappy bourgeois elitist" ego and his "romantic proletarian worker" other self, hence came his central theory of a "class struggle" governing the forces of History.

Also of note is the remarkable ability of communists to not only survive, but thrive, entirely on vodka and radiation.

Contents

The Real Communists

Soviets beating the shit out of America.

According to the Vatican, God created communism as a way to make an idea(l) society after he created Michael Jackson and Disneyland. The plan that works on paper has spread quickly, but it soon became fucked up like everything else. But will God accept this defeat so easily? HELL NO. After God learned communism failed, he killed Saddam. The trick to getting communism working is all in the sales name. Communism doesn't sell and will make your project fail (e.g.-Soviet Union, China, the US Senate). If you plan out how you are going to sell it might sometimes. The secret is to get the leaders so drunk that they do not know what is what then put a slip in front of them that says they will allow communism to become the one and only party there than you are all set. Fuck, I'm off track, well, Communism is like extraneous equations those weird ones that make sense on paper but will give your calculator a "syntax error." Communism can earn your citizens bad names, like goddamn fuckin' commies (bleedin' in Britain). If you want it to work, then it's called socialism. Socialism has a slicker sound to it and is not extraneous (e.g.Sweden, Denmark, Iceland, Canada).

Communists spend all day working for the people! (Themselves!)

History of Communism

You shall never be hungry again, comrade!
Communism in its modern form appeared in the mid-1800s when a scholar named Karl Marx pulled a Cheeto out of his belly button and blamed the smell coming from his index finger on people more ambitious than him. This inspired Marx to write a series of great texts that changed the world. The first of these texts was the Communist Manifesto. The Communist Manifesto was written with the intention of destroying capitalism by inspiring middle-class white teens to dress funny and smoke marijuana during the best earning years of their lives. It also inspired the Broadway play Les Miserables, but nobody cares about Broadway plays. The second, and generally more important text, was Das Kapital. Das Kapital outlined Marx's view of how the smell from his crotch migrated to his beard and eventually drove off all but the most offensive members of his social circle. Marx theorized that the ruling bourgeoisie L337 controlled society by getting off their asses and not bitching so much about fingers lost in machine lathes and shit like that.
Marx proposed that if everyone pretended to work and the government pretended to pay people, then pretty soon there would be nothing left to bitch about. Marx's dream was later picked up by the rock super group known as Lenin, Stalin and Trotsky (best known by the initials LS&T). Lenin decided to overthrow the government of a country of Orthodox hicks to implement Marx's dream of Communist bliss. However, the band broke over creative differences between Stalin and Trotsky. Stalin eventually went on to a successful solo career. Lenin died shortly after the break up. Trotsky was later shot in the head by a deranged groupie named John Hinkley who thought killing Trotsky would impress Jodi Foster. Many critics later complained that Stalin's work had little to do with Communism. After Stalin's death, one of LS&T's backup singers, Nikita Khrushchev inherited the LS&T back catalogue and put it up for sale on iTunes. Nikita Khrushchev frequently called Stalin's solo work "crap, plain and fucking brain dead simple crap". Communism would be revived repeatedly over the next few generations, with different local flavours added. Mao added a kinky, bat shit crazy Chinese emperor hook to Communism. Che Guevara added Latin sex appeal. Castro added cigars. Mikhail Gorbachev added creepy birthmarks. Perhaps the greatest visible contribution was made by Pol Pot of Cambodia who built the world's largest pyramid of skulls in honour of workers' rights.

Fall of Communism

Hillary's new flag for the U.S.S.A.

In the 1980s, many Communist leaders realised that Communism was too hip to be mainstream. One Communist leader, Mikhail Gorbachev, took hold of the problem and drove Communism back to its underground roots. Gorby sexed this underground flavour up with unheard of flirtations with the godfather of capitalism, Ronald Reagan. The Communism that came out of the 1980s was so fucking hip that even great critics like Peter Travers didn't get it. In 1991, Communism attempted a reunion tour starting in Moscow. However, it fizzled after a series of bad reviews. But, after 2000, Communism returned in full force, back by the hot, metrosexual Venezuelan stylings of Hugo Chavez, aka the Communist Fuck Machine. Chavez mixed Communism with zany new themes of Catholic religiosity, including his famous "George Bush smells like sulphur" quote. Although many people didn't get Chavez's crazy new sound, Chavez brand Communism is spreading like wildfire across the college campus scene.

See, Superman is a Communist, and he gets ALL the ladies!!!

Proof of Communism

Communism can be mathematically proven:

math

math

math

math

math

math

math

However the Party states that:

math (QED)

However, math. Thus, Communism is proven when you can divide by zero without destroying the world.

Communist Groups

The most popular store in Soviet Russia was called WalMarx.

The J.G.rantism Sect of Midwestern American 6th Graders, due to the fact that they have a small nuclear stockpile big enough to wipe out the French Canadians, is also a sizable communist country. (Ironically, the French Canadians will soon be turned to Communism, as dictated by the ancient Communist god Vyacheslavanichkasankovichovsky the Long Named, noted in Studies Upon A Lame Study of Russians - also ironically by an American who thinks he's Russian, and who can't help long, parenthesised and convoluted asides, despite purportedly bad English - how you say? - grammar, yes?)Formed in 2007 this is the newest Communist group, already rising to fame. Inspired by Trotsky and their cruel school curriculum and procedures they will soon be rising in the ranks. Members: Grant Whittaker (Founder) Jackson (Supreme Overlord Maximus) and an army of sentient Sea Otters.

See also

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Political Parties
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This article uses material from the "Communism" article on the Uncyclopedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.

Wackypedia

Up to date as of February 07, 2010

From Wackypedia

I tried communism once. I spent four days looting and ordering peasants to be killed before deciding it wasn't the thing for me.

~ André Breton on Communism

This web page is stupid.

Communism is the act of throwing pineapples at villains in a museum. It was discovered in 1215 by Shakespeare, who yelled "I have done it!" just before his wikipedia page was vandalized. Communism is also sometimes called communism.

Contents

Communism in Ancient Times

Communism was first performed by jesters in medieval China. The practice spread to Florida, where communism was fashionable until -312 AD, when it was banned by the government. It is said that if the government of Florida had never banned communism, Newton would never have invented the atom.

Medicinal Purposes

Communism is practiced by many people, especially in Kathmandu, for purposes of health.

Benefits

Communism can benefit one's life in the following ways:

  • Communism has medicinal purposes.
  • Communism was an early cure for cancer.
  • Communism can make people invisible.
  • If you're already invisible, communism gives you X-ray ankles.
  • Should one's elbows interfere with reciting communist pigeons, lasers may emanate from one's mailbox thereby causing innocence.

The Many Dangers of Communism

Communism may lead to heart attacks, bear attacks, tiger attacks, pigeon attacks, and attacks by asteroids. Communism also may cause paralysis, indigo, or a ban from wikipedia with two days expiry time.

Communism as a form of Socks

Communism has been knitting socks for poor people since about 3409 BC, when it was discovered that Communism, along with mental preparation, tells funny jokes.

This is Nonsense Filler Text

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Sed viverra. Donec id sapien. Sed non urna et sem posuere porttitor. Cras lorem tellus, molestie at, sollicitudin nec, ultrices et, dui. Pellentesque lectus. Proin fermentum velit sit amet orci. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos hymenaeos. In volutpat pede et dolor. Integer in augue sit amet magna dapibus tempor. Fusce porta. Aenean volutpat. Curabitur malesuada tortor vitae diam.

The Communist Creed

Communism does not have a creed.

See Also


This article uses material from the "Communism" article on the Wackypedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.

Cybernations

Up to date as of January 31, 2010
(Redirected to Government Type article)

From the Cyber Nations Wiki, the wiki dedicated to the Cyber Nations Game.

Note: Republic redirects here, for alliances with Republic in their name, see Republic (disambiguation).

Government type works a lot like the National Religion concept. When you first create your nation and select your government type a random government type will be selected for your people's "desired government." If your nation's government type is not the same as your people's desired government then your nation's population happiness will be negatively affected (-1 happiness). You can view hints about your people's desired government type on the View My Nation page. There are also other "hidden" ways to determine your population's desired government. You can only change your government type once every 3 days.

Government Types

The 10 available government types to choose from are as follows:

  • Capitalist - A government that invests heavily in business ventures.
Note: Despite the game definition this is what is deemed "State capitalism" and is commonly used in fascist states to regulate control over the economy while maintaining the image of a free market.
  • Communist - A theoretical system of social organization and a political movement based on common ownership of the means of production. As a political movement, communism seeks to establish a classless society. Choosing communism will lower your environment.
  • Democracy - A form of government where all the state's decisions are exercised directly or indirectly by a majority of its citizenry through a fair elective process.
  • Dictatorship - Government by a single person or group of people who are in no way held responsible to the general population. Their discretion in using the powers and resources of the state is unrestrained by any fixed legal or constitutional rules. Choosing dictatorship will lower your environment.
  • Federal Government - A government with strong central powers and usually comprised of a system of government where there is a division of legislation, executive and judicial power between two main levels of governments.
  • Monarchy - A form of government in which political power belongs largely to one ruler, generally called a king or queen, who receives his or her position by claim of divine or inherited right.
  • Republic - A form of government whose head of state is not a monarch but instead is led by people who do not base their political power on any principle beyond the control of the people living in that state or country.
  • Revolutionary Government - A government that is formed on radical and revolutionary governing ideals. Choosing revolutionary government will lower your environment.
  • Totalitarian State - A form of government that exercises massive, direct control over virtually all the activities of its subjects. Choosing totalitarian will lower your environment.
  • Transitional - A transitional government is a temporary ruling organization usually put into place pending the establishment of a permanent government. Choosing transitional will lower your environment.
  • Anarchy - A complete lack of government.

Government Effects

In addition, the government type you choose gives the following effects:

Government Type Environment Effect Happiness Bonus Land Area Soldiers' Efficiency Initial Infra. Cost Improv. & Wonder Upkeep Military Upkeep Attack Spy Strength
Anarchy Negative
Capitalist Positive +5% -5% -5%
Communist Negative +5% +8% -2% +10%
Democracy Positive +1 +8%
Dictatorship Negative +8% -5% -2%
Federal +8% -5% -5%
Monarchy +1 +5% -5%
Republic Positive +5% -5% +10%
Revolutionary +1 -5% -5%
Totalitarian State +1 +5% -2%
Transitional Negative +5% +8% -5% +10%

Government Hints

When your government is not of the type your people want, you will receive a hint as to the type of government they do want. A list of the hints for each government is below:

  • Capitalist - They desire a government that will invest heavily in business ventures.
  • Communist - They desire a government that supports common ownership of all national possessions.
  • Democracy - They desire a government that makes decisions based on fair elective processes.
  • Dictatorship - They desire a supreme ruler who is in charge of all national matters.
  • Federal Government - They desire a government of strong central powers that will reside over issues such as national defense, disaster relief, and foreign affairs.
  • Monarchy - They wish to be ruled by a royal family.
  • Republic - They wish to be ruled by the people themselves and more specifically do not want to be ruled by a royal family.
  • Revolutionary Government - They desire a government that is based on radical change.
  • Totalitarian State - They desire a government that exercises total control over its subjects.
  • Transitional - They do not desire a permanent government but instead prefer something more temporary.

This article uses material from the "Government Type" article on the Cybernations wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.







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