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Dr. Paul Joseph Goebbels, in his prime
“Ah, how superior those self-styled "übermenchen" are. I mean, imagine being as tall as Joseph Goebbels, as athletic as Hermann Göring, and as fair as Heinrich Himmler. I'm sure that these alleged "superhumans" can all run 100 meters in under 9.80 seconds, hold their breath under water for 30 minutes and levitate telekinetically...”
~ Captain Sarcasm on people like Joseph Goebbels
“Trust me; I'm a doctor.”
~ Joseph Goebbels on himself

Tall, athletic and incredibly sexy, Dr. Goebbels was the most famous teen icon, super model, and Propagandist of the Third Reich. He was known for his fantastic taste in suits, which, along with the German occupation, garnered him much attention in Paris. Goebbels was also a lover of all things Jewish. His goal in life was to create a Jewish Germany. Goebbels was well known for the many affairs he had with Hitler, all of them right under his wife's nose. Magda eventually discovered this and wanted in on some of the action.

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Early Life

Goebbels was the fourth son of Heinreich and Ulga Goebbels. He was repeatedly molested by his great aunt as a child (who was a Jew) , turning him incredibly gay. Ever since this point, Goebbels has been fond of Jews, especially the old Jewish woman that reminded him of his beloved aunt.

WWI

Goebbels worked as a porn star during the first world war. He was known to strip for horny German soldiers in the trenches, where he worked for small rodents and cigarette butts on which to feed. This is where he met his future lover and partner in crime, Adolf Hitler. "Although it was love at first sight," Goebbels later recounted, "we were sadly separated when Dolfy was attacked by an angry swarm of microscopic bees. It was quite romantic; he was carted off to the hospital crying my name, swearing on his mother's grave that he would someday come back to find me help me to take over the world. Curse the Allies and their technological prowess!"

As the war was drawing to a close, Goebbels grew more and more depressed. Germany was losing horribly, and he was required to work overtime to keep up morale, causing him immense stress. Whilst removing his pants for a particularly enthusiastic crowd of sexy Aryans, Goebbels was shot in the leg. Rumors spread quickly of this being friendly fire--Goebbels' skills at striptease were rather questionable, but horny Aryans will take what they can get. The incident got him shipped away from the trenches and back to Germany, where he ended up arguing with the nurse over whether her makeup was done wrong. Goebbels got ahold of a diary during his stay, and promptly began to divulge his secrets and not-so-secrets. The injury caused him to walk with a distinct limp, and was also the subject of much of his emo poetry written afterward.

Life in the Weimar Republic

After that stupid idea, pornography was outlawed in Germany, mostly due to the fact that nobody in the world wanted Germany to be happy ever again. Having been deprived of his sole income, Goebbels started his new propaganda teen magazine, known as Der Angriff. Issues were published bimonthly and included Goebbels' tips on fashion for both sexes, articles on dating for the young and hip Aryan, and colorful advertisements to join the Hitler Youth.

Goebbels quickly became the most famous celebrity and teen icon in the entire Reich. He was quite possibly the happiest man alive at this time; he reportedly would get laid at least 5 times a day. His tall stature, sexy limp, greasy hair, and Nazi armband made him simply irresistible to woman and men alike. Goebbels holds the record for most marriages in a lifetime. At one point he had 150 wives, and claims to have slept with everyone in the SS that Rohm did and then some (quite a spectacular feat as Rohm was really an incredibly horny bastard). He also holds the record for most divorces in one lifetime, reportedly having 6 million of his former Jewish wives/husbands divorced abruptly, followed by their disappearances. Nobody knows what happened to them, although some records show that they were relocated to a nice non-death camp known as Auschwitz. Goebbels had 8 million children, known to historians as the German army.

WWII

Goebbels was caught in a love triangle during World War II. Hitler and Goebbels were enjoying each other behind Magda's (one of Goebbels wives) back. Magda was initially furious when she found out her husband man-whore was cheating on her with Hitler. Magda was jealous, as she had a thing for Hitler too, because discontented Austrian painters with square mustaches were the ideal sex symbol in Nazi Germany, something that Goebbels coveted and was determined to acquire through his affairs with the Fuhrer. Magda tried to have Hitler assassinated, then realized that she could have a threesome with Hitler and her husband.


This article uses material from the "Dr. Paul Joseph Göbbels" article on the Uncyclopedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.







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