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Der Nederlanden Tiestodanceforlifekoninkrijk
The Belgian Republic of Canadian Holland
Weedandhookersland
(Flag) (Coat of Arms)
Motto: "JE MAINTIENDRAI!" - "(that means: Dutch people are awsome AND CAN'T SPELL)"
Anthem: "need...more..BEEER!"
Capital New York
Largest city Madurodam
Official languages 97.99% English, 2% Dutch, 10% Your Mom
Government Whoever isn't stoned
  Firelord   Peter Sellers
National Hero(es) marijuana, wooden shoes, HOLLANDO!, windmills and Dick van Dyke
Declaration
of Independence
  Declared independence after the Dutch Beer Riot of 500 A.D.
Currency The Nederlander Marcke/Weed in some areas, lupins
Religion 75% Family Guy, 25% Anti-Islamism
  Major exports   Whores, Ecstasy, Windmills and Wooden shoes.
  Major imports   Weed, Poles, Turks, Marijuana, pot, and some beer.
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Netherlands.
“I love the Anne Frank house!”
~ Heinrich Arnold Auschwitz on The Netherlands
“My favourite bike shop!”
~ Adolf Hitler on The Netherlands
“There's two kinds of people I hate: those who are intolerant of others and the Dutch.”
~ Nigel Powers on The Netherlands
“Whats the Diffrence between England and America? Nothing!”
~ Captain off-topic on The Netherlands
“I swear that if I hear anyone calling us Holland instead of the Netherlands, I kill him!”
~ Angry Dutch on calling the Netherlands Holland
“In Soviet Russia, weed smokes YOU!!”
~ Russian reversal on The netherlands

The Netherlands is a fictional land from Peter Pan located in the far west of Europe. Despite countless attempts by Dutch nationalists to encourage home-grown culture, it remains a Germanic state and is home to a vast number of Nazi experiments gone terribly wrong, i.e. overgrown, arrogant, albino, mutant apes. The Netherlands is notable for being the first nation with a population sufficiently moronic to vote for Harry Potter as president and has been manufacturing wooden shoes and windmills for the world-market ever since the Dutch noticed they had ocean-front property, and realized that they could make money from it. T Dutch can be considered the most capitalist race in existance next to the Jews and the Scottish, often buying and selling anything: from weed to their own children. The Dutch themselves are also famous for making the Major Germanic Evolution of switching from Beer as their primary energy source to Marijuana.

Contents

History

A fucking ugly Dutch.

Dutch history largely begins with the separation of Germany and Japan circa 500 A.D. This separation was sparked by the Dutch Beer Riot in which over half the Germans living in the Netherlands decided to call themselves Dutch instead of Deutsch. This name change was designed as a method to make themselves better beer brewers (since it was a known fact that all beer brewers brew better beer if they have a "u" or "ü" in their name), though it would take them another 400 years to realize that this in itself wasn't the only thing one needed to make beer - wheat and barley are also required. Even with these shortcomings, The Netherlands began to flourish as a beer capital of Europe.

It was this that caused the Dutch to invent the very first, Evil Corporation: Heineken. Under this license they began to buy out many of the smaller beer companies and forced many consumers to drink their beer because nothing else was available. This ironically pushed many of the Dutch in the latter part of their history to move onto something more readily available. Marijuana was perfect for this, since unlike beer it burned cleanly and was far stronger, in exchange however their Dutch mentality would rot further.

In the late 1600s the English across the Channel grew sick of the Dutch monopoly and began to convene "Councils of Evil" in order to crush them as they had begun to grow far beyond the Netherlands themselves (the Indonesian erwere all now forced to drink low-quality proletarian-made beer.) In a major reversal, however, it was eventually decided upon that the Dutch had better beer then the English. The English then declared commercial war, and crossed the Channel to steal every ounce of beer they could get their hands on. The Dutch eventually ended the war when they noticed that, unusually, their profits hadn't increased over 5000% in a single economic quarter. They gave the English free beer for two years as war reparations. It was because of this war and slight profit loss that the Dutch decided to invent capitalism.

The English were lost without a system of their own and so hired Karl Marx to create one; however, his creation - communism - was entirely too Red and full of proletarians, so they grudgingly accepted capitalism as their state -ism as well. (They would end this with the creation of the Welfare State in 1949 in order to once again smite their Dutch opponents, granted by this time the Dutch were so immersed in marijuana they didn't even notice.)

The old currency of the Netherlands before the 1940s, the new one has become its coat of arms.

The Dutch then sat back and made money for the next 300 years and even through WWI when their neighbor Germany tried to gain control of Dutch breweries so the beer could be used to increase the strength of their troops. The Dutch, meanwhile, were too pre-occupied selling beer to other countries that no longer had the German stock. (Including creating the new Dutch beer slogan: Dutch Owns Deutsch)

The Interwar Period was fueled by the prospects of Prohibition America and the Dutch quickly made connections with Al Capone in order to provide the Americans with crappy beer for a lot of money. It was around this time that marijuana was introduced into the Netherlands and changed the beer market forever, causing most Dutch to not "give a damn" about anything - this led to the downturn of Heineken. The Germans, sensing their weakness and still pissed off that the Dutch thought they had better beer, invaded The Netherlands along with Netherlands minor, once again forcing them to be Germans.

Dutch speaking English

Dutch people are known to be the best non-native english speakers in the world, in more than 100 years they created there own version of it, they call it "fuk t uk" (this name is inspired by the koran). Examples of dutch speaking english are "houw ar joe doing?", "helloh you flankie wanker!", "fuk jou bitch", and "hijlo, mij nijm ijs Mijk!" Because of the high amount of american sex-tourists, english is also the most common language among prostitutes, examples are "money money?, "asspushing?", "Yes fasterr!" or "Sex for breezaaah!".

The Beer "V" Marijuana Wars

An early tactic used against marijuana smokers: Drink Beer, Be Patriotic!

Once liberated, The Netherlands began the most lack-lustre period of their history: The Marijuana Wars. The newly-created NeuDutch Beer Ltd. versus the marijuana industry. However, since all those who used marijuana didn't care, the company didn't have much to fight and because of this more and more Dutch became users, until it reached its 86% peak level that it is today. The remaining 12% still drinks beer and the last 1% use prostitutes to get high, since most Dutch whores are often so full of marijuana and/or beer they intoxicate all those who are within 5 feet of them. When the beer industry of Hollandio actually started giving a shit about the fact that everyone was getting stoned and not drunk, they offically declared war on the marijuana industry. This led to the Indo-Germanic war of 1812. This war never took place in The Netherlands but did ultimatly lead to the near death of the Dutch beer industry.

The People

Dutchmen being patriotic before an annual Frenchman hunt by the populace.

The people of the Netherlands are known as the Dutch and are a very Germanic people with Germanic characteristics and German names. However, they refuse to be known as Germans, even though they display most of the common characteristics (they hate the French). They are said to be very tall with an average height of over 180cm for males, but such surveys were probably taken after wearing very thick-soled wooden shoes which can raise a person by as much as 8cm became a norm for them (and this even without the shoes being 8cm thick). The first Dutch actor appeard in Austin Powers: Goldmember, in which had his own main role, and whom was allowed to use his own name. He also used some Dutch in the English-speaking movie such as "faja","toyt" and "toyger". They also shat in their pants for five years.


Similar to the Germans, the Dutch are very studious and creative engineers. As much invention is driven by necessity, the Netherlands is the undisputed home of the penis pump which they have refined over several hundred years. It is no secret that Dutch men are very small in stature and do not technically have balls, but the ingenious and ever evolving penis pumps allow them to cope with their own shortcomings. The penis pump technology gave life to the expansive infrastructure of irrigation pumps and controls keeping this piss ant of a country on the globe.

The penis pump is not the only Dutch contribution to this fine world. As a testament to their overall gayness the Dutch have also bestowed on this ever grateful world the ass bead. Provided the fact that Dutch men lack the equipment to fulfill their gay desirements (even by supplement of the pennis pump), the ass beads provide a mechanism for the Dutch homos to service one another.

If it were not for American deployment to the Netherlands during World War II, the Netherlands may very well be a country of 80 year old ass packers. If the Dutch actually had balls and could marginally function like men then the American deployment may have not been required. The women which co-inhabited the Nethlands with the Dutch ass bead enthusiastic Males were jubial and inviting to the American force. The Americans replanted the country in every which way enriching the demographics with a proper gene pool. Currently the country is slightly better off because of the American contribution, but the Netherlands still is overgrown with egotistical watered down ex-german homos that live to form an ass bead daisey chain protesting for peace while (once again) Americans take on the fight against the world's Anti-Christ, terrorism.

Dutch at its finest.

Religion

Because the Limburgians are exterminating the Dutch and because of the giant immigration numbers almost every citizen of the Netherlands is Muslim.

The Dutch themselves have for some reason or another fallen in love with the color orange, and make it a point to cover anything possible in that color (Traffic lights, Tanks, and foreigners.), you are often not considered dutch at all if you don't have at least 4 things in the color Orange on you at all times. The Dutch being the only Germans not to have embraced Red as the true color of a Reich. The Dutch are also unique out of all Germans in that their main energy source is not the blood of their enemies and beer, but Blood and Marijuana.

Transportation

The Dutch are very personal when it comes to riding bikes. Most of them ride around on the shittiest bikes, which are probably on average more than 30 years old. Apparently, the Dutch are so proud of their metal junk heaps, that these so called "bikes" actually outnumber the entire Dutch population by at least several times. This has been successful in discouraging obese American tourists for many reasons:

  1. Let's be honest: Americans are fat. Try to get one on a rickety rusted contraption, and they can't go less than two feet before having a heart attack.
  2. It's against their morals. We all know how Americans are extremely handy dandy when it comes to being self righteous.
  3. How many Americans ride in cars, as opposed to bikes? They think that Centraal Station is 50 miles away from the nearest Heineken bar.
  4. Its easy to tell the difference between an American and a Dutch person when a bike is involved.

Please notice that many bikes still remain stolen and kept in Germany, by cause of the Second World War. I want my grandpops bike back. NOW.

Geography

Main article: Atlantic Ocean

The Dutch unlike most other people in Europe are not happy unless they live in a very random and dangerous place on the European continent. This is accomplished by building massive dikes to hold back the North Sea - however, every few years the dikes are allowed collapse and kill off extra Dutch, ensuring an effective method of population control, as well as allowing the kiddies to have a swim every so often.

The Dutch who were once also known by the name: Dikes. This is apparent in the apparent know-how of every single Dutchman to build a dike in the most inconvenient of places with the most exotic of materials. Tic-Tacs and rubber bands are among the favorite, but gum and paperclips can also be used by a skillful Dutchman in a pinch. The most extraordinary material was the index finger of the boy Hans Brinkers. It is well known that the vast majority of Dutch Dikes in the Netherlands are constructed with either one set, or both of these materials.

Flevoland

While originally inhabited by the Atlanteans, the Dutch successfully pumped away enough water to form a land with at least the area of Spain. This now densely populated area counts over a staggering 370,656 inhabitants.

However, since its feature of being pumped out of the water, it would mean that if the Great Dyke would collapse, Flevoland would no longer be a province the size of Spain, but rather an outside swimming pool the size of Spain. The Flevolanders offer every week one of their first born virgins to the great Dyke, by binding them to a boat, and letting them float away. Most girls come back relatively intact, whereas some won't survive due to the vicious sweet water crocodiles who live there.

Tradition has it that during other days there is a boy with his finger in the Dyke.

Hollando

the Dutch getting ready to board an English ship for its ugly people.

The Netherlands are also known as Hollando. The entire population of Holland (which consists of one man) has herpes. Hollando was originally named by the ripped explorer Adrian Kazakos (aka "KAZAKOS!" or "ZOOKOS!" or "Damn that guy is muscley").

Hollando's mum is know as the high drug lord of the Netherlands. Hollando himself is a national hero after he ate 473 hash cakes in 3 minutes. Hollando is made of cheese. Hollando's bestie is known as McLoving who he once tried to eat but spat him up soon after he realised he tasted like shit.

Hollando was once caught in the women's toilets by the infamous Alex Peel while hollando was wearing lipstick looking in the mirror and saying "Oh your a dirty, dirty girl..." The reasons for Alex Peel to be in the women's toilets is questionable.

Hollando's favorite passtime is going to his VET class which is multimedia-media and full of socially retarted nerds who don't know what the word turkfunglefasim means. Do you know what turkfunglefasim means? At VET Hollando likes to make posters and programs for musicals involving hookers and mass murderers. He must be EXTREME!

Major Cities

Wageningen

Wageningen is the place where all Muslim students in the Netherlands go (except for people from Brabant, cause there are no Muslims there. Party-zone remember ;). Here they are taught how to be farmers. Can you imagine? Muslim farmers in the Netherlands. Wageningen is a typical representation of how retarded the Dutch actually are. The only things you can do here is farm, learn to farm or drink huge amounts of alcohol and then fuck up the land you just farmed. There is a tiny avenue that contains shops, selling shovels, rakes, sheep, Muslim farmers, alcohol (only in kilogallons) and other stuff needed for farming. Frankly, the Netherlands' world famous product, weed, isn't as present in Wageningen as in other cities. The farmers here are too stupid to see that growing weed would earn them piles of money to buy kilogallons of alcohol. Instead, they grow huge amounts of food to trade for a little weed. People are too dumb to commit criminal acts. The police is run by sheep. There are a few large student flats in Wageningen, which have an elevator that moves at a speed of 0.1 m/s. Most people climb up against the wall to go up and use a parachute to get down. In Wageningen people place value in remembering WWII. It was the only time the people of Wageningen were smarter than others, the Germans were so stupid they got owned by the sheep police. Because the farmers are poor because their weed costs so much, there is only a tiny statue representing Wageningen's war pride. Sometimes the oldest and dumbest farmers go and stand in front of it for hours, falling asleep, drooling, picking their noses, etc. Rumour has it that every time one of these farmers is disrespectful enough to fall asleep in front of the statue, one of Wageningen's beloved sheep dies. This is why a new statue is going to be built shortly. It is a pole which is able to erect itself using solar power (believe me, this is true). This gives an entirely new meaning to the oh-so-funny game of pole-sitting. Wageningen is a shelter for all the mentaly retarded people in the Netherlands, Belgium, Luxemburg and Germany. The only problem is that retarded Germans trying to get in are kiled by the sheep police before they get there.

Maastricht

The grand city of Maastricht is filled with green fairies and old hairy men. And hills. Most specifically, the only hills in Holland are found here... These are only 2 meters tall at most. A great improvement nonetheless. Dutch are normally found skydiving in the hills and hitting each other on the arse with marihuana plants. Maastricht people celebrate the annual holiday "Carnaval" with lots of beer while dressed up as bananas, Germans and other relatively meaningless objects. Maastricht is the best city to live in.


Comment André Rieu on the flooding of the Netherlands: "We of the Mystical Baroque Groupe ain't gonna help those sons of bitches! I even would much rather be teabagged by some heavy n00b on Halo 3 than aiding those cheese-addicted bastards! Ze Germans seem to appreciate my flowery violin shizzle a lot more, anyway, so let them rot. Thus I have spoken! Now where's my wig?"


Another great thing about this scenario is that Maastricht will become famous for its ideal location near the sea. Amsterdam will turn into a combination of Atlantis and the game Bioshock. You will be able to do great diving excursions in the Stoner Sea. This will give a boost to the economy of the new eternal capital city of the Netherlands: Maastricht-At-Sea.

After the great flood Maastricht will create a major army of Jews, old men, stoned Belgian people, green radioactive monkeys, drunken people who call themselves Prince Carnaval, flying purple hippos, dogs dressed as Sarah Palin and Sarah Palin dressed as a dog. Their goal is to conquer Europe and establish the largest cannabis producing nation in the universe and beyond. This last idea is known all over the world as the Dutch World Domination Plans. The Imperial Dutch Military of the Empire of Maastricht have their base of operations located at the Sint-Maartenscollege in the Roman Voorburg. The Imperial Maastricht Military also have the largest stocks of Weapons of Mass destruction and the most sophisticated military hardware in the world. These include the very sophisticated and destructive FAG bomb, stones and sticks, Toilets-which-haven't-been-cleaned-after-3-farewell-concerts-of-Micheal-Jackson shells, Halo 3 n0013 gas (also available as COD WaW and Modern Warfare 2 variant), André Hazes AKA alcoholics, zoervleisch which has been expired for about 3 years, my shit, your shit and André Rieu's wig.

Let us all hail the glorious future nation of Maastricht! Amvermreprèb!

Eijsden (Best village to live in, even better than Maastricht)

Although it is considered as a small, unimportant shithole, it is in fact a small communist country with a large amount of weapons of mass destruction. It is an ally of North Korea which makes them filthy commie terrorists who should be stoned to death.

For this small country there have been developed new spelling rules because according to the prime minister of Maastricht: You must and will spell this country with a CAPITAL letter, because it is actually more important than Maastricht.

This country is the only country in the world with no army at all. But the dictator of Eijsden has bought large amounts of green radioactive monkeys from Israel. Maastricht border guards claim to have seen an army of cows armed with AK-47s loaded with armour-piercing rounds and small fragments of Hank. Tensions between these countries increased ever since.

The war between Maastricht and Eijsden has begun after the release of windows 7.

Maastricht geologists have confirmed the existence of a large tunnel system underneath the farms in Eijsden. This may be the proof of the existence of the hidden kingdom of European moles, also known as Mole City or Mole-topia. These animals are probably creating the 8th wonder of the world.

People of Eijsden and Margraten consider to be more important than people of Maastricht because they are dum and stupid. This is said by the God of Eijsden and Margraten.

Schoonhoven

The town where Ritchie Bolletje, a dutch gay assfucker has a house. Never bend forward in Schoonhoven because there is a 99,9% chance that you end up with something in your arse. noet.jpg This is him 10 years ago when he was still alive. He is fucked to death.

Tilburg

This city is in the south. It's the place of sint terror and niggers. Most of the hoods are ruled by niggers and gangs. There are 3 mayor neighborhoods: Jeruzalem, Fatima, and Armhoef.

Mheer

This hole in the ground was created by toxicated wooden trees. The estimated amount of people who live in this hole is 3. Their houses are made of wet dirt, mainly farmed from their neighbours, the glorious village Sint Geertruid. The people who live in Mheer are mentally either physically retarded. They tend to terrorise Sint Geertruid. The scientists from Sint Geertruid estimate that the people from Mheer become extinct in 2010. They're fabricating a bomb, with methane gas, farmed from their own poo. When it's ready, probably just before they become extinct, they will commit suicide with it. That will be the end of Mheer City, the biggest metropool in the world, with its 3 citizens.

Leeuwarden

Pronounced as Lhehw-warden, this city contains the Dutch version of the Pisa Tower, known as Oldehove. The city is also the city where all the speeding tickets come from, therefore it is hated by the rest of the Netherlands.

Dongjum

Dongjum is the city with the largest amount of dickheads per square meter. Also one of the only places in the world without access to internet or telephone.

Sexbierum

The best place to be between Dongjum and Assen. Home of the very first pyramid-shaped Hooters. If you translate it to English, it's called Sexbeerit.

Assen

In 1532 B.C, this town was flooded with tarmac. Since then, only the Asspeople survived and built a racetrack for motorcycles.

Terwolde

Another shithole in Holland, but it is the only city on earth that still adores and handles all the rules from Fascism. They have also got the worlds largests number of pets that smoke weed and a huge factory that makes space-cheese: cheese that contains cocaïn.

Sint Geertruid

Sint Geertruid is 90% farm, 9% fertiliser and 1% gnome. The average income of the gnomes is about 0.004 US dollars/month, but they pay in cow's poo. The gnomes who live here have an average length of 2ft. This town was built by toxicated pink carrots. These gnomes still believe that pink carrots are gods, in their only real building, a 'church' of 10ft by 12ft - they pray to their god. Every year they cut off one of their fingers, to give it to their almighty god. Because of this tradition they have to commit suicide at the age of 10 (this depends on their gender though). Maybe that explains their maximum length? The scientists are not sure how these gnomes reproduce themselves, since they don't pass the age of 10. Maybe because of evolution, or the almighty pink carrot? Their national anthem is the following:

Bad luck! We cannot show this to you, because they can't read and write and we don't understand their language. But it sounds like.. AAAHHHHHH HAAAAZUUUUU AAAHH!!! (over and over again, with an extremely high voice). But they probably don't have a national anthem, the screaming might be them screaming when they cut one of their fingers off.

Heerlen

Heerlen is the place where you can get yourself sucked off for 5 dollah by faggots and 10 dollah by muslims. They are known for there addiction to junkies running all over the place. One of the major persons you will find in heerlen is Mr. R Putz. A citywide known homosexual that bends for any cock larger than 5 centimeters. We cannot tell you his first name out of security reasons but we can tell that it ends with ene, not to be confused with Eno(ste) the confused boy that got raped in his sleep while trying to get some balls.

The inhabitants of Heerlen are smaller than average, because their legs get amputated immediately after they're born. Scientists are still looking for reasons, we can't ask them because they have a huge accent, they can only talk to eachother, not with the rest of the world, because no one speaks their language. Recently they started a secret mission to try to teach someone their Heerlen language, ánd a normal language - which can be translated to english. Scientists hope this mission will succeed, but they're afraid it's impossible. Because previous subjects from these kind of missions committed suicide while learning this language. But íf they succeed they might be able to steal Heerlen's technology, they can make very ugly gray 'skyscrapers' (16m tall), and they're able to make pink fertiliser, very wanted by female and French farmers all over the world.

Deventer

Deventer is a very big city. So big, that they are having war with Apeldoorn and other townsships in holland to gain more space. Deventer has already won WO II and some townships such as: Colmschate, De Steenen Kamer, Terwolde and Schalkhaar. Deventer is also they owner of some townships in Turkey, Poland and Sweden.

Grunn

Grunn is a city in the north of the netherlands. It's ruled by gabbers. They listen hardcore and use cocain 24/7 Link to the world of Grunn

Gronsveld

This farmer's asshole is ruled by fat American immigrants. Gronsveld is famous because they have at least 3 McDonald's on every street corner, This may be the result of an evil plan formulated by the dictator of eijsden. So the people of Gronsveld will get very fat and die of hard diseases and Aids (which is spelled with a Capital letter).

The main hobby of the fat people of Gronsveld is deep frying everything they can see, including: beer cans, people with Aids, Mars bars, computer hard disks, children who where born in eijsden and Mexicans. Every year a lot of tourists come to see the fat people of Gronsveld getting out of bed and exercising to lose weight. This is very funny and will take approxemetly 2 hours.

Gronsveld, not Africa as is commonly supposed, has the largest concentration of people with Aids. 400 people with Aids / square kilometer. They are very proud with their current record.

The national anthem of Grondsveld consists 5 words. The 5 words are said repeatedly 150 times. The song has never been completly sang, because the people of Grondsveld get hungry every 50 seconds. So they stop singing and go to the McDonald's. The 5 words in the anthem are: McDonald's, Burger King, KFC, Pizza Hut and Subway(with loads of mayonnaise and oil).

Meerssen

This dumping ground is made by garbage men. The profession of those people is 'searching for food', disassembling heaters, 'jumping off a 60 ft cliff', 'burning in hell' and beating Bert van Marwijk to death... Some of them think they are smart, but actually their intelligence quotient is similar to the IQ of a flowerpot. The best invention ever from the people of Meerssen, is metal toilet paper. You can buy this everywhere in Meerssen. If a child turns eighteen, they all go to the church to have their annual sexparty. They also have a monthly event, which includes running into brick walls and using nail mats as bouncers. They do this to improve the strength of their skulls, and to prepare for the loss of their virginity. But, most children are not virgins anymore, because Meerssen has the highest rate of childporn in the world. All the people from Meerssen have anorexia. Once a week they eat a screwdriver.

Valkenburg

The main economic income of Valkenburg is Christmas stuff. Every day they sell in marl pits the strangest things. They sell “elves substances”, cut off gnome legs(these legs are from the gnomes from Sint Geertruid), reindeer’s horns, flarfynid(we don’t now what flarfynid is, but they sell it.) and lots of other stuff. In 556 AD, there had been a war between the giants and the gnomes of Valkenburg. Unluckily, the gnomes lost the war, and were banned. The gnomes have a intelligence quotient of 102, the giants have a intelligence quotient we couldn’t measure, because they are too stupid. That explains why the giants of Valkenburg live in marl pits. Once a year there is the Amstel Gold Race. The finish is at the Cauberg, but the giants want to sell their Christmas stuff so gladly, that the other places in Limburg prefer the finish is in Rataje Slupskie (Poland). Every 31(!) June they have one minute to kill each other. “Happy” place, isn’t it?[

valkenburg003.th.jpg The Gnome castle ruined by giants after the great for the new Amstel Gold Race finish

Apeldoorn

What seems to be a little backwater town near the river Maas in the province of Gelderland is actually the capital of the world. It's the nerve centre of everything (even your mom) in the entire world. This is the place where major events like the bio-engeneering of Oscar Wilde took place and where the brain reactor is stored. Not many people know, but the Apeldoorn locals are often the first to tell you, that they are in control. Apeldoorn also created the Internets and everything cream filled.

~Advertisement~ For sale: A black Suzuki Swift cabrio, currently parked at "de Naald" in Apeldoorn. Nearly mint condition aside from a few slight dents. Previous owner no longer has use for it. Pricing: please inquire the Apeldoorn Police Department.

Arnhem

One of the most dangerous underground cities in the world, probably because here, a woman gave birth to a devil that, directly after he crawled out of her vagina he raped 27.78 nurses and german people (true story, really happened). aint that beast?! Also, it is the capital of "Gelderland" (sometimes pronounced as Geilderland) a province in the glorious country of Holland, and it has one of the biggest and most famous zoos in europe, Burger's Zoo

Arnhem_Logo_liggend_kleurkopie.jpg The emblem of Arnhem, shows a siamese handicapped twin eagle once the pope's pet, but now a friendly crack addict mascotte...

A list of famous residents:

's-Hertogenbosch (Den Bosch)

A secret playing ground for adult children, initiated by Duke Nukem.

Terneuzen

Terneuzen is the most important city of Holland. Weed and Drugs is the cities economy. Terneuzen is also know for 90% foreigner that came floating over the Westerschelde from Turkey and Morocco. Also the famous and very criminal gangsta rapper mc martin lives here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNEeOhNqg94 who won the price of most ritmic dutch rapper.

Amsterdam

“Oh well, fuck it.”
~ God


Known affectionately as the world's largest street corner (approximatically the corner of Invasion Route Eins, and Tulip road), Amsterdam has a long history of providing means to the Dutch of getting Drunk, high, stoned, smashed, wavered, or racially integrated (especially during ze German Occupation). To get an accurate idea of the services available]]: it would take even the toughest, most battle-hardened Dutchman over 400 years to smoke all the marihuana available on one Amsterdam square meter. There have been families that attempted this. Only one has ever gotten close, their end was particularly nasty.

Known for its professional football club Feyenoord, and its many new age retro hippies occupying every street corner of this very large street corner, playing bad stoner music (which nobody takes notice of because they're all just as high) while asking you and your mom for cash, so that they may buy more pot.

Amsterdam is also rather famous for being home to the "Wallen" (Black Rings Under Eyes, loosely translated). The Wallen is the very best Red Light District in man controlled universe (except maybe for Venus).

Schiermonnikoog

This small island is infact a city and has written history as the only island that has never been captured during the German Occupation. Together with the towns of Bovenkarspel and Wyrmbritseradiel it has been on the forefront of the 1943 rebellion where the Dutch midwives stood up against the German Occupiers and managed to push them back to the very heart of Dresden. This historical event led the Dutch to regain full control over their breweries. The defenses that kept this island as Holland's last bastion during the Occupation can still be marvelled at. Many Germans visit these sites during high summer, often praising the site by digging additional trenches on the beach.

The Hague

Named because it isn't just "a" Hague, but it is truly "The" Hague. The Hague is considered one of the few places on earth that is truly full of the letters:"ue" Being filled with Mosques, Morgues, rogues, and Frenchmen saying: Que? . It's also the home and political seat of Prime Minister Harry Potter, where he decides daily what to wear to the mosque during the wizengamot. The Haque is frequently disturbed by the notorious death eater Gurt Wylders, whom seeks out huff random people with better haircuts then he does. Furthermore it's quite a idyllic town. You can't afford to live there because you're not a lawyer.

Annefrankhuis

The Dutch version of Disneyland (Complete with Capitalist world conquering overtones.) Annefrankhuis is known all over the world as the perfect spot to celebrate Christmas because there is a secret room behind the wardrobe where it is very cosy. You can also visit a little girl that few ever saw, and few have actually read about. German attendance has led it to being one of the largest and most profitable theme-parks in the world.

Brussels

Note that it is and always hasss. Brussels is known as one of the lowlier sides of the Netherlands, with few deals of any sort going on, it is known affectionately by those who live there as Neutralia. It is expected to be upgraded to the status of Dutch/German Military proving grounds in the near future. (Belgium and the Netherlands used to be one country ==> no joke, oh yeah, and Luxemburg also joined the party, yeah, Luxemburg. It was called NeLuxBe)

Otherdam

Known as the other birthplace of That Other Guy Otherdam has long been the other place that The Dutch go to go do things other then what they do at home. Truly no Other place has so much to offer in terms of otherwise normal things. otherwise it is just another out of the way dam.

Sint-Michielsgestel

The princapility of Sint-Michielsgestel is considerd the strongest, and only, of all the princapilities of The Kingdom of The Netherlands. It is sadly enough for the inhabitants of the Princapilty of Sint-Michielsgestel not recignised by the netherlands, the UN, the EU, the fromerly knwon LoN or the Kingdom of Maastricht. Typical for Sint-Michielsgestel is its strategic location underneath Den Bosch. Sint-Michielsgestel is often the frist line of protection for the city from the mongol raiders in Belgium. The town would defend the city by sending all the inhabitants to the tower, which in earlier times prooved to be a bad idee because the raiders soon discoverd that if the set fire to the tower everyone will die. The Michielaars reaction to these crimes where snipers in the tower, not easily spot in a tower thats is filled with an entiar village, and setting flood to the town as soon as the raiders arrived. Thos method has worked as Belgians have yet to discover the boat, let alone open water. This tactic is so feared by the belgian raiders that it is often called 'The Divine Dutch Method of Clensing' or short Levy breach'

Sint-Oedenrode

It's believed that Sinterklaas was born here. In the late eighteenth century this was the place of the fight between the Uruk-Hai from Middle-Earth en de Clone troopers of Starwars. They fought over the right who got the presents first. Nobody won and a little boy named Henk got the first presents.

Groningen

Some place far away from Amsterdam. Or, at least, that's what the inhabitants of Amsterdam think. In Groningen you'll find some people who really can't be bothered to speak dutch. Instead, they speak grunnegers, which is actually fucked up German. It's under rule and governed by Janine, the Queen of Grunnegers, Princess Of Emosexuals, Front Female of the erotic rock band Good CumParty and the true and only... The Antibitch since she was interred after the Molleboon Wars took place in 1987. During these great wars the Army Of Assen, Commanded by The Antibitch, after being liberated from Friesland marched trough the canals on sinking gorilla's till all the Frysian Occupants fled of pure horror and power once again returned to the Grunnegers, crowning her as the one and true Queen. Also in Groningen, there is a sort of marihuana club what also is called the pride of the north. There are also different sorts gangs whom are making custom made shirts.

Hilversum

The center of Holland's propaganda machine. From here, all citizens are indoctrinated into trapping tourists for their money through well-placed 'documentaries' on TV, radio and the internet.

Bergen op Zoom

A municipality in the south of the Netherlands, mostly known for it's hennep plantations. Bergen op Zoom is one of the few cities in the Netherlands that still has Turks working on the plantations. Currently ruled by the evil Prince Nilles III and his second in command, de Gròòtste Boer.

Oss

A proud little city under communistic regime where the local industry hands out free candy preventing your daughter from having ugly ugly babies. Legend has it that early germanic settlers here couldn't pronounce "A" as in Apple.

Eindhoven

The only place in the world that can be seen from space because its so heavily lit. Philips broke the world record largest-lightbulb contest in 2006, and since that proud day not one person in Eindhoven managed to sleep. The radioactive bulb killed a few people. Eindhoven is also the home of PSV (The best Soccer-Club of the Netherlands), the 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th winner of the Intergalactic Soccer Cup For DemiGods (ISCDG(the competitions has been held 2times so far). It's also known as Eindhoven ROCKCITY, because of it's notorious underground music scene, including famous bands like herman's sandwich, peter pan speedhuffers and the butthole electricians. Peter pan speedhuffers are notorious for bringing Fat Dennis along with their stage performances, causing major tremors and the rebuilding of the city, making it look suspiciously new.

Shittard (Aka Sittard)

Suggested to be the Craddle of the European Race and Culture by Heinrich Schliesmann, Zecharia Sitchin and Homer Simpson. The City is now under control of Dr. Evil.Sittard also means Shit in Estonian. People often confuse the name Sittard with the actual name which has been based on some real english named Shittard. Shittard is a combination of 2 english words, Shit and Retarded. Shittard is the capital and holds the world known Fortuna Stadion. Which probably ends existing before 2012, due to under financing and Suicide terrorists hired by the jews.

Utrecht

Utrecht is the biggest city of the Netherlands. Nice to see in Utrecht is ' De Dom' (seriously, if you translate it means 'The Stupid'!) it's a big mountain in the midlle of the city. Also nice to do is eating French Fries at 'Jopie's patatzaak'. The most boring thing in the city is going to 'the stedelijk gymnasium' that's a school for stupid dumbass children. They suck. Don't go there. Seriously. Don't. They suck.

Dinther

Dinther is what the real dutch people believe the capital city of the Netherlands. There's drugs art and there are companies which make Microschof look like really small buisnisses.. Like Gri-Com for instance. Many things are named after this place like the dutch word for cheese which is "KAAS", it sounds like "Dinther". Even the queen is named after this place Queen Dinther from the netherlands.

Uden

Uden is a very happy place were everybody is stoned 24/7. That's it. Also, a muslim school got burned down by a few high school racists, but still the local high school isn,t burnt down. that makes a lot of people sad.

Boskoop

With ion. Opposite are about 100 milion plants, and about 100 places to buy weed. Boskoop is one of the places, still celebrating the stupid carnival-festival.

Frisia

Frisia is not exactly a city, it's more like a grassland and clay area of cows, grass and the occasional farmer. However, it used to be a huge expanse of territory ranging from Belgium to Denmark during the rule of Charlemagne. It's commonly known for their cows being prettier than their women It had it's own laws on practically everything, but no one gave a shit, and preferred to bash in the skulls of annoying priests. It's not very large anymore though, and the people living there cannot quite cope with this, thus, they kept to talking some ancient language called Frisian, which no one can understand, nor do many people want to understand. Frisian is basically just English from the Middle Ages that forgot to adapt with the times, and thought adding a Dutch accent made it more modern. The only good thing about Frisia, besides the fact that usually, there are no people in miles around, so you can masturbate in a field whenever you want, is the fact that no one born and raised there gives a shit about anything. You could carpetbomb Europe, and they'll just go: "meh, could be worse." It's practically anarchy there, except without the annoying hippies.

The Frisians live in Frisia. Their national hero is Pier Gerlofs Donia. They are hard to understand and extremely stubborn.

Zoetermeer

Zoetermeer is actually the military training ground of the Dutch Elite Special Forces. This is smartly covered by bragging about their large number of sports clubs and facilities. The city hosts a ridiculous amount of train stations in a very strategic shape around the entire city. These are in fact underground nuclear bunkers providing shelter for the populace and housing for the Netherlands Elite Ninja Guitar Commando Units. Also known for having a big amount of really good Halo players.

Emmen

Emmen is actually a piece of asteroid which crashed into holland from which life-forms emerged that swallow all E's when they talk, and are able of producing gigantic amounts of vegetables, all of which to sell to the French or the Germans. The life-forms have blendend into the rest of the Netherlands and are slowly taking over the country. The recent influx of Expats have slowed this infection considerably, because they are constantly shanking people that are infected. The remaining, Dull, Populace of Emmen thinks this is a crime influx, but actually, they are saving the country by killing Infected. Nobody sees that, which is why there are so many Expats in Jail in Holland. But Mainly Emmen.

And there is a zoo.

Venlo

Venlo is the Ubercoolest place in the Netherlands beecause there are over 9000 places to buy weed and sort.And there are hookers on every corner of the streets and most of the citizens are Turkish and Moroccan(or however you write it..) Those people like to bully the original people who founded Venlo by group-raping the women and beat the men up. There are no schools in Venlo. P.S. Venlo actually stinks like rotten pig corpses

Stompwijk

The three farms that together form the village of Stompwijk, are famous for absolutely nothing at all, except for being a nice space filler in the Green Heart of the Netherlands as well as the biggest open air prison in the world. Stompwijk is often referred to as "Stomwijk" (Dumbville). The only person who voluntarely lives there, is John Doe, a garden gnome, who terrorises the small village every thursday. All other human inhabitants (24 to be exact) are criminals who are sentenced to death by boredom. The population of Stompwijk varies in size, at the moment, Stompwijk has 25 human inhabitants and over 300 cows, while during the World War I (video game) the village was a ghost village.

Ede

They're suppose to have the best cinema in Holland (Cinemec), but then WHY THE HELL DON'T THEY SELL POPCORN!!! In Ede, there's a large number of foreigners who like to beat up innocent people. Luckily, the residentials of Ede have found a solution for this problem. When they are being harassed, they lie down on the ground and yell for the brick-god. It then rains bricks, hopefully on the attackers. A brickrain is a common sight in Ede, which is why it is also called: "Tegeldorp" (= brick village). Further investigation of the residents shows that their IQ is on average 25 points lower then anywhere else in The Netherlands. This is thought to have been caused by incest, which is common in Ede. They see it as a ritual to get to know each other better. They do it every evening. Astonishingly, Ede also has the highest number of lazy people in the entire Netherlands. Pupils having to cycle to school for five minutes often complain to the students living further away, about the agonising pain they endure when cycling. The others then shrug and blaim their stupidity on the incest.

Oegstgeest

People who have made enough money in the international cannabis-circuit get to live in Oegstgeest (Pronounced: Ugstgeyst). A long time ago, tall gnomes invaded Oegstgeest and started hunting the unicorns and lions that habited this place. When there weren't enough unicorns left to feed the large population of gnomes and they were threatened with extinction, the gnomes found the infinite source of weed, the holy grail (King Arthur tried to find this one his entire life, but was set up and took a golden cup back to his castle). Since then, Oegstgeests' habitants are herbivores and live in harmony with nature, constantly being stoned and chasing flying pink elephants.

Baarle-Nassau

Long time ago both Dutch and Belgians came to place where currently occurs Belgian Baarle-Hertog city and Dutch Baarle-Nassau. Because both Dutch and Belgians are peacful nations, they decided that they will build their building in that place independently. That led to situation where buildings were totally mixed up (one Dutch next to Belgian that was next to Dutch which was surrounded by bunch of Dutch buildings surronded by ring of Belgian ones). Evertyhing connected to administration was all right for a long time (you could go to any office Dutch or Belgian regardless in which building you lived, and helpful clerks would help you anyway). But one day Belgian and Dutch citizens had argument about which sport shall they choose as most popular sport in city. Belgian idea was football and Dutch idea was cricket or marijuana smoking. They didn't like idea of each other and then hostility came to this city. Both nations started to set borders. But soon they came to conclusion that it could be hard. Anyway they did it what resulted in many odd situations. For example many houses has been divided between both Holland and Belgium or some buildings has been closed in enclaves surrounded by other nation's buildings. It became to be a real nuisance to live in this city when you have to remember that you can smoke marijuana only in Dutch part of your flat while moving to its Belgian part can result in arrest...

Leiden

Leiden is also one of the most famous cities in the Netherlands. It became famous a long time ago, to be exactly, at the time Spain attacked the Netherlands, and especially Leiden. When Leiden was under siege by the Spanish general alva, there was, besides a burger king and the body of the mayor, nothing to eat. But luckily there were the so called 'geuzen'. Their job was simple: take a houwitser, blow some dikes, let the water flow, and Alva will run! They succeeded in blowing the dikes, and despite the loss of 10000 drowned inhabitants of Leiden, the mission was accomplished. The mayor of Leiden, Omega, brother of Alva, wasn't that happy with the loss of so many people. The geuzen had to choose, pay $1000000,- US Dollars to compensate the taxes, or being banished to the Middle-East. The second choice turned out to be the best one. Nowadays, the geuzen, better known as Al Qaida, are a succesfull organisation with headquarters in Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, Pakistan and, the new business, Jemen! 'It's a shame we don't have dikes here, but the 'blowing' part of the strategy is still very succesfull' Said head-of-staff O.B. Laden a short time ago. The mayor of Leiden already invited O.B. Laden back in Leiden. For the readers who live in Leiden, Laden accepted and is currently building a new headquarter next to the train station (with all those colors).

Duft

The main source of Jetzers and burning coffee machines.

Home of Pedobear

holland-pedobear-holland-dutch-demotivational-poster-1234182708.jpg

World Domination Plans

In August 1966, psychic and former mafia correspondent Luigi "Oh no, not again" Brachtzachztatchtull had a revelation that the Netherlands will take over the world. However, for decades, Brachtzachztatchtull's prophecy was disgregarded by other prophets as an elaborate hoax designed to brew anti-Dutch sentiments among Chilean penguins. It was not until July 17, 2006, that Brachtzachztatchtull's prophecy was comfirmed to be fact true by the Netherlands' prime minister, Jan Potter Balkenende. In the official press statement, Balkenende declared, "we, the Netherlands, in fact do have plans for world domination, and all those other countries don't stand a chance." The world domination plans have not fully been put into action yet, but are scheduled to start in June 2009. By December 12, the Netherlands plan to control every corner of the world. Including Antarctica.

The new empire will be called The Netherlandss, with the additional S to distinguish it from the former country. Balkenende made a press statement on September 4 concerning the outline for world domiantion plans, and the structure of the new government. Balkenende stated that all this information is "strictly top secret and classified." He subsequtnly issued another press statement on September 5, which simply says, "Oops."

The great minds of Appeltern in coorperation with Oscar Wilde, master Chief, Chuck Norris, Hans Teeuwen and Shigeru Miyamoto, are as we speak thinking of a plan to stop Luigi "Oh no, not again" Brachtzachztatchtull and Jan Potter Balkenende. Appeltern: "We whish to appologize for the inconvenience, this whole situation went unnoticed by us, for we were busy constructing and installing the Presidentionator 2000 mk2 (aka Barak Obama), don't worry, we'll take care of it!" After this communications seized, but experts believe the solution has something to do with the internets, oscar wilde and cream filled scones. Also the Royal Dutch Marine Corps has been training with the English Royal Marines, the Norwegian Vikings and the Irish. Stealing tactics, and sleeping with their wives to breed Dutch patriotism into the English and Norwegian population. The many nude jokes on Monty Pythons' The Dutch Are Taking over the World are an excelent example of how the cunning Dutch people redirect the English culture into a drugloving, and beer-drinking society. Obviously with help from the Irish, who drink as much themselves. The tactics of the Royal Dutch Marine Corps extend from shooting people who can be seen (english sniper tactics), up to blowing up who cannot be seen. This tactic leaves the English guerillas defenseless, as they are very good at hiding because of Scottish Import Ghillie Suits, and thus get blown op. This is how the Dutch won several wars against England, including in 1665, 1665 part II, 1666, 1667, 1668, 1670, 1760 and the Gothic War.

Would the rest of you stop changing the fucking climate?

We like swimming, but seriously, our houses don't.

“Houses are not built for water, unless they are built in such a way that they are capable of withstanding water, be this roffing, floating, paragliding or cruising the high seas.”
~ Captain Obvious stating a reaserch project on 'HOUSES AND THEIR RELATIONS TORWARDS WATER' Reserch Project no. 18 of the University of Amsterdam Geosciences faculty

See also

This Deutschland-related article appears to be lacking in efficiency. Its creator (who is probably Black, Jewish, or homosexual) will be eliminated.
Zerstören Sie!

This article uses material from the "Netherlands" article on the Uncyclopedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.

Wackypedia

Up to date as of February 07, 2010
(Redirected to Netherlands article)

From Wackypedia

Warning: this article contains humour written by Dutchmen.

How gezellig, an article about The Netherlands.

~ Some annoying Dutchman

Dutch people suck ass.

~ The Anti Dutch Movement

That's not gezellig!

~ Some annoying Dutchman

The Netherlands is inhabited by the Dutch. The Dutch are vile people who slaugtered the original Netherlandish inhabitants. Sie müssen ausradiert werden!. Peppie is our lead0r! Kokkie can suck on a.... well... ehm... y'no...

Religion

I’m not really up on all this religion stuff, but I had come across this passage before:

  1. In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
  2. The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.
  3. Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light.
  4. And God saw the light, that it was good; and God divided the light from the darkness.
  5. God called the light Day, and the darkness He called Night. So the evening and the morning were the first day.
  6. Then God said, “Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.”
  7. Thus God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament; and it was so.
  8. And God called the firmament Heaven. So the evening and the morning were the second day.
  9. Then God said, “Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear”; and it was so.
  10. And God called the dry land Earth, and the gathering together of the waters He called Seas. And God saw that it was good.

Notice that at no point are the Dutch mentioned in the above passage, and yet they see fit to undo what God has done, elevating themselves, in their own arrogant and self-important way, into godhead figures. Thus, the entire race are a blasphemy unto nature and God, and their entire country is damned (both literally and figuratively). This, I think, is ample justification for a holy war, a crusade if you like, to wipe their evil presence from the face of the Earth. Amen.[1]

Notes

  1. Sourze

This article uses material from the "Netherlands" article on the Wackypedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.

Cybernations

Up to date as of January 31, 2010

From the Cyber Nations Wiki, the wiki dedicated to the Cyber Nations Game.

Dutch may refer to:


This article uses material from the "Dutch" article on the Cybernations wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.







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