Fred Phelps: Wikis

Note: Many of our articles have direct quotes from sources you can cite, within the Wikipedia article! This article doesn't yet, but we're working on it! See more info or our list of citable articles.


Up to date as of February 05, 2010

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Image:Adult neon.gif NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!
The article you are looking at may not be work safe!

...Although, since you're already here it's kind of too late for this warning to actually be useful.

If a boss or coworker sees this article, claim that it was spam and blame the IT guys. Otherwise, continue to read it until your lewd urges are satisfied.

God Hates Fred Phelps!!

This article has been marked "Un-Christian," "atheist," "anarchist" and have blasphemed against the the Jee Man himself. Conservatives and religious zealots should be aware that this page is full of swearing shit and any jackasses who read this article are going to burn in Hell. Luckily, the so called-experts have found a wiki for the right called Conservapedia.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Fred Phelps.
The faux patriot sissies at Conservapedia have an even funnier article about Fred Phelps .
Fred Phelps immediately after hearing the good news that the level of Hell he'll be going to won't have any of those queers in it. It should also be noted that Fred bears more than a passing resemblance to the cowboy from The Village People. He also happens to look like a character from Brokeback Mountain, which Phelps himself has claimed as "Fabulous!".
Fred Phelps showing his gay'ngsta side.
God has spoken on Fred's behalf.
Fred's favorite past time. Picketing!
What happened after Fred gave God a birthday present.
~ Fred Phelps preaching the good news
“So shut up and swallow, ya dumb bitch!”
~ God on Fred Phelps
“I am proud of my son Michael for winning all those medals. Of course I'd be happier if he wasn't so God damn ugly.”
~ Fred Phelps on Michael Phelps
“At last Freddie! We have taken over America! Those fag abominations won't know what hit 'em!”
~ Shirley Phelps Roper on Fred Phelps
“This guy thinks God hates everything”
~ Captain Obvious on Fred Phelps
“This article is about 10 times less funny than it was before Uncyclopedia decided a 5 star page needed bulldozing.”
~ Captain Obvious on the blinding obvious
“My father was a drinker, and a fiend.”
~ The Joker on Fred Phelps
“He's a bit harsh for my liking.”
~ Osama Bin Laden on Fred Phelps
“I want a divorce!”
~ Satan on Fred Phelps
“I think he's a scrumptious hunk of man-meat, and the fact that we share the same political views only makes him sexier! (His dick really does smell like shit though)”
~ Ted Haggard on Fred Phelps
“I really fucking hate that guy.”
~ God on Fred Phelps
“Fine old gentleman, very understanding.”
~ Richard Nixon on Fred Phelps
“Ok, maybe he's a bit too religous.”
~ Richard Nixon proves that even he has standards.
“God hates you and your fag democracy.”
~ Fred Phelps on the United Spades of Amerika

Fred Notorious G.O.D. Phelps is an eccentric old man who founded an entire religion based on the bizarre "revelation" that the Creator of the universe has a grudge against some of his creations, namely dense collections of dismembered tree limbs and cigarettes. + Fred Phelps is probably most famous for advocating the idea that "God hates fags". However, as Fred Phelps hates fags, his proposition is just part one of his plan to convince the world that he is God, rather than Oscar Wilde. Like so, using math. Queen Fred the Faggot, also known by his common name, Fred 'I Like It in the Ass' Phelps, (and sometimes seen under the pseudonym Phred Felps), born ~750,000 BC is a closet homosexual old man who will be dead soon, so it doesn't bother me that much. [1]. He is also an insensitive, vile, blaspheming pig who believes God will not be happy with America until all homo sexuals (as well as Catholics, Jews, Irish, Blacks, Chinese and Kryptonians) are rounded into concentration camps and gassed to death. Phelps was born in the Ninth Circle of Hell (Satan is currently in posession of Phelps' body on Earth but has made many statements that he will not accept his soul upon death). Fred Phelps is also one of the last remaining Homo Erectus on Earth. He is also well known for looking like a retard and scaring small children, and constantly masturbating about his own penis, which he doesn't have. He also happens to be a world famous gay porn actor, starring in over 2000 gay porn films. He has won many gay porn awards, including "Best Anal Sex Scene" for "My Dick Smells Like Shit Part 27" (2003), "Best 69 Scene" for "You Suck Mine, I'll Suck Yours" (2004), and "Best Reach Around" for "I Love Faeces and Semen, Especially The Ones From Sodomites Part 69" (2006). The latter movie contained Phelps' well-known catchphrase, "I'm a dirty filthy faggot and I love it!” Though he does originate from a fag-like race of alien cyborgs. He enjoys being a complete asshole on television, while he enjoys his bloated "don’t stop fucking with society" lifestyle. Fred Phelps is the elder brother of talk radio host Michael Savage.

During his nursery years, Fred Phelps was an avid homosexual and black person. Fred Phelps was the man who originally got The Village People together, most of who were from his close circle of homosexual friends. However, upon starting the group it was decided that his "homosexual priest" gimmick just didn't work along with a cowboy, Native American and builder.

Alone, rejected and boiling with anger Fred decided to do the only sensible thing he could do: He started his own branch of Christianity. That's like starting a new religion but less drastic. This, for Fred, was the ultimate revenge against The Village People. He quickly went around his home and converted all his rainbow flags into picket signs to protest homosexuality. He began beating his daughter and she was quickly brainwashed: after such a beating however she now smiles in a rather disturbing manner.

Fred Phelps purportedly had a friendship with Fred Rogers, sexual relations with Rick Santorum, and is a collector of SpongeBob SquarePants episodes and Ozzy Osbourne vintage records. Phelps is the former Pope of Greenwich Village, Commissioner of the NBA and, since 1987, the Associate Grand Wizard of the National Association of Independent Baptist Covens. He has gained fame for having two cows on his property, which he claims to be miles from a paved road and both of which he has sex with daily. Fred Phelps also likes to spend time poking himself, in the anus, with a wine bottle, a habit that combines his alcoholism with his repressed homosexuality.

Fred Phelps is "Super Fabulous" and is loved so much in Commonwealths like Kentuckistan, that often state congresses will write laws demanding Phelps show up at as many funerals is possible, since everyone loves Fred Phelps. He is even more loved when he comes to the military funerals to comfort the families and spread his homosexual ways. Yes, indeed we truly love Fred Phelps.

It should be noted that Fred Phelps loves semen and feces, especially those from sodomites. In fact, he loves them so much that he's not afraid to tell the world about faces and semen. If you want to have sex with Fred Phelps his personal cell number is 900-867-5309 - ask for "Jenny" to get him on the line. He loves to pretend to be a woman.

This brings us nicely onto his comeback (Quite literally, in fact, the 'cumback' is a Phelps' specialty), into the gay porn industry in his later years:


His comeback into the gay porn industry

It's true, Phelps is an insane hate-filled gay man, but this is simply because his anus hasn't been massaged in several centuries . Since this realization, he has come out of retirement for new, fresh, young flesh(aka dick).

Fred Phelps checking out some man-ass in 'Extreme Ass fucking and scat porn pleasure" 6'.

With help from the gay unit of his family, Fred managed to rediscover his homosexual cravings by starring in such films as "Bend Over And Let Me Phelp All Over Your Face", "Take It Like a Phelp", "Suck My Love Phelps" and "terrminator salvation". Most of these films were funded by the Southern Baptist Church, itself a hotbed of homosexual orgies.

Phelps helped invent the term 'GILF' or, "Granddad I'd like to fuck", which is a play on the more widely known term 'MILF', or Mother I'd Like to Fuck (Source: Oxford English Dictionary). He has also starred in many bukkake films, specializing in cowboy bukkake.

Phelps also co-starred in a movie with his grandson, in this philm he is show totaly fucking the hell out of all his cildren most of them screaming for help but fread just fucks em in the ass

Notes on the Caring Nature of Fred Phelps

Fred can be a gracious and caring man who runs an anti-smoking campaign aimed at local children, as well as an anti-fag church. He bestows endless love upon his second husband, Ann Coulter. Mr Phelps, naturally, loves children, preferably doggy style, or on an open-faced sandwich with mustard and relish.

When Matt Shepard was beaten to death in Wyoming, Phelps picked up a deli platter at Kroger and brought it to his parents' house. He sat up several nights holding Judy Shepard's hand until she drifted off to sleep. However, he also protested at her son's funeral.

Phelps is a vocal supporter of FAoD (Free Abortions on Demand), a service offered through your friendly local cable provider.

The Early Years

Fred Corn hole Phelps was stillborn to Adolph Hitler-Phelps and his younger brother, Darshan Cowles. Pat Robertson-Phelps (mother) one cold, damp morning in their cave in a landfill in Sodomy, Mississippi. According to the Centres for Disease Control, its birth was a mundane occasion - its mother went to the outhouse in the back yard and simply shat it out, though this is not an unusual occurrence for a member of the Phelps family. As a result, its mother named it Fred Cornhole Phelps. According to its Mom, a well-known abortionist, televangelist and professional moron, she chose the name 'Fred' because "it best represented the sound of shit hitting the side of the toilet." Both his parents are currently dead and are in Hell as punishment for bringing Fred Phelps into the world.

His clan was made up of a tribe of Homo Erectus who had immigrated to America across the Bearing straights from Russia to Alaska, and into the area of modern Kansas. Due to traditional processes such as an unhealthy amount of inbreeding, the group had become overpopulated. Fred pondered who to resolve this dilemma, when it occurred to him that the chief problem was that his tribe were a bunch of sex crazed lunatics who fucked anything that moved, and since traditionally that meant the women, it resulted in lots of babies, ergo, over population! Then, like a bolt from the blue (a more explicit word play was intended here but that would be dumb even by uncyclopedia standards) Fred realized if they started to screw guys, there would be fewer babies, ergo, no over population! This highly logical and sane hypothesis would go on to provide the basis of all homosexuality as many species followed his fine example.

Unfortunately, wrapping his brain around such a simple problem permanently reduced his I.Q to 0, which would prove disastrous. As homosexuality spread around the tribes, Fred was horrified to discover many fags shunned him in favour of his rival homo, Ben Bigots. Sitting alone, rejected, betrayed and alone (and probably having a wank knowing the old bugger's standards) a big red man with horns came to Fred and told him if he preached that all gays were evil, then Bigots would be shunned and they would go back to Fred. Kind of ignoring the whole issue that he himself was gay, Fred embarked on a campaign to turn his tribe against gays, resulting in a massive gay-straight war that annihilated all Homo erectus in North America except Fred and Ben, who would remain in the dense forests of the continent. Bigots would later go on to found the Eastboro Baptist Church, Westboro's archrival, but for now Fred remained secluded in the wilderness, only to slither out as civilisation reached the Americas.

Jesus Controversy

Phelps was subject to much criticism when he picketed the crucifixion of Jesus, holding signs reading, "Jesus is going to Hell", "God Hates Jesus", and "Jesus=Fag Enabler". "He's promoting tolerance of that filthy lifestyle," Phelps said at the picketing, "With all this nonsense and hogwash about 'Love thy neighbour' and all that stuff. He's preaching the fag agenda, and we need to inject some Bible truth into these doomed Christians." He couldn't stay for the whole crucifixion, having to make an appointment to have semen pumped from his stomach.

The Salem Witch Trials

Fred arrived in the town of Salem in 1690 where it was peaceful. Within a few months hundreds were dead as Fred preached his evil word. He demanded sex so his congregation could save their souls. Young virgins were offered to him on his throne of human skulls but were rejected as he craved young boy flesh. He began to fuck hundreds of boys, all offered to him as tribute from all over New England. He would become King of Salem and its surrounding territories in 1692. He also demanded a Utopia of him and young boys so all women regardless of age were burnt in giant wicker-men, along with any who tried to stop him, including Fred's former boyfriend John Proctor, who had dumped Fred because he was an arsehole (All records of the time replaced Fred's name with that of Abigail Williams out of shame of being associated with such a Nazi Pig). Fred danced naked like the heathen Druids of old as they were roasted to death. He also demanded the extermination of al homosexuals over 16 in the area, out of desire to be the gayest man in all New England, so he couldn't afford any competition.

He used his men to go out and capture more young boys, as he would then tutor them in the arts of sodomy and oral sex. It is estimated that he had sex with over 80,000 boys between 1690-95. Yet this state of his, often referred to as Sodovania, would be brought crashing to its knees.

The battle of Cuntboro Creek

When away from his followers Fred unfurls his freak flag, salutes it, and wraps it around his ancient flagpole

On April 7th 1699, Fred and an armed forced of around 5,000 settlers and 3,000 male teens from his personal bodyguard of catamites invaded the territory of the Titfuck Tribal Confederacy. Fred's army would come across an Indian force some 3,000 strong set up in a defensive position near the Cuntboro Creek.

Fred saw a chance to procure more young boys from the tribes. He would never incorporate them into his army but preferred to sodomise them and then chuck them into the Shiteater Gorge in Maine. It was estimated around 300,000 young Indians boys were raped and murdered by him between 1699-1705.

Fred launched the attack. He had one cannon and proceeded to bombard the enemy position as he sent the 5,000 settlers across the creek. The water was only waist-high so they were across in quick time as the Indians scattered into the mooncricket forest. Suddenly Fred could see that they were running and ordered a pursuit. The 5,000 settlers whooped and screamed and chased after the Indians. Fred and his bodyguard crossed the creek and then enjoyed a picnic and nice brutal orgy on its banks.

Suddenly, a cry arose from the woods along with gunshots and screams. The settlers began running out of the forest. The leaders told Phelps that it was an ambush as rebel Negro slaves numbering 2,000 had allied itself with the Indians. Fred withdrew his dick from a young boy's mouth and only had time to pull up his trousers before the Negro-Indian alliance charged from the forest. Fred's settlers ran, only to be hacked down by the heathens. Fred's bodyguard, now naked, stood around their leader with the settlers and made a giant square with the catamites shoving dicks up each other’s arses so nobody would push them back.

Yet the sheer numbers were too much. Hundreds of coons and redskins died but eventually the line buckled and Fred's army broke. His bodyguards were hacked to pieces and then scalped. The settlers ran but Fred was on horseback and screamed at them "False Prophet! You better believe you goin' to Hell for this!” The settles were tired and pissed off and dragged Fred from his horse. They cut his Achilles tendons and left him for the insane horde. Fred was in agony and tried to flee but was caught by the Indian/Negro mob and gang-raped in a bizarre riverside orgy. Fred enjoyed it and the Indians, clearly disgusted, put a few arrows in his throat. He was skinned, scalped and castrated and left to die on the riverbank.

His body was later found by passing trappers. His body was molested and robbed. Yet that caused Fred to rise from the dead. He slashed the throats of both trappers and took their canoe as well as their son who was screaming as Fred sodomised him to regain his power. Fred then ate the child and then travelled down the balls deep river to New York, which would begin a whole new chapter of his nonce and child abuse antics. Fred later died of AIDS and was reborn as a human being, coincidentally to the descendants of his parents in his life as a homo erectus. To ensure his evil survived intact, Fred travelled back in time to the date of his original birth and used his knowledge of human history to engineer various tragedies such as the black plague, crusades, England's world cup victory and the creation of Barney the dinosaur.

The Wonder Years

However, Fred, upon reaching the dull age of 749,928, was finally caught by his family who had pursued him for millenniums, and was forcibly entered into the local kindergarten, where he soon befriended his future wife and sister, Emo Phelps. Emo and Fred spent the next few years together working through the various lessons and tasks of kindergarten. They graduated, and both proceeded to enter first grade. It is disputable that Fred stumbled on the meaning of life just before entering the first grade. However he found it more enjoyable being gay (see next section).

The School Years

In first grade, Emo and Fred learned the basics of the world: North is up, the Qur'an is false, and you can't always trust gravity. The rest of their grade school experience was largely taken up with necro-bestiality and eating dung, so it shan't be mentioned. This is a preventative measure intended to protect you, dear reader from being bored to shit.

As a child Fred Phelps won the prize for "gayest kid in Westboro". He truly has earned this title. At the early age of 10 he had already revolutionized homosexual culture by writing the "We're here, we're queer" anthem now sung at many gay pride parades. His gayness may be a direct result of the amount of priests who refused to even touch him. Fred's first grade teacher had this to say: What could he say; Fred was that queer he was lost for words.

Phelps, often the target of schoolyard bullies in Jr. high.

The Ministry Years

Upon leaving grade school, Fred Phelps became a loving, wonderful person, spreading goodness and converting people left to his own right interpretation of Necrophilia which he calls "Westboroism". His deep understanding and empathy is really what won people over to his message. Fred was seen as an expert on what to do with your cock. His vast knowledge of masturbation and gay sex made him loved by Friends of Dorothy everywhere. The knowledge of cock spread as Fred made his way across space.

His methods of ministry include sending flowers congratulating mothers and their newborns, writing letters to the editor in praise of the military, comforting grieving widows, donating all that he has to the poor, and spending time in prisons and hospitals. His service has fed thousands in San Francisco. In several famous cases, he gave the clothes from his very body to a freezing addict.

In 1933 Fred met up with his future business partners, Adolph Hitler and Barney the dinosaur. Admiring Fred's "Unwavering, unrelenting cruelty and big red cock," Hitler gave Fred a key position in the third Reich. Fred later began an intense sexual relationship with Hitler, and with Barney's aid masterminded many "diplomatic" projects in the Rhineland, as well as the Austrian, Czech and Polish borders between 1936 and 1939. However, when the allies’ invaded France in 1944 Barney was captured and executed (only to rise from the dead) and Fred sneaked back to America, disguised as an Austrian prostitute, and resumed his career as a man whore.

This was not to last, however...

A Great White Religion is conceived

No one in the history of humanity has ever been more wrong about everything than this man, and damn you to eternal hellfire for acknowledging that!!!

In 1955, while being sodomized in a Topeka motel by a burly man known only as "Cletus", Fred Phelps had a vision of the Angel Conveniently Made Up. The angel admonished Phelps, saying unto him "Yea, for in the eyes of the Lord God fags are no good at all, and He hates fags, and thou art condemned to eternal hellfire for thy sinful buggery," Phelps, stunned, fell prostrate and begged the angel if there was no way to repent for his sins.

Thus queried, the angel said, "Of course: as thy asshole hath offended the Lord our God, thou must become the largest asshole in the world to cleanse thy sin."

Phelps, thus charged by the angel, took the message to heart and finished his sodomy session without the customary reach-around before showing Cletus the door. After cleaning up, Phelps set out to form a new ministry to spread the words of the vision he had received. However, having only a precious few words from the angel from which to make a covenant with the Lord, Phelps parsed the most valuable lesson he could wrap his IQ of upwards of 85 around:

"God does not like fags in the least." But this had too many words, and eventually became "God hates fags."

From this inspired wellspring of divine inspiration, Phelps became a lawyer, then a mass-marketer, but then seemingly missed a golden opportunity by not becoming a televangelist. This would have easily allowed him to reach a wider audience and annoy the shit out of more people with his drastically oversimplified, even moronic interpretation of God's word, but Phelps clearly lost out on a marvellous chance to make himself and his ministry even more widely-loathed. (Citation Needed) It's been said that it was during his time as a lawyer that he glued his asshole shut because it was feared he had anal cancer after too much fag sex. Because of this, Fred Phelps shits from his mouth, especially when preaching. One occasion was at the funeral of Matthew Shepard, when he couldn't even say 'God hates fags' once, which he often wanted to say, without spewing out a whole lot of shit.

From his tiny ministry established firmly in the basement of his modest Topeka home, Phelps set out to erase any trace of his previous dandy dalliances and married some homely mule, who would bear him upwards of nine proto-mongoloid children from which would come the primary "numerical" expansion of his ministry.

Fred regained his homosexual tendencies 20 years later, in the 70s and then with a group of his fag mates, he created the Village People. However, he was kicked out of the group and replaced with two straight men after his 'gay priest' gimmick just didn't work. It angered him, and made his hatred of gays even worse. He then focused on his ministry and forgot all about his love towards homosexuality.

The Gay '90's for Westboro

Just wait until those zombie miners rise from their graves to feast on the flesh of the Westboro Baptist Church, missy.

Sometime in the late 1980s, Fred Phelps looked into the mostly empty pews of his ministry and realized no one except for his own children were coming to hear his fascinating and deeply intellectual sermons. Then, as if on cue, the Angel Conveniently Made Up appeared before him and said:

"Fred, taketh brightly colored signs with words written upon them and use them to spread thy wisdom to those who can read! Picket! Picket in the name of Our Lord! Do this at places such as the funerals of fags, or funerals of non-fags, or businesses that have some Kevin Bacon-like connection with fags, or anywhere, really, just so long as it pisses someone off, hopefully fags."

Thus charged by God, Phelps executed his mission with flair, taking his family hither and yon, seeking out events that one would not normally consider picketing, such as groundbreaking ceremonies ("God hates fag ground breakers!"), the opening of public buildings ("God hates fag libraries!") and funerals of newborns ("God hates fag anabaptised children!"). Though his cult was not very widely liked, they attracted much attention at several national history museums when they caught wind of the discovery of the human ancestor Homo erectus ("Fag cavemen in Hell!").

During the 90s, Phelps and his ministry logged over 5,000 picketing events, although it seems the picketing didn't stop a damned thing. It was during this golden time for Phelps that his children began intensive inbreeding, as well as ever-more colourful and creative sign making.

However, Phelps' critics point out that fags (which they call homosexuals) continued running around pretty much the same as they had done before, and even in instances where it could be argued that God's hatred for them resulted in fatal calamity (the death of Matthew Shepard, for example), there was no proof of this. Moreover, it could be argued that there was no point at all to any of the picketing, a view not shared by the Westboro Baptist Church or Fred Phelps.

In 1999, it is rumoured that Phelps, undaunted by the hollow idiocy and clear failure of the entire undertaking of "fag-picketing", made a sign that read, "God hates my fag wife" and picketed his wife for several weeks. It is not known if this picketing was successful, as she remains in her Homeliness by his side, a good and dutiful beard.


The leader of the Westboro Baptist Church, Fred Phelps, does not allow members of his church to marry people outside of it. Since his church consists only of his family, this has led to many cases of incest and inbreeding, which might account for some of their behaviour. However, it is not fully known whether Fred Phelps is actually an inbred or not. Many say yes. It is a proven fact that he forces his own children and grandchildren to guzzle down his semen in a ritual he describes as "Fag heaven."

Turn of the Century: The Shenanigans Continue in Earnest

Enjoyed Brokeback Mountain far more than he let on, and to Hell with you for suspecting that!!! However, now with Heath gone, Fred has Jake all to himself!

In a surprising twist of irony, Fred "Asshole the size of Texas" Phelps preached that the raping of dogs is OK in his book, which in an even more ironic statement is the Bible.

The turn of the century saw no change whatsoever from Phelps and his ministry, though at times they seemed directionless, picketing post office drop-off boxes, people walking dogs, and day-care centres for special-needs children.

The media began to tire of Westboro's antics, and even people being actively picketed began to develop a robust tolerance of the ministry's hateful demonstrating. In a hand-held recording of a McDonald's in Topeka being picketed by Phelps and his clan for serving "Fag hamburgers to fags", the manager of the franchise stands near the small cluster of Westboro protesters, shaking his head and smiling. The audio is muffled, but audible:

PHELPS ET AL: God hates you and your fag hamburgers!
MANAGER: Look, you guys are too much. Seriously.
PHELPS ET AL: God hates you and your fag hamburgers!
MANAGER: I'd ask you to leave, but...
PHELPS ET AL: God hates you and your fag hamburgers!
MANAGER: I'd ask you to leave, but I think you're attracting more patrons. Could I ask you to just keep it down while the customers enjoy some Big Macs and laugh at you?
PHELPS: You're going to Hell, fag!
MANAGER: Look, I'm gay and I'm comfortable with it. I'd just ask you to please keep it down.
PHELPS: Sodomite! You're going to Hell to burn with you and your fag hamburgers! None will be saved!
MANAGER: Thanks ever so much.
PHELPS: What's that bulge in your pants?
MANAGER: That's my long, thick, hard Willie whomper.
PHELPS: What's it taste like?
- Tape ends

The video cuts out soon afterwards, but Phelps appears clearly flustered at his inability to rankle anyone, at one point hitting one of his children with his picket.

Unfortunately for Phelps, fate (and a bullet) was about to intervene.

His First Kiss: July 36, 185?

If you count Chuck Norris delivering a roundhouse kick to Fred Phelps' face. It was a sincere miss as he was aiming for his ass. But upon the delivery, something grew upon Phelps ass that night that later came out as his children to whom he then proceeded to have incest for the next thousand years. He would later begin to slowly die after one night of good sodomy, to which was his best expereince since jacking off to his first ever watched episode of Dora: The Explorer. But that would be another story. The End. The End? I think not.

His First Death

Mr. Phelps, preaching to the non-Church members of the Westboro community.

Emo Phelps became worried that his ministry was taking a large toll on his life, and even worse, taking a massive shit on their sex life. She soon hired hit man Wade Wilson a.k.a Deadpool to roundhouse shoot Fred. Deadpool first bitch-slapped and then kicked Fred, but of course skull fucked him first, causing his first death. Fred's last words before his first death were "Oh shi-!”

First Erection, Second Coming of the Ministry

Fred Phelps lay dead for a few minutes. But as his father stated, "That is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange aeons, even death may die." Fred soon rose from the dead and resumed his ministry of love and understanding.

Some scholars also believe that neither god nor Satan wants Fred's soul, so he will continue to live forever. Supplying the horse for the controversial film Mr. Hands kept him on the black list for both heaven and hell. Though it is not widely accepted, some skeptics of this theory believe that he is hated by supreme beings for starting a church that even scientologists could make fun of.

A New Beginning

Fred Phelps fights the good fight.

After his rise from the dead, Fred Phelps was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize by the United Nations. He thankfully accepted this nomination and subsequently, in gratitude, endorsed the suicide bombing of a Remonstrant church in Nashville, Mexico. He was nearly arrested, but his kind words and sexually deviant methods of seduction helped him elude this.

Fortunately for Westboro, the events of September [[11th, 2001 provided ample opportunity for Phelps and his brood to protest everything in America anew, especially those soldiers killed fighting The War Against Terror, or T.W.A.T as it is usually known.

Subsequently, the malaise towards Westboro with which the public had been stricken at the turn of the century gave way to more of a furious, fist-swinging anger, as the grief of familial loss combined with the sight of a dozen or so braying Midwestern jackasses with nonsensical, ludicrous signs proved too much for most to take.

To this end, Phelps and many members of the Church have suffered cuts, bruises, abrasions, Indian burns, wet willies, broken bones, sprains, dislocated shoulders, lost teeth, tittie twisters, gouged eyes and even curb-stompings. And sometimes these wounds are the result of people outside of the Phelps family. Though externally the repeated beatings (which are tacitly allowed by law enforcement across the country) seem to be dampening the malicious spirit of the Westboro Baptist Church, Phelps (minus several teeth and with a severely shattered nose) continues to preach his special, pointless brand of religious hatred to anyone who will listen, which is currently his own family.
Fred Phelps likes using his church sign to advertise his Sunday "services".

In early 2006, Phelps was seen marching around the Westboro complex wearing a suit made of bubble wrap, holding a sign aloft reading "God is a fag". It is not known if this sign signalled a daring new course of irrational hatred for Phelps and his ministry, for both Phelps and the sign were soon doused by one of the bi-weekly launchings of liquefied pig faces delivered by catapult into the compound by members of the state-approved Douse Fred Phelps With Pig Shit Society.

In June of 2006 Dayton, Ohio was named by the Westboro Baptist Church's monthly publication "Fag Beat" as the "Gayest City in the Midwest".

In April of 2007, Phelps appeared on a live pay-per-view WWE wrestling event. In a four-way last-man-standing cage match, Phelps faced an invisible clone of Adolph Hitler, Steven Hawking in a 40-foot tall walking robot suit, and an 80-gigabyte iPod. Expectations were high and many called it the fight of the century, but fans watching the event on television across the globe were stunned when Phelps prematurely ejaculated only 45 seconds into the match. Phelps was disqualified, and in the following chaos Hawking stomped the iPod (heavily favoured to win) into dust in a staggering upset. The match was called off and stricken from the record by the WWE board of directors because no one could figure out if Invisible Hitler had actually showed up in the first place, but over the next month several arena employees claimed to have heard slurping sounds, groans of pleasure, and various German phrases "mien cock" from outside Phelps' dressing room later that night after the match.

The official doctrine of Westboro Baptist Church is that everyone who is not a member of Westboro Baptist church is going to Hell. Its true. Weep for your sodomite sins. Only the 84 people in the church go to Heaven, the other 6.7 billion fags will rot in Hell for eternity.

The Final Years

One day in early 2008, Phelps was transported to the year 3477 and was brutally beaten by Xenu on the moon, and as he lay dying there, he reflected on his life by commissioning a song and dance number featuring the ghost of Andrew Lloyd Webber. He sent this play around the world, and all over the moon. Fred Phelps lay dying for 30 long years, and passed the time with frequent masturbation sessions to crude hand-made pornographic drawings. Finally, at the age of who fucking knows years old, Fred Phelps threw himself off the moon and was hit by a borg cruiser. Fred Phelps also decided to have a sex change and become a woman, adopting the name of Fredenna Cornhole Phelps. However this did not last. He returned to Earth soon after, however his shit didn't continue for long.

The Final death of Fred Phelps

At the grand old age of 523, Fred was killed at his fortified ranch on April 18, 2008, at noon. A Homosexual Paramilitary Organisation called the B.D.I.M.A (Balls Deep In Men Alliance) attacked his complex with over 250 members armed with dildos and explosive anal beads. Fred was outnumbered but his family of 50, and the 80 brainwashed denizens of Westboro Baptist Church fought like the Hell's own arse-bandit division. Armed with 18th-century muskets and spears they defended the house to the last. Scores of raving marmite miners were gunned down but they eventually gained a foothold on the walls, only to be met by Phelps and his own bodyguard who began chucking buckets of boiled urine at the invaders.

Sadly though, the homos crashed through the downstairs defences. Fred's daughters were subjected to a horrendous gang rape and had their throats slashed and were then lynched on his patio. Fred's henchman Steve attempted to block the stairs but was caught shoved into an oven and cooked to death.

Fred was horrified and his bodyguards (consisting of Barney the dinosaur, Drew Pickles, Chris Crocker, Ronald McDonald and Dick the Clown) urged him to flee as they ran into the mob of queers. They fought until overwhelmed and were then fucked to death.

Phelps began to climb to the roof. Three fags followed. Fred turned, tore off his shirt and screamed "False Prophet! Fag enablers!" He ran but was battered unconscious by the three, armed with 18-inch dildos. His body was then raised high and chucked from the roof. The mob ran at Fred and simply tore him to pieces but not before he was fucked in every hole and given AIDS by the pack of sick cunts.

He was buried in Topeka Kansas. Many people came to his witness his grave on a daily basis, usually to piss, shit, or do any other horrible form of vandalism to it. THANK GOD FOR DEAD PHELPS! But.... a return was to come.

His final resting place was located somewhere in the 9th circle of Hell.

One of Fred Phelps' numerous inbred bastard children who he had with his mum, protesting against Uncyclopedia after Phelps discovered the extent of how this article mocks him.

Return and Rape and Death of Fred Phelps

Satan used his own feces to sculpt a new body for Phelps, put him in the particle accelerator to give him life, and sent him back to Earth. And so Phelps came back from the dead to strike terror in the hearts of people and just when we thought all hope was lost, a fag Catholic priest named Guilliono La Tella stood up to Fred and raped him in the ass. He enjoyed it, however he shot himself in the head by accident. It was hilarious and millions of people picketed his funeral.

Second Res-Erection

Fred once again rose from the dead in September 2008, only this time while his body wasn't inhabited by himself which instead was taken by a fellow gay classmate (known by the name of Lucie Ferr), his soul was rather transferred to the penis of a young man, with an obsessed foot fetish. Nearly three-five times a day, Fred was indulge and was forcefully had to spit out a number of semen as the young man enjoyed masturbating through a lot of foot fetish websites and videos. Course it wasn't long until the young man's mother one day found out and had no other choice but to cut his penis off and later burned it. During that time, Fred kept crying or for his sake cumming, in the sake to spare the agony from him. Afterwards his spirit was no longer valid as the SPIC (Spirits Inhabited Council) had no other choice but to have his forgotten soul trapped in a Magic Card from Magic the Gathering.

Meanwhile, the gay man (a.k.a Satan) who inhabited Fred's body for six weeks would later die after finding out that the body was weakened and diagnosed with Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious-AIDS. In accordance to his will, he wishes nothing more to be buried in Fred's body with his left hand rubbing his penis, his right finger extending right up his rectum, his left foot to tryout for next years' Summer Olympics, and have his second hand strangling his neck, while he choked on the very same pretzel George Bush choked on.

Talking with a degenerate

In a conversation with an anonymous interwiewer, L. Ron Hubbard did infact got into conversation with Fred while trying to convert him to his religion, scientology during a free stress test.

Hubbard: So Fred, do you feel angry all the time?
Phelps: Of course, no better way then to spread the word of God by being angry with all y'all pricks and fags like me in this world.
Hubbard: Uh-huh, but do you feel depressed, like you were sad?
Phelps: God is... vengeful... he uh... will spite all to those who do ignore me and defy my cause.
Hubbard: Do you like yourself?
Phelps: God hates everyone, therefore I hate myself and all of mankind, we're all a bunch of queers there, like a slice of bologna. Therefore, God hates even me... There's no sense on fighting the truth... And the truth is... I am God, therefore I even hate myself, like God would. God's the biggest fag of all.
Hubbard: Okay... well, is it ok if you basically killed yourself?
Phelps: Goddamn it, look at me! You see here right there on my dick, that's the biggest contributer of sin.
Hubbard: But you got no dick?
Phelps: Well of course, had to cut it off, mother told me it was best I did it before I turned 21, the same way Jesus' dick was cut off. Stupid fag if you ask me, I detest that God said to Moses, 'feel my wrath, cuz I just think you're homo with all that beard on'.

After two hours of perfect conversation, Hubbard later committed suicide, but not before his soul was consumed by Tom Cruise and Phelps, therefore making them half-brothers.

Cause for alarm

However, scientific evidence suggests his reign of terror is yet to end. An analysis on Phelps's corpse suggests that, he is not in fact merely a bigoted, hateful old prick but an elemental force embodying hatred as well as nipple rings. His spirit has caused much misery, hardship and purchase of nipple rings in the past and may do so again in the future.

250,000,000 BC. Fred (As a Dimetredon) assembles an army of fellow demidredons, and under the slogan of "God hates Edaphosaurs" his vile horde wipes out 90% of life on Earth. The remaining 10% unites to fight back. While uncontrolled inbreeding mean that the Phelps horde outnumbers the enemy 666 to 1, it also means all their redundant toes get in the way, and are obliterated along with Fred, although half of the resistance is wiped out as well.

65,000,000 BC. After introducing Barney the Dinosaur's mother to her future husband Satan, Fred (This time in the form of a Tyrannosaurs) leads the Dinosaurs on a genocidal killing spree, wiping out 60% of life on Earth. Before they can finish off the last 40%, God flattens them with an asteroid.

When he will strike next, no one knows.

But nobody listens to him anymore, so frankly, who cares.

Fred Phelps: The Return

However, recent evidence has surfaced that suggests the evil one still walks the Earth. Recently a murder case in Topeka took place where the charred body of a local priest was found with gallons of semen in his mouth near a massive crater. It later emerged that this priest, known as Alex le Perver would record confessions of church goers and later black mail them over the video tapes (incidentally he was also molesting alter boys but he hadn't bothered paying for the blackmail to the cops) The tape recording found at the crime scene revealed chilling details of his final moments.

Perver: My son, what do you wish to confess? Fred Phelps: Much father. Perver: Well, just as long as your not one of those "I killed my goldfish" crybabies. Fred: You know me well. Perver: Fred? Why I haven't scene you since that little slip up at the Nederland Ranch. So please enlighten me, what is a brainless fanatic like you doing in God's house? Fred: Come on now, we're both child molesting, man banging false prophets, why should we worry about that? Perver: Touché. Fred: Well, I would like to confess a few things... not only am I a bigot, racist, anti-Semite pig, flaming homo sexual, adamant conservative, Michael Jackson fan, wife beater, cartoon lover, cum slut, man whore, cow hooker, shrimp shagger, enthusiastic liberal, furry, tap dancer, mime artist, fan of Epic Movie, life long member of NAMBLA, flaming queen and a paedophile, but I have also gone and gotten my righteous buddies Satan, Geoffrey Leonard, and the Barney the sexy dinosaur have arranged a scheme to send you fags packing, a scheme so malicious, so dastardly, and so perverse it's lightest word would harrow my cum and make my dick stand on edge like the frills on the fretful Porcupine... Perver: That's nice Fred. Now cough up $10 and no one gets hurt. If not I'm pretty sure the local cops would be interested in this. Fred: You blackmailing me! I need that money for sex! Perver: Huh? Fred: Because... Well it doesn't matter... Perver: Well, cough up the dough. Fred: Oh, I'll be coughing up all right... (Chanting) Ru Rehtaf ow tram nit Janeva... (Rumbling, then a huge smashing sound come through the floor) Perver: Good God! Mysterious Voice: Quite the opposite actually! (Tape cuts out)

This serves as strong evidence of Fred's continued existence along with "The Great Dicktator," a porno starring him and Shirley, though while analysis have confirmed he was in the video, weather or nor he was actually alive is a matter of some debate.

The False Prophet Cometh

Intelligence gathered by MI6 has revealed that not only is Freddie boy alive, but he has gathered together a sect of his gay pals known to some as the... BARNEY BUNCH! Consisting of Drew Pickles, Barney, Geoffrey Leonard, Ronald Mac Donald, Dick the Clown and now Fred, they have issued a plot to march down to Paul McCartney memorial high and rape all the male students there, as well as the dinner ladies who might as well be men anyway. However, Leonardo da Vinci has gotten wind of this foul plot, and along with his fellow non evil homo sexual friends including Zippie, George, Bert and Ernie they plan to stop Fred by barring his path to the school with a massive high way covering orgy. When asked why they didn't just put a roadblock up, Leonardo said that it was a measure of self defence as the huge display of man ass would so memorise all the local homophones (a.k.a, Closet Fags) that they wouldn't stone them. The Barney Bunch's assault is poised to move out on Halloween, but as long as the Leonardo Liaisons have a breath on their body or swell in their knobs, Fred shall not pass.

Legal issues

However, Fred realized that the above scheme was a farce even the most scramble brained Uncyclopedia would never think of laughing at, so he retreated back to the sanctuary of his church to put his grievances behind him and live out his life in peace. Or as peaceful as a man who went around trying to prevent rescue efforts in 911 can live. However, lately his church was struck with tragedy when a fire consumed his garage, picket signs and fence, leaving a pile of ash that coincidentally spelt out the words "F-U Freddy!" Presumed to be arson, Fred has announced the culprit to be a "Filthy crook nosed Jew fag!" However, police briefs from eyewitness's describe the culprit as being around 16feet tall, being a Caucasian male with a long flowing white beard, deep eyes and having a untameable aura of glowing light. Fred had declared this action to be a bigoted, unreasonable hate crime against his church, and plans to protest this sickening act of bigotry and prejudice by burning the Holocaust memorial to the ground.

In the meantime, research is still trying to determine the cause of Fred's rebirth, and what significance it will entail for the world. As mentioned, no one listens to him anymore, so it’s most likely no one cares what possible significance Fred's resurrection may have. He was scheduled to star in a fag film entitled High Cruel Musical, in 2009. Co starring his pals Barney and Drew Pickles, as well as Ronald Mc Donald as Gigolo burger 7, it tells the tale of a group of parents who, attempting to find their children in Fred's high school, find there raped, murdered and eaten corpses, and are then subjected to the same fate, albeit not in that particular order. If he is murdered between now and then, which is highly probable, his buddy Geoffrey Leonard is second preference to star.

Fred today

In late October 2008 Fred was looking through his church register and was horrified to discover his church, despite making national news, despite being the subjects of entire TV shows, and despite all his efforts, numbered only 70. Fred was baffled by this, after all Jesus had thousands of followers by the time he was 30, so how come only 70 people gave a flying fuck about what he had to say by the age of god-only-knows, all of whom were his own family. Ok, well not technically but come on, your stooping pretty low when the only other people in your church are called the Hockenbangers. Realising that nobody gave a damn about him anymore, Fred resigned himself to take his life, myspace style, which basically entails pompously announcing to everyone your going to kill yourself with all the melodrama of an Australian soap opera, usually because you couldn't get tickets to the latest Linkin Park gig. With the help of his Barney Bunch pals, Fred constructed a stage (well, more of a 60,000 seat stadium with zeppelins and all facilities required) on which to take his life. Fred announced that what he called a "intimate, private and quiet occasion," would be marked with invitations for all of Topeka to watch, with lots of popcorn, hot dogs and strippers after the event. Oh, and fireworks too. Not wanting to miss an opportunity to see the old goat off himself, the stadium was packed to 10 times beyond it's capacity, and Fred kicked off the evening by giving a whiney Emo speech about how fag America drove him to this, before starting the farce out with renditions of all songs by ABBA and Queen, and of course, YMCA. However, just as he was about to reveal the whole event was just a ploy for attention, and thus break the will of the audience and hopefully allow him to draw them into his cult, an old face struck, Deadpool!

Lately Fred had extended his anti everything doctrine to mutants, so Magneto gave Deadpool a chance to redeem his previous failure by preventing Fred from revealing his phoney suicide, thus cheating him out of victory. Deadpool had infiltrated the stadium with aid from Chris Crocker, as she was really a lesbian in love with Brittany Spears. After knifing Drew Pickles and castrating Barney on the way in, Deadpool stood facing Fred. Deadpool stared at Fred. Fred stared right back. Deadpool stared on, undaunted. And once more Fred stared back. Deadpool locked on his stare at Fred. Fred's stone called stare held fast. Deadpool stared at Fred some more. He was getting a bit cross-eyed now. Fred stared right back. And then they started fighting. While Deadpool had 750 lbs of knifes, guns and bombs, Fred unleashed all his satanic powers on Deadpool, and for a while it seemed the merc with a mouth was done for. However, Deadpool knew Fred's one weakness, and so did he ram a feather duster up Fred's ass. Unable to process so much pleasure and pain, Fred collapsed to his knees and Deadpool made ready to deliver the final blow. However, Fred had one final card to play, and yelled, "Hey look behind you!" and so made good his escape. However, Deadpool had actually read "A beginner’s guide to action films" and so while Fred was busy making good his escape (all 2 inches of it) Deadpool crushed his larynx, smashed his skull and snapped his legs. And Fred lay there twitching, but Deadpool let him live, for in that moment it became clear to him, that for all his evil Fred was a vital part of life, for in seeing the evil in him, all others could see the good in their fellow man, wither he be a Jew, Christian, black, white, Muslim, man, woman or even Boris Johnson. Actually it was simply because it's fun making jokes about Fred being a closet homo (which he is). Fred's comatose body rested in a bed in Westboro Baptist church, where his relatives tried to cure him with folk remedies and by sacrificing virgins to the heathen gods, as they didn't want to poison Fred with filthy fag medicine. His soul entered into negotiations to broker a deal with Satan to regain Consciousness.

Letter from God

Just like his brother John Doe, Fred has gotten a letter from God that states his greatest insults to him:

My dear son Fred:

I first want to apologize for every reason at all to create you. The thing is you were originally made to be by my purpose the first perfect man ever to live on Earth, however only you'd discover the truth: you were really an ex-prostitute lesbian trapped in a man's body with a lot of STDs in your body with a wound so black it can be considered the next black hole. However, the truth proved too strong to the point that you detest me in everyway and what better way to get me back than use my own name against everything you think I hate to which all is forgiven and loved back. But I now must admit, you truly are a damned prick. You irritate me so much, that I will sentence my home boy Satan to gouge out your eyes in a pit of fire and force you to lie with many, many women, while a likeness of Ian McKellen is dangled just beyond your reach. You will eventually suffer a worse fate than death and when you do, who better to get the last laugh than me. Up yours you degenerate closed-closet faggot, hope you like your stay in Room 9.

Your ex-father in the Kingdom of Heaven, God. }P

After this letter, Fred honed a real erection the next day.

All Hallow's Eve

Upon Halloween 2008, Fred's lifelong friend and ass buddy Barney the Dinosaur came to visit the shell that was once his friend and lover. For years, they had been brought together by fate, and for all their grievances, fate would always bring them together again. Fate in the form of a joint love of brainwashing, false worship and child molesting that is. Barney, moved to tears by the plight of his friend, tenderly laid his hand upon Fred's cock. However, the jolt of being turned on so much gave Fred a shock that revived him from his coatamoase condition. However, Fred was not the same, as now his body was also inhabited by the soul of Martian Luther King JR, as God would only allow Fred's mind to re-enter the Earth if it brought something worthwhile back with it. This condition first seriously manifested itself when Fred was picketing the Oklahoma massacre of orphans and kittens. Fred was gurgling out his usual crap about how the actions of a few harmless gays had nudged God into murdering a bunch of kid who hadn't even considered anything about their sexuality, when he was taken over by King's spirit. King, using Fred's creaky old voice to the best of his ability, proclaimed to the crowd (who had gathered to laugh at Fred and throw burger king cups at him) that in the time of this terrible tragedy we must be strong, and rather than despair we must hold together to carve out a peace worthy of the memory of the victims, and find unity in this harsh time. The crowd broke out into wild cheers and applauding. Shirley grinned, believing that finally they had broken the will of the populace... until she heard what her "father" was saying, which caused her to loose all the hair God had not already removed in punishment for using his name in the most tasteless ways imaginable.

Naturally Satan was appalled that his chief (albeit most incompetent) agent (and lover) on Earth was speaking such wisdom. However MI6 sources in Hell (chiefly Margaret Thatcher) have reported that along with the Legion of Doom (headed by Satan, Hitler, Anton Chigrugh, Doctor Doom and Barney) have masterminded a scheme to use King's possessions of Fred to their advantage. Since nobody listens to him anymore as lets face it, he maybe speaking peace and love but he's still a crazy old ass rammer, it's likely no one will care what the Hell they do to him.

A Confession

This is a confession from Fred Phelps shot on June 21, 2007. Fred discusses the future of WBC, as well as his love life. Fred Phelp's God Reveals himself!


  1. Fred hates Toast! When he, Satan, speaketh, He speaketh of his own, the devil. He was a long-time friend of Billy Graham until he quit believing in and preaching about The Force. Pretty fucking obvious don't you think?

Things God Hates According to Fred Phelps

Mudkip just shat in yur hair bee yotch

Things Fred Phelps hates

  • Nothing. Phelps loves all of God's creation


  • Boys "R" Us: The Musical (1990)
  • The Cockinator (1992)
  • Fred Phelch (1994)
  • What Dreams May Cum (1995)
  • My Dick Smells Like Shit Part 27 (2003)
  • You Suck Mine, I'll Suck Yours (2004)
  • Brokeback Mountain (2005) (as unseen gay man in bar)
  • I Love Feces and Semen, Especially The Ones From Sodomites Part 69 (2006).
  • I Can Lick That! (2008)
  • Death Wish XXI: The Death Of A Phelps aka Bronson kills Phelps (2008)
  • Death Wish XXII: Phelp's Sodomy Revenge (2009)
  • Death Wish XXIII: The Sodomy Death of Fred Phelps for Good this time (2010)
  • High Cruel Musical (2009)
  • Bend Over and I'll Show You III: The Return of the Revenge of the Nigger Cock(2010)

Things invented by Fred Phelps while stoned

Screenplays penned

  • Birth of a Nation (1915) (was fired after a week in filming, rumors has it that there are gay KKK scenes that he intended to represent the fragile theme to the film)
  • Glen or Glenda (1953)
  • Masters of the Universe (1987)
  • Batman and Robin (1997)"
  • Triumph of the Will (1936)
  • The Lion King (1993)
  • Pokemon the First Movie (1999)
  • Ben & Arthur (2002) (also starred and directed it, yet no one has ever heard of it before)
  • all gay love scenes in Brokeback Mountain (2005)
  • Disaster Movie (2008) (uncredited)
  • Kinsey (2004)
  • Hungry Bitches (also known as "2 Girls 1 Cup") (2007)
  • Manos The Hands Of Fate (19666)
  • Hannah 'G-Spot' Montana: The Movie (20000)
  • All movies that stars Tom Cruise.
  • The Twilight Movies (features his homoerotic son)

See Also

This article uses material from the "Fred Phelps" article on the Uncyclopedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.


Up to date as of February 07, 2010
(Redirected to Westboro Baptist Church article)

From Wackypedia


~ Fred Phelps

You're all going to hell. Mwahahahahahah!!!!

Westboro Baptist Church was founded in 3999 BC by a cheese-eating stoner named Fred Phelps. Fred Phelps's slogan is God Hates Rags because obviously God hates washing dishes or dusting. Fred Phelps also thinks anyone who is a democrat, worships llamas, or eats harmless little rattlesnakes should go to hell too.

Complete list of people who shallt be condemnedethted

Elassint on Fred Phelps

<Elassint>          Hi girls and boys! My name is Fred Phelps, 
                    and I'm the founder of Westboro Baptist Church! 
                    I'm a disbarred lawyer from Mississippi. In my 
                    free time, I spread hatred in the name of Jesus 
                    Christ and picket anybody who remotely opposes my 
                    opinion with my Westboro minions. It's all about 
                    free speech! I'm also a strong believer of beating 
                    children to the point of unconsciousness. Yeehaw
<Pineapple_ryan>    lol
<Chicablog>        ...
<Cheeseboy>         meh 
<Cheeseboy>         I like cheese
<A spambot>         BUY VIAGRA 
<the spambot>      NOT UNLESS YOU BUY VIAGRA
<An anonymous n00b> Who's Fred Phelps?
<Fred Phelps>       I am

Cheer up

I hear they have Heinz tomato ketchup in hell.

This article uses material from the "Westboro Baptist Church" article on the Wackypedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.

Got something to say? Make a comment.
Your name
Your email address