|WOW! I can't believe you're actually reading this! But now that you are please read the text below...|
|So you're here to vandalise the GAY page on Uncyclopedia... Fair enough, a brilliant idea, you're obviously very clever to come up with such a funny, mature, witty, etc idea. But alas, let me tell you something... We could have protected this page from being changed, but we think it's far more fun to let you make your changes, and then undo them with one click of the mouse and ban you. You're actually getting screwed by a GAY page, literally.|
“Homosexuality is a negative corruption of humanity with no evolutionarily useful attributes. As the 'homosexuality gene' is passed from parent to child, and homosexuals do not breed, my theory predicts that the Homo sexualus species will soon become extinct.”
“My first thoughts, as I was being born... I looked up at my mother and decided, 'that's the last time I'm going up one of those'.”
Gay is a word in transition. Years ago, gay simply meant happy. It was a simple innocuous adjective used to describe the time had by Fred Flintstone whilst eating muffins or blowing a bassoon. You could have a Gay Day without having to put your penis anywhere, and even if your surname was 'Gay' you could probably get through school with most of your own teeth. Then everything got really complicated...
Today the word gay has 4 uses:
So, how did it all start, and where do gay people come from? Now, try to be serious for a second...
In the old days you could screw pretty much anything you fancied, animal, vegetable or mineral and didn't even have to ask, unless of course it was a dinosaur. Gay bashing still existed, but sucking off a man was far less adventurous than tugging off a lion, so no-one gave a monkeys; especially the monkeys who still bum each other silly to this day.
"In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. Etc, etc, etc..."
When God finally got bored playing with the dinosaurs he decided to create Adam so he could screw with him instead. After watching poor Adam racking his wrists alone God gave him a good ribbing and created Eve allowing the family tradition of screwing yourself to continue. Adam and Eve had a whole lot of sex to create two children (both boys) who then had sex with each other (or possibly their mother) to create more children who then also had sex with each other. Nothing wrong there you understand...
For thousands of years everyone carried on doing whomever they pleased especially the ancient Greeks who bummed each other silly largely because it was less effort than trying to talk a girl into doing it.
God got a bit upset because man was actually starting to have more fun than him, and decided to make a list of things which men were not allowed to do. When no one really listened he committed adultery with a virgin who gave birth to Jesus. Due to his fashion sense Jesus' various sexual advances were rejected by Angel Gabriël, a man, and even a sausage. In his rage Jesus banned sexualising anything with a plonker leaving him to wander the desert for forty days with nothing to suck on.
The deity-bashing continued long after. When a miniature Bonsai tree mocked Buddah's minuscule manhood he added his weight to this prohibition and Abraham revealed his support
'cos it's the thing all the cool kids do. Muhammad also backed the new rules but no one made fun of him because his followers kill people.
Public admission of bum fancying became taboo for 2000 years and everyone carried on as before but just didn't tell the priest or their dads. Then in the 1960s some stoned hippies decided it would be "right on" to "liberate the gay oppressed minority Maaaan", and as a result we now have to listen to everyone banging on about sodomy again.
In our modern world, gay men and lesbians (but especially gay men) are at the center of most western cultures, secretly ruling the governments of Europe, North American and some parts of Latin America. As a result they have become the most powerful group of people in history. In some areas, the gays in power have allowed heterosexuals (a.k.a.- straights or breeders) to maintain their delusions of being in charge by allowing the suppression of equal rights for gays through laws.
Increasingly, more straight men are allying themselves with their gay counterparts. This began with the Straight Guy-Lezzie Friendship Movement, but in recent years many straight men have realized the important benefits they gain from having gay male friends. [It is an especially excellent way for the straight friend to gain access to Poontang he would otherwise be socially barred from entering.] Sometimes, these Straight Guy-Gay Guy (SGGG) friendships develop into Bromances - romantic, non-sexual, extremely-close relationships between the two friends. Two straight men may also develop a Bromance, but the strongest and most beneficial are those stemming from SGGG friendships. It is now not uncommon to find straight men dragging their gay male friends to gay bars in order to take advantage of the free drinks from the bartenders and to boost their egos as they are checked out and hit-on by patrons.
Thanks to those damn Chinese and all the whispering many misconceptions exist:
|Before they lay down, the women of the city, the men of Sodomy, surrounded the house, both young and old, all the people from every dime; and they called to Lot and said to him, "Where are the women who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us that we may have relations with them." But Lot went out to them at the doorway, and shut the door behind him, and said, "Please, my brothers, do not act wickedly." Now behold, I have two boys who have not had relations with man; please let me bring them out to you, and do to them whatever you like; only do nothing to these girls, inasmuch as they have come under the shelter of my roof.|
And The LORD saw that it was good.
Got it? Perhaps not... Basically, the "rules" say that YOU are not allowed to use the word fag, unless you're fag, in which case it's obviously considered fine. If a fag knows that you are homophobic, then using the word fag could be considered offensive. Unless of course he knows that you're actually secretly a fag in which case they will probably just try to suck your cock or something.
Despite a newly liberated generation of freshly aware sexual individuals many still agree that there is still something decidedly anal about being Gay. Women can be a pain in the ass and all, but in the end being straight actually looks like a lot less effort in the long run for most. Plus, if you really get the urge to get up all in the anal cavity with a woman, you at least don't have to kiss a guy with a beard to say thanks.
|The A Word • The B Word • The BS Word • The C Word • The D Word • The E Word • The F Word • The G Word • The H Word • The I Word • The J Words • The K Words • The L Word • The M Word • The MF Word • The N Word • The Ñ Word • The O Word • The P Word • The Q Word • The R Word • The S Word • The T Word • The U Word • The V Word • The W Word • The X Word • The Y Word • The Z Word|
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“Let us not mince words... let us merely mince!”
~ André Breton
Gay is a gay way of saying homosexual. Gay people aren't usually lesbians, unless a gay person had a sex change and then became lesbian. That would be a time wasting way of being a gay bisexual.
I don't know either. Anyway some people say gay stands for:
Others reckon this is a cruel backronym.
You really want to know? Well I don't, so go away. Yeah, I'm an ignoramus. Bite me. No, not there!
Yeah. Ah well, things don't always go your way...