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Up to date as of February 05, 2010

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Contrary to popular belief, these are not gingers.
This is a true O.G. - Original Ginger.

A Ginger is the medical term for a "person" affected by the bizarre disfiguring disease known as Gingervitus. Ghoulish symptoms include hair color ranging from an eerie light copper-tone to deep blood red, as well as a translucent to pallid skin tone. Much adversity has been attributed to gingers' existence throughout history, and while female gingers can be considered attractive, most males of the ginger persuasion seem to resemble animated clowns. (see fig 1.A)

Contents

Origin and History

Gingers have a higher concentration of these things, filling their heads with nonsense and rendering them soulless.
Fig 1.A - Sadly there is no cure for Gingervitus This person called Tim is suffering badly.

It is thought that the gingers, like other damn dirty apes, originated in Africa. For reasons still unknown, they gradually migrated Northwest, and by circa 3600BC had reached what is now modern-day Scotland. Unfortunately, due to recurrent internal strife, Scottish society was unable to put up any significant resistance to the Ginginvaders. As a result, the Gingers quickly overwhelmed the ethnic Scottish, and Scotland has ever since been dominated by the Reds.

Since the mid-1970's the steadily increasing number of Ginger immigrants to England has prompted increasingly violent ethnic tension. In recent years, this backlash has occasionally erupted into acts of terrorism and violence aimed at killing or expelling as many Gingers from Great Britain as possible. In the words of at least one widely-respected world leader, the ultimate goal is to "wipe them off the map" and "drive them into the sea" (Ahamadinajad, 2006). Interestingly, social backlash in Briton appears greatest in Irish and Muslim communities. Some DNA experts correctly speculate that such peoples are naturally prone to intolerance and terrorism due to their generally lower intelligence compared to ethnically-British people (Watson, 2007).

Luckily, Gingers will cease to exist by the year 2029. By that time, the whole of England will have finally recognized that the threat posed by Gingers, just like bird flu, AIDS sufferers, and other "bloody undesirables" needs to be isolated, quarantined, and exterminated. Amen.

Fig 1.B - Carrot Top's myspace photo. Doesn't it make you fucking sick?


Description

Gingers have no soul; This is the underlining cause of their Gingerness. Being tools of the devil, they are marked with the colour of their master (ie: red). However, not all gingers may show as being obviously Ginger. The elusive half-Ginger is produced by the breeding of a Normal with a Ginger, producing offspring who may or may not show the Ginger hair but are most certainly Ginger, right down to their soulless core. Theologists have theorised that gingers were an attempt by god to rid the world of smurfs. The ginger is the perfect anti - smurf being diametrically opposed to them (they're red). Gingers have been subject to discrimination for many years based on their appearance, and due to their absence of a soul. This soullessness has lead brunettes to believe that Gingers therefore lack emotion and dignity. This doctrine eventually led to the formation of Brown Supremacist groups which promote the "superiority" of brown-haired people.

Anatomy

Every day, more and more ginger kids are born, making the world all gingery. Do your part. Help stop World Gingering.

Ginger kids are just like you or me. Scientists have dissected many ginger kids (currently they are exempt from normal animal experimentation restrictions), and were surprised to discover how closely they resembled normal humans. In fact, they are identical to us in every way except one. Ginger kids have no soul. They are nothing more than empty shells and their only purpose is to annoy/wipe out humans.

The typical Ginger anatomy leaves little room for improvement

Common characteristics of the household Ginger are blue eyes and an abnormal amount of facial freckles. This is why children are attracted to Gingers: they believe they are playing join-the-dots games. They're also well known for the fact that they cannot stand sunlight. A ginger exposed to direct sunlight can expect to last 5 minutes at most. If the day is overcast, 6 minutes, tops. This has lead to the popular saying, "A ginger kid's chance on the beach".

Gingers are fun loving creatures, who especially like baby carrots. If you feed a ginger a baby carrot it will befriend you for life. Gingers are very territorial and will protect its cocoon with its life. While seeming cute, Ginger children are devout Satanists....never, ever, trust them. Posters of Beelzebub abound on their walls.

Gingers have been know to gain superhuman abilities when with other Gingers. This has led to the the development of Ginger Fission. The Ginger screech is when two or more gingers combine in a screech destroying all windows and and eardrums within 23 metres or 2.123 magnatons. Ginger hair also has special abilities, if you pluck one form a Ginger baby, the hair will ignite like a match.

Recently there has been a "GingerxCore" movement, encouraging young Rangers to accept themselves for who they are, then bitch about it. Likened to the emo movement, it is equally despicable, and usually features ginger youth with too much eyeliner taking oddly angled photographs of themselves in their bathroom mirrors.(see fig 1.B)

Even though this movement has been established, there are still the select few who are ashamed of their gingervitus. They will often dye their hair in an effort to fit in with normal humans. Numerous normals have been reported missing, with witnesses claiming the last place they were seen was entering the lair of a Ginger.

Fig 1.C - God made me beautiful in my own way! - Errrrrrrr what, was he drunk?? nah just stoned...Beer Goggles..."

Types and Classification

Half-breeds / Dhampirs

Those with auburn hair, or with one normal parent and one ginger parent. This is rare, as most normal humans are repulsed by the ginger's appearance (though hypnotized by the firecrotch; an excess of red hair in the pubic areas).

Self-loathing Gingers

As the title implies, reds who dye their hair to hide who they truly are. Said to be the redhead counterparts to self-hating black man Michael Jackson, they often emulate him by attempting to give their skin a new ("tan") color with creams.

North American Ginger

The North American Ginger is usually found in the United States of America. Along with Gingervitus, problems of obesity, diabetes, stupidity, impotence and excessive lying are prone to the Ginger species that reside in America. They are a foul bunch of fuckers with little to expect and little to hope for. Darwin once stated "$crew Gingers". He is the father of evolution, and would he be wrong?

UK Ginger

A very infamous type of ginger: they gained great influence in United Kingdom over the centuries by intense brainwashes, so much many people of these countries considers them as "normal" human beings. They even got their own armed Terrorist groups: the Scottish Skirt-Sporting League of Ginger Heads (SSLGH) and the Irish Jig-Addicted Red-Haired Leprechauns (IJRL).

Day Walkers

As their name implies, Day Walkers are Gingers that have mutated skin that is able to handle direct sunlight. Apart from their non aversion to sunlight, Day Walkers are still very dangerous and are the number one killers of FUN.

Raisins

A red asian, or raisin headed asian, is a person of asian ethnicity that decides they want to do what 98% of their fellow asians do and dye their hair in a lame attempt to be more white and therefore cool, not knowing the only cool people are Black people.They then dunk their head in peroxide only to find out they have unwittingly offered up their soul to the seven ginger overlords. Such disastrous results are wildly popular amongst the japanese (God knows why), however, in doing so they naturally develop +2 sexual charisma and +1 heavy melee damage absorption.

Habitat

A young, freshwater redheaded ginger clam in its natural habitat.

Gingers grow in underground cities, sewers, Atlantis, and trees, but some have managed to work their way into normal society, gradually building up a slight resistance to sunlight and weaning themselves from an all-blood diet. A few redheads live amongst us. The ones that appear during the day are usually in a hurry (clearly to escape into their cave or other dark place to hole up in).

Finding Gingers

So what about the habitat of these Gingers? Well, it is common knowledge that these Redheads are mainly nocturnal creatures (for the blondes that are reading this- nocturnal means only come out at night like owls) and can be found living in underground habitats. Another good place to search is the hairdressers; because of the amazing amount of hair dye these people need to survive. They can also be hiding amongst the emo population, which is almost as unpopular as the Gingers. They appear often with dyed black hair, as black is the only dye that actually covers ginger. Also it is commonly known that Gingism can lead to suicidal tendencies; which is why they fit well amongst the emos of the world.

What to do if you find a Ginger

The most important thing to remember: DO NOT TOUCH IT. If it touches you at any point it WILL consume your soul. If for any reason you cannot escape touching a Ginger, Listerine is the only known preventative for contracting Gingervitis so remember to carry a small bottle at all times. Also, remember to watch out for the long, sharp claws of the Ginger. With such tools they can latch on to you. If so, call the relevant authorities and have it removed. If after the meeting you start to feel hatred of small animals and there is a reddish tinge in your hair, you have breathed in "Ginger Spores", and you will in fact become a Ginger in the next 35 hours. The Ginger Spores travel into your heart, where Gingervitis is realised as the disease begins to slowly sucks your soul out, leaving a giant Ginger hole. If this happens, please attempt suicide at the next convenient moment. Understand that a ginger will never admit to its disease, they will say they have strawberry-blonde hair.

What are you staring at?

Sexuality and Breeding

The power of the ginger lies in the colorful adornment around their sexual organs. Most are hypnotized by its power, and are helpless against its attraction. While it is safe to poke with a stick or broken piece of wire, it is not safe to engage in the act of coitus without serious repercussion, usually in the form of addiction and attraction to gingers from that point forward. This is their primary weapon.

Gingers have found it easier to engage in vampirism while their victim is hypnotized by the reddish/ginger-regions before them. They often use their radiant hair, large breasts, and fertile vaginal expanse to lure innocent brown haired boys, Indians, Asians, Africans, Germans, Chinese and Haitians. Mexicans however can turn the tables on the ginger by offering up shots of tequila, which render the ginger merely whiny and annoying. Many redheads will strike for the neck, leaving purple colored blotches. For that reason many victims of redheads wear turtle necks to avoid being identified. Be sure to watch for any gingers closest to you.

Firecrotches

A Gingerus Pubis

Due to their nature, a true ginger will always grow red pubic hair (also known as "the firecrotch). This is how the lay-person can detect a pure-bred fanta-pants from a bottle-bred wannabe.

One ginger overlord.

Ginger Overlords

Modern gingers are ruled by the seven ginger overlords. These overlords remain secret to only those who are of ginger decent, but they monitor and orchestrate ginger movement everywhere. When a ginger breaks with the overlords, they are cast out and are given cancer and herpes. The only way a ginger can regain entry into the ginger society is by fellating 2 goats, sacrificing a Canadian, and stockpiling 3 years worth of Crest whitening strips.


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This article uses material from the "Ginger" article on the Uncyclopedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.







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