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Up to date as of February 05, 2010

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Scientific name: Tacobus Maxiharious

An artists depiction of the Hairy Taco



The famed Hairy Taco has been enjoyed by men and women for countless generations, however the species is now facing a stiff competitor, the unrealated, but very similar Beardless Taco.


The Hairy Taco has been a close companion to mankind for countless generations -at times outnumbering the dog, the more well known "Man's best friend".

Physical Characteristics

The Hairy Taco is known to take shape in two forms; the 'soft' Hairy Taco, and the less-desirable 'crunchy' Hairy Taco. Both subspecies are exactly identical to each other, except one having a soft outer shell ('soft' Hairy Taco), and the other being known for having a crusty outer shell ('crunchy' Hairy Taco).

Hairy Tacos can be identified by a dense coat of hair growing from its shell, otherwise known as fur, carpet, rug, or a bush. The innerds of the Hairy Taco are usually moist with ground beef, tomatoes, sour cream and lettuce, however other substances have been known to be found inside a Hairy Taco.

Related Species

A close relative of the Hairy Taco, the Bearded clam
  • Pink canoe

One should note that the Beardless Taco is not related to the Hairy Taco, even though they look very much alike.

Geographical Distribution

The bearded clam can be found on all parts of the Earth, and can even be found orbiting Earth on some occasions. However, even though the Hairy Taco can be found in all parts of the globe, it is facing a very serious threat of extinction from the Beardless Taco.

Hairy Tacos and Humans

Hairy Tacos has been, and still is, being enjoyed by man and woman alike. However, it should be noted that men tend to enjoy Hairy Tacos a little more then women.

When it comes to the interaction of Hairy Tacos and Humans, the Hairy Taco is usually eaten. Most people view the Hairy Taco as a finger food, while some enjoy it with a little sausage. In either case they are known to pulsate wildly before, during, or after.

Life Cycle

Not much is known about the Hairy Taco. Surprisingly, no even knows where they come from, when they die, or even how they breed. It is known that every once in awhile, Hairy Tacos tend to excreet a red liquid, in which scientist believe it comes from the diced tomatoes contained inside the shell. Note that Hairy Tacos are born bald.


Having a tongue like Gene Simmons will help you in eating Hairy Tacos.
  • Gene Simmons of KISS has claimed to have eaten several thousand Hairy Tacos. It is not known if he has eaten her peas also.
  • Hairy Tacos usually have a black coat, however red, light yellow and sometimes even a white coated Hairy Taco can be found. In modern times, there have been sightings of Hairy Tacos with purple, green, orange, or pink hair.
  • Hairy Tacos have been known to 'play' with themselves when bored.
  • Hairy Tacos can sometimes teleport to Claymore Mine.
  • Contrary to popular belief, not all men like the taste of a Hairy Taco. Some belong to a less-common species of man known as the battymen, and they much rather prefer the taste of a chocolate starfish. Notable celebrity examples of this include Gayham Norton and Michael Buggermore.

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This article uses material from the "Hairy Taco" article on the Uncyclopedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.

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