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“WHAT A TWIST!”
~ M. Night Shyamalan on Everything
M. Night Shyamalan
Always with a twist for us...or?...not?...but?
Directed by M. Night Shyamalan
Written by M. Night Shyamalan
Starring M. Night Shyamalan
Produced by M. Night Shyamalan
Distributed by Buena Twista Twisternational
Release date April 1, 1970
Runtime 90 minutes - Wait! It was 95 minutes all along!
Language English - or is it?
Budget One hundred billion dollars.
IMDb page

M. Night Shyamalan is an American film writer, director, producer, and - in a shocking plot twist - he's been dead for his entire career.

Shyamalan was born Manoj Nelliyattu Shyamalan. Normally, someone with this name would either go by "Manoj," because he was proud of his heritage, or "Manny," to blend in. Shyamalan goes by "Night," because he is incredibly pretentious. It is also possible that he thinks women will want to use, "So, what does the M stand for?" as an icebreaker. However, they do not, as they have a perfectly good icebreaker with "Aren't you too bad an actor to be in your own movies?"

Shyamalan is well known for writing scripts with a wide range of plot styles, which span the entire spectrum from an end with a twist to a surprise finale. He is also famous for spellbinding movie audiences with high-energy storytelling and rapid. Rhythmic. Staccato. Dialogue.

Contents

The films of M. Night Shyamalan

Greater works

  • The ones with Bruce Willis, except for the one where he's a superhero who doesn't do anything interesting except bench press some penises. So, basically, the one with the creepy little tranny who believes he is a director who can see through transparent b-roll. In the end, Bruce Willis' character finds out he is actually playing along in an on-going movie production, and the young tranny is revealed as being the director, M. Night Shyamalan, himself!

Lesser works

  • The Sixth Sense (1999) - Yes, it's Bruce Willis as you guessed it. This movie shows him being a psychiatrist named Malcolm helping a kid named Cole (played by Haley Joel Osment) who's on drugs and claims to be able to see ghosts and spirits. The twist was that Samuel L. Jackson comes out at one point shouting "I've had it with these Mother fuckin ghosts in this muthafuckin house!" But in the end, it turns out Bruce Willis himself was one of the ghosts that Cole saw. Thus, Malcolm decides to suicide.
  • Unbreakable (2000) - starring again, and again, Bruce Willis, as the sole survivor of an audience who accidentally watched a lethally tedious movie called...yes...Unbearable. There's a twist for you. Samuel L. Jackson costars as a man who says that there are, "Mother fuckin' superheroes on this motherfucking planet!".

  • Signs (2002) - here we see the signs again, oh yes, the signs of yet another utterly redundant script, as Earth is invaded by alien hostile film critics who believes that Earth's population is made up of clones of Mr. Shyamalan. Filmed in Aramaic with subtitles also in Aramaic, for some reason. Jesus (M. Night Shyamalan) dies in the end.

  • The Village (2004) - in which the Elders (an Indian, a construction worker, a cop and a sailor) hunt down the untalented M. Night Shyamalan, to reclaim back the movie budgets that were pillaged from them...forcing them to stay at the YCMA. The original twist ending was to have River Phoenix brought back from the dead, Shyamalan eventually gave up on this one after advice from Uri Geller and settled on casting Joaquin Phoenix again (as The Village Idiot) instead.

  • Lady in the Water (2006) - Arthur (M. Night Shyamalan) receives a sword from some watery tart in a lake. Later he then pulls the sword (M. Night Shyamalan) from a rock and becomes King of England and carpenter of the round table (M. Night Shyamalan). Daryl Hannah has a cameo as a mermaid.

  • The Happening (2008) - Comedy based around the works of Willian Shakespeare. Basically Tree's whisper into peoples ears telling them what they dont want to hear. If you listen very closely to the background noise where we see Barny the Dinosaur stabbing small children, the tree's are saying things. We aren't going to tell you what they are because it's a TWIST ENDING.
  • Avatar: The Last Airbender (2010) - Dear God, help us all.

Upcoming works

I've seen a lot of movies before, and this is one of them...

We regret to inform you that Mr Shyamalan is working on a new movie with the title Twist Ending.

From the looks of it, the movie is about the ghost of Ed Wood who returns as a 21st century moviemaker. The twist is...that the movie is totally boring, and it hasn't got a twist! Oh sorry, my mistake, I referred to the other one, Lady in the Water. Anyway, the new movie could actually be worthwhile, if we get paid by the hour for watching it, and insomniacs could definitely benefit from buying the DVD. Twist Ending opens up in central Philadelphia, which in itself comes as a surprise, with some random shots of buildings and then a very slow, very long zoom-in on a man feeding pidgeons, played by M. Night Shyamalan himself as a cameo! It seems this is becoming a trademark of his - what a novel idea! The soundtrack promises much - particularly to the deaf - and the special effects are stunning. Now we only have to wait until computer technology can provide moviemaker upstarts with not only state-of-the-art graphics, but also decent scripts.

The Wizard of Oz

In a massive departure from the rest of his life, in fact, one might call it a twist ending, M. Night Shyamalan, also known by his anagram, Hammy Anal Things, is directing a musical. It's not a horror movie, but it is going to have the traditional Hammy Anal twist. "Yeah," he said, "in my remake, The Wizard of Oz Movie, it's going to be very dull, but with a twist! I'll throw in a few surprises - a bit of LSD, maybe a suicide and a ritual sacrifice, and of course the devil-possessed dog.

Plot twist!

This article is actually about the underwater basketball player, M. Night Shyamalan. For the article about the film director, please see hack.

Filmmakers of the World (and America)
Epic Visionaries

Michelangelo Antonioni | Ingmar Bergman | Don Bluth | Peter Bogdanovich | Tim Burton | Charlie Chaplin | Coen Brothers | Clint Eastwood | Federico Fellini | Terry Gilliam | Norman Grossfeld | Alfred Hitchcock | John Hughes | Jim Jarmusch | Charlie Kaufman | Abbas Kiarostami | Stanley Kubrick | Sergio Leone | David Lynch | Martin Scorsese | Steven Spielberg | Quentin Tarantino | Andrei Tarkovsky | Orson Welles | Robert Rodriguez | Zack Snyder

Not-So-Epic Visionaries

Michael Bay | Mel Gibson | Uwe Boll | John Carpenter | Kevin Costner | David Cronenberg | Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer | Peter Jackson | George Lucas | Dolph Lundgren | McG | Guy Ritchie | George Romero | Eli Roth | M. Night Shyamalan | Blitz Smith | Kevin Smith | Alan Smithee | Sylvester Stallone | Ben Stiller | Billy Bob Thornton | John Woo | Ed Wood | Rob Zombie

Highly Respected in France

Woody Allen | Darren Aronofsky | Mel Brooks | Jean-Luc Godard | Fritz Lang | Jerry Lewis | Rob Schneider | François Truffaut

Highly Confusing in Japan

Dario Argento | Akira Kurosawa | Russ Meyer | Hayao Miyazaki | Mr. Takashi of Japan

Highly Disturbing in Mexico

Guillermo del Toro

Highly Racist in Suid-Afrika

Neill Blomkamp

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This article uses material from the "M. Night Shyamalan" article on the Uncyclopedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.







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