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THIS ARTICLE NEEDS A STEAMROLLER!!!
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But be a mother fucker! DO IT!!!

Charles Manson circa 2016, during his penultimate stage of evolution before becoming Marilyn Monroe.
“Deja vu all over again.”
~ Marilyn Monroe on Marilyn Manson
“I'd tap that all night long.”
~ Marilyn Manson on Himself
“I'd tap that all night long.”
~ Trent Reznor on Marilyn Manson
“I'd tap that all night long.”
~ Twiggy Ramirez on Marilyn Manson
“This is the new shit stand up and admit my shit is in your mouth!”
~ Marilyn Manson on Going to the bathroom

Marilyn Manson (aka Merlin Manzin, Monkey Insults, Marilyn Mayonnaise, Charlie White, and Him With The Wacky Eye), born on Christmas Day 2AD, is a well-known musician, artist, actor, film director and anything else he decides to be on a whim. He is often considered to be the most devil worshiping man in Hollywood, though he often expresses a soft side.

Contents

Early Life

Marilyn Manson was born as Brian Hugh Warner, in January 1969. As he grew up and began to learn to speak, he discovered that he had possibly the wankiest name on earth. So he went searching for a name that was the epitome of wankiness. One day an unholy "dirty angel" appeared to him in a dream and told him he was the bastard lovechild of Marilyn Monroe and Charles Manson. He changed his moniker accordingly. Before realising he was the holy and revered "God Of Fuck", and was destined to terrify thick mid-western Americans and God/Satan-fearing parents, Manson lived with his parents in The Arse Of America, otherwise known as "Ohio". Many of his days were spent perving on his Grandad in the basement; watching him masturbate over his train sets and examine his many enema bags. This stood Manson in good stead to become a nice, normal, balanced human being.

Career

Manson's first band were called "Marilyn Manson and the Spooky Kids". However, upon the realisation that the band name sounded like a high school talent act or a paedophile ring, the band named changed to simply "Marilyn Manson". It was guaranteed to confuse parents for many years, with children around the world being angered by the question, "Well, is that the name of the man or the name of the band?!" He first came into the public eye with his '94 release of the album, "Portrait Of An American Family" - a combination of sound effects, noises, samples, an attempt at singing, and a mish-mash of instruments, all cobbled together by band members whose names had been a production of their similar parental history to Manson. Daisy Berkowitz, Madonna Wayne Gacy, Twiggy Ramirez, Sara Lee Lucas, and Gidget Gein. Interestingly, Twigy Ramirez has no musical talent whatsoever, and is in the band purely because he supplies the rest of the members with drugs. Hence why he is listed in the album artwork as being responsible for "base tendencies". The album was produced by Nine Inch Nails blokey, Trent Reznor. And is the only reason why the album managed to gain any success, or really why it ever made it to release in the first place. After releasing "AntiChrist Superstar" in 1996, Manson suddenly became, in his own pretentious words, "A poster boy for fear". Parents across America were suddenly convinced that their children were going to start killing each other and themselves, taking drugs, listening to offensive music and wearing astonishingly large amounts of black make-up. Which is exactly what happened. Manson gigs were picketed by angry, ignorant mothers, who had decided that Manson was responsible for raising their children, and he wasn't exactly doing a fantastic job - they were depressed, angry and gothy, what was Manson going to do about it?! The thing that terrified the ignoramuses most was the fact that Marilyn Manson actually appeared to be the Antichrist. After all, it was what he had called his second album, so it must have been true! Cue mass protests, Ricki Lake discussions and fabricated links between teen suicide and Manson's songs. When Marilyn Manson released their third album, "Mechanical Animals" in 1998, his infamy was still prolific. And OhMyGod, would you believe it?! On the front of the album was a photoshopped picture of Manson himself, without proper genitalia! It was an abomination. Disgusting. Parents were horrified. Interestingly, with this album, people forgot that he was the Antichrist, and decided to focus on the sexual aspect of his songs. What a surprise. So now Manson terrified the inbred hicks of America for another reason. As well as challenging their ideology that there was no religion other than christianity, they were now terrified, as they all fancied Manson, and wanted to kill him for making them realise that they were all gay. When his 2000 album, "Holywood" was released, to be honest, people had got a bit bored of it all. Eminem had just released his album, "The Marshall Mathers LP", and America was totally engrossed in finding things to blame on it. Manson went downhill from there, releasing "The Golden Age Of Grotesque" in 2003, which was just plain shocking. It was a classic example of "Oh shit, we haven't released a record for ages and we're running out of money, let's write some stuff". He went on to repeat this formula with "Eat Me Drink Me" in 2007, and "The High End Of Low" in 2009. Everyone began to agree that he was too old to be prancing about in 12in platforms with silly hair and too much make-up, and that really he should grow up a bit.

Career

Early Career

Prior to and during the formation of the band, Manson had a job as journalist interviewing musicians for a small college newspaper. He is described as having shown great promise, 'would he not scrap the interview and start talking about himself halfway through the article.'

A point of interest is that a lot of Manson's success since has been alleged to be down to help given by the newspaper's editor. However, the only person to allege this is the editor herself, and it is widely regarded as bullshit. He also got paid to suck Beck's cock. I mean Beck didn't request it, Manson offered and Beck found he had $3.72 in his pocket and took pity on the cock-hungry Manson.

Musical Career

Marilyn Manson and The Spooky Kids

The initial incarnation of what would be 'Marilyn Manson' involved a group of 5 college students and unemployed stoners: Marilyn Manson, Brian Bunting, Ned Schneeblee, Quentin Winbuck and Malcolm Flynn. At this early stage, none of the band could play an instrument, so they resorted to wild onstage antics including sex with blow-up dolls, masturbating and throwing poultry/puppies and drugs in the crowd.

The band's name was quickly changed from 'Marilyn Manson And The Spooky Kids' to just 'Marilyn Manson'. He also forced the bassist to change his name to Twiggy Ramirez.

Solo Career

With Manson pacified and sullenly sucking on a lollipop while Twiggy Ramirez stared, the rest of the band could now focus on honing their sound of playing an Em chord for 40 measures and releasing their first studio album, 'Portrait Of An American Family'. Manson's influences can be strongly heard on the album, which include 'Scooby Doo' and 'Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory'. However, the band would not gain great popularity until 2 years later.

Around this time, the satisfaction from 'Portrait' and the subsequent blot-on-the-landscape 'Smells Like Children' was beginning to wear off, and Manson sunk into deep depression. Manson also attributes his self-harm and general gloominess to a series of personal misfortunes, including not being able to paint his living room the color he wanted and being attacked for stealing a bandmate's whisky. Out of this dark period came an equally dark, hateful and oh-so-provocative album, the band's popularity began to rise. The album title, 'Antichrist Superstar', unsurprisingly attracted the attention of would-be Christian protesters, although most of the band's controversy was generated by Manson's 'horrifyingly satanic' dicky contact lens.

Following 'Antichrist Superstar', Manson donned an androgynous green alien get-up for the album 'Mechanical Animals'. Initially dismissed by hardcore fans as being 'pussy-ass gentle shit', 'Mechanical Animals' is now widely regarded by fans as being 'the best album ever ever EVER so emotional and sublime and oh my God look at his ass in that catsuit!'

Subsequently released to slowly waning popularity were 'Holywood', 'The Golden Age Of Grotesque' and 'Eat it, Drink it, Snort it'. In 2009 he is going to release a new album, 'The High End of My Cock' which is rumoured to be a musical fucky self-biography about his cockhead(s).

Columbine High School Massacre

Marilyn Manson is also widely known to be the main proponent of the Columbine High School Massacre. Manson reportedly recorded the album 'Holywood' in order to seduce young, popular teenagers to become outcasts and shoot up their schools. Once the album was released in the US in November 2000, it was played on stereos nationwide for long enough to send the destructive messages in his music back in time approximately six months in the form of a telepathic signal that affected two students at the school. This marked the sixth ever recorded and possibly the most destructive "Billboard™-Shining™-Doppler Event" (see BSD Event), with a Billboard peak of 13 at the Doppler focal point in Colorado.

Other Criminal Offenses

Marilyn Manson is, in part, the cause of all school shootings in the history of the American public school system. He is also known to be the cause of various other types of crimes and diseases including abortion, rape, incest, bestiality, the 'Twilight' saga by Sarah Palin, nausea, dry-mouth, constipation, vomiting, erectile dysfunction, AIDS, super AIDS, SARS, SIDS, SIDA, EMO kids, Angels and Airwaves, and Panic! At The Disco. Some specific notable incidents include the following:

  • In 1998, Manson was found roaming a back alley in Akron Ohio, ass naked and covered in peanut butter. When confronted by by a local police officer, Manson responded by doing the YMCA with his legs, then got down and started break dancing, all that while shouting "SHAMU, SHAMU", before quickly disappearing into the night.
  • In 2000, Manson was arrested for climbing onto a security guard, demanding a piggyback ride around the building and then forcing his genitalia up the guard's nose. The charges were later dropped when semen stains indicating enjoyment were found in the security guards' underpants.
  • In 2002, Manson dressed as a woman with sagging breasts and shoplifted a carton of Virginia Light cigarettes from a small convenience store. Manson was made to pay for the cigarettes and was given a 2-week ban from the store.
  • In 2005, he was convicted of conspiracy to breed kittens for the express purpose of huffing them, and of advertising the pleasures of a foot-job. The case remains open, as all the kittens that were the only evidence went mysteriously missing, presumed huffed.
  • She is hot as fuck.

See also


This article uses material from the "Marilyn Manson" article on the Uncyclopedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.







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