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Uncyclopedia

Up to date as of February 05, 2010
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From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

      Whoops! Maybe you were looking for You?
“I hate him!”
~ Polyphemus on Nobody
“In Soviet Russia,errrrr”
~ Russian reversal on nobody
This article is a copyright violation.
Luckily, nobody cares. So he may sue you.
Meh, nobody cares about this article.
Nobody was convicted of committing the infamous 'Jack the Ripper' murders of 1888. Here is his mugshot.
“I'm Nobody and Nobody's perfect.”
~ Nobody on Himself Herself Itself
“I don't like her.”
~ Nobody on Sara Lee
“I beat their prices.”
~ Nobody on Bad Boy
“I'd rather be a nobody than you”
~ Anybody talking about Kevin Rudd
“Nobody does it half as good as you.”
~ Carly Simon on Nobody
“Nobody can do you like me.”
~ Keith Sweat on Nobody
“He loves me!”
~ Emo Kid on Nobody
“I want nobody, nobody but you!”
~ Wonder Girls on Nobody
“Nobody has blinded me!”
~ Polyphemus after being blinded by Odysseus
“He is a better guitarist than Jimi Hendrix
~ Captain Obvious on Nobody
“He thinks I have talent!”
~ Miley Cyrus on Nobody
“Guess who came to see Hilary Duff in concert in 2009?”
~ Oscar Wilde on Nobody
“I care.”
~ Nobody
“I'm gonna vote her 2012!”
~ Nobody on Sarah Palin
“I really hate Raymond”
~ Nobody


Born as No one, Nobody {also known as Allen Heymore The Blob.} conceived himself on June 8, 1922 and was born on February 29, 1923. He was born again in 1966 after finding Jesus and then becoming saved at Eleanor Rigby's funeral. Popular belief is that he died on January 26, 1998 (When Clinton lied); however, he is still alive and will probably live forever. His talents are endless and he possesses the largest ego in the known universe. The reason for the obscurity of his continued existence is believed to be linked to the fact that he made himself nameless. He does however have several pseudonyms, including Nothing, Death, Sanjaya Malakar, Cat Lover, Osama Bin Laden, and the corrupt economists behind the 9/11 attacks.

Nobody, being enigmatic and tricksy has no known proof of current existance, much like god and love. Also, despite having no known gender, it has been proven that in all likelihood Nobody loves you. Nobody is also considered to be the only one who has ever touched Chuck Norris. He is also the only one to have ever expected the Spanish Inquisition. Some rather uppity, disenchanted women have complained that Nobody is a man. However, Nobody is perfect, and cares about everything and anything in the world

Nobody's insignia, which he proudly wears every day, despite the fact that it's a blatant rip-off of Kingdom Hearts. However, Nobody doesn't care.also it looks suspiciously like a penis but nobody cares.

Contents

White guys

Nobody is a fan of assburgers and Dream Theatre, he thinks they are a bunch guamless detritus. nobody has assassinated 8,000 white guys and is famous for killing his archenemy everybody he also had a hanging growth beneath his genitalia; ergo, he could not reproduce, and so he took a bath. During WW2, he swam across the Atlantic Ocean to Japan ( America ) after he was left behind, thereby discovering the north-western passage to the Pacific. He spent Christmas 1943 on the North Pole, in his underwear.

After surviving the nuclear holocaust, Nobody discovered alien life on the moon (after inventing it), when he witnessed the landing of the Eagle in late July 1969. He got there by hitching a ride with a cow who was headed in that direction.

Everything was, of course, his fault.

Nobody is there

Earlier Years

The sound of the one hand clapping was the first in a series of discoveries he made. He went on to discover the whole truth, the philosophers stone, the meaning of life, the secret of happiness, the Fountain of Youth and the secret of success.

Nobody was around to hear a tree falling in a forest, it didn't make a sound.

Franz Kafka wrote about a bunch of nobodies, but littledid he know there is only Nobody.

His unusual exploits drew the attention of the Illuminati, whom he as yet keeps eluding. They almost got him when they sent the Spanish Inquisition after him during his successful trip back in time, but to their dismay he expected them and escaped in time.

Odysseus tried to impersonate him, and Nobody got really off. But he couldn't do a thing, as he was ( And still is ) Nobody Loves Me

Earliest years

He made himself, and therefore, the title of 'Self-Made Man', to be taken literally.

Became Made Man of his own mafia henceforth, known as, "Nobody's friends".

His mother and father were Imagination and Indians.

Nobody voted for Nobody...

Nobody also ran for president before, nobody voted.

Most Earliest Years

Nobody cares... a little too much about this section, so he made it so only he can read it.

Later Years

Nobody ( on left ), during his trial for previously failing to appear in court.

Only he himself knows what he is up to now, but with the many things that can be attributed to him, he certainly will remain famous forever, if only for his prodigious ability to lick his own elbow.

Also, he liked this article until the person who wrote the text you are reading now read it.

Got his own talk show (called "Nobody Cares") which was cancelled due to apathy.

He also met Somebody and Himself

Minutes before Nobody's assasination.

Brief death

Nobody briefly died in March 1997, but was brought back by somebody as he owed him one. Nobody was killed by Lee Harvey Oswald and that's a fact I can prove with my MIGHTY citation of steel (now where did I put it, oh shit) (Citation Badly Craved).

Discoveries

Nobody discovered:

  • an honest politician
  • the sense of life
  • the philosopher's stone
  • the secret ingredient of coca-cola
  • the secret of success
  • a pc supporting Windows Vista
  • the sexual identity of tokio hotel singer
  • who framed Roger Rabbit
  • where Kansas city is
  • how red bull can give you wings
  • when Chuck Norris was born
  • where Osama Bin Laden is
  • where Barack Obama was born
  • why you exist
  • how to kill an Emo
  • the end of beautiful
  • weather paige loves jacob.
  • the location of Waldo
  • the last digit of pi
  • Jimmy Hoffa's hiding place
  • a place where one can comfortably discuss death, taxes and the Great Pumpkin.
  • why 42 is the ultimate answer to life, the universe, and everything.

The Nobody-Somebody-Everybody-and-Chuck-Norris-Paradox

we all know that:

  • 1)Nobody is stronger than Chuck Norris;
  • 2)In a fight between Somebody and Nobody, Somebody MUST win
  • 3)So Somebody can beat Chuck Norris

BUT

  • 4)Everybody is killed By Chuck Norris
  • 5)Everybody can kill Somebody

SO

  • 6)Everybody can kill Somebody who can beat Chuck Norris

Conclusion:

  • 7)Nobody CAN'T beat Chuck Norris because Nobody IS Chuck Norris. So Somebody and Everybody CAN'T beat Chuck Norris because Nobody is Chuck Norris.

If I am confusing you, shut up and pay more attention, because nobody cares a lot about you, and he would appreciate it if you returned the favor by reading his article.

HOWEVER

  • 1)Nobody is stronger than Chuck Norris
  • 2)Anyone can beat up Nobody
  • 3)Anybody can beat up Chuck Norris
Nobody makes useful contributions to Wikipedia, but not to Uncyclopedia.

The Tragedy of Nobody: Perfect, yet totally unappreciated

Somebody said that Nobody is perfect, and Everybody agreed. In fact, only God and Nobody are perfect. However, though Nobody loves Everybody, Everybody says it's better to be a somebody than a nobody.

Beliefs

Nobody believes in:

Nobody Facts

Main article: List of Nobody Facts

  • NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!
  • NOBODY has nothing.
  • NOBODY steals our chicks and lives.
  • NOBODY can lift himself
  • NOBODY can lick his elbow.

Even more later years

Nobody is still a nobody, though he became a superhero known as Nowhere Man. Whenever somebody beats up the bad guys and disapears with no trace, that's not superman, it's nobody!

Lastest Years

Despite pro da from Nobody-hater's, he's not going to live.

However, he put himself in a cryogen-lab in 1999 and is expected to wake up in the year 3265.

As far as the law is concerned, 'rat is dyin' e'nuff'zelh.

Despite the lack of demand, the Nobody corporation has released a series of Nobody action figures, featuring Nobody in different outfits.

In most hopeless situations, it's likely that Nobody will save you.

Nobody is a CAWs.ws member as well. and nobody is still a well loved member of society today

Nobody has made a recent appearance in Kingdom Hearts. Revealing his nickname Rock's ass. He is the half latino twin brother of Sora.

He began a criminal career, by going into a bank at daylight, grabing the money and claiming "Nobody was here!". The Police were confused. Because of that fact, a was rumour was spreading, claiming "Nobody is perfect"


This article uses material from the "Nobody" article on the Uncyclopedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.

Wackypedia

Up to date as of February 07, 2010

From Wackypedia

I bet you thought that you were going to come to this page, safe from alien invaders, but you are wrong, I, Mr. No one am here, and i suggest that you leave the premises immediately for trespassing in my home and eating all my scownes.

Your friend can stay, I like him...

...no the one sitting on your right...

...dressed as a cowboy...

...no thats a gimp costume... the other right

...ah yes... mmmmmmmmm

See also


This article uses material from the "No one" article on the Wackypedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.

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