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Uncyclopedia

Up to date as of February 05, 2010
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Odin Loves This Article

The Allfather, the Hanged God, the Lord of Men, is the supreme judge of heroic things. He has personally reviewed this article and determined that it is up to Valhalla's quality standards. The author is permitted to enter the heroic realm of Asgard upon death. In the meantime, the author will be given a cask of Odin's favorite mead.

“So, this Norse guy is all like, "Þorgeirr blundr, systursonr Egils, var þar á þinginu ok hafði gengit hart at liðveizlu við Þorstein. Hann bað Egil ok þá Þorstein koma sér til staðfestu út þangat á Mýrar; hann bjó áðr fyrir sunnan Hvítá, fyrir neðan Blundsvatn. Egill tók vel á því ok fýsti Þorstein, at þeir léti hann þangat fara. Egill setti Þorgeir blund niðr at Ánabrekku, en Steinarr fœrði bústað sinn út yfir Langá ok settisk niðr at Leirulæk. En Egill reið heim suðr á Nes eptir þingit með flokk sinn, ok skildusk þeir feðgar með kærleik!" And so then I'm all like, "Dude, what are you talking about?"”
~ Oscar Wilde on Norse

Norse is a severely guttural language, spoken mainly in the offices of dentists and orthodontists. The language has been passed down across the generations by families with a history of dental problems, and is now spoken primarily in places of dental hygiene across the world.

Contents

History

The history of the Norse language is a history of a language rich with history, which shall be recounted here in the history of the language, richly.

Old Norse

Old Norse dates back to at least ten years ago, when Viking bereserkers, in the heat of battle, would engage in witty banter with their opponents as they slaughtered them. Old Norse evolved from the practice of a defeated enemy trying to carry on this banter even after they had a sword jammed into their throat. For example:

Berg the Impaler: You'll never defeat me!

Thorblad the Torturer: That's what you think! (jams sword into Berg's throat)

Berg the Impaler: Er fyrstr var konungr kallaðr!

Thorblad the Torturer: What? (walks away, confused)

Thus, the Norse language began.

One of the original speakers of Old Norse.

Middle Norse

Later, in more civilized times, the language began to be used when a patient was experiencing an act of oral hygiene, especially when a tooth was pulled, or a cavity filled. This is an example of Middle Norse, used sometime after the birth of Christ:

Norweigan Dentist: This is a fairly simple procedure. First we numb the area of the mouth with a crude anasthetic, and then I use this hand drill to mutilate the area surrounding the tooth. With just a few tugs, the tooth pops out, and you're ready to go.

Edvard Munch: I don't think this is a very good i-- (Interrupted by the hand drill in his mouth)

Norweigan Dentist: What were you saying?

Edvard Munch: Veðr ok Þegn ok Gunnarr reistu stein þenna at Haursa, fǫður sinn!

Norweigan Dentist: What? (walks away, confused)

Modern Norse

The present day Norse language, or Modern Norse, differed from these two ancestors in that the typical umlauts became more strongly pronounced, and adjectives began to be declined in the nominative as opposed to the genetive, and in the dative as opposed to the accusative. Furthermore, pronouns were now spoken with inflectional paradigms. However, on the whole, the language itself has not evolved so much as the places in which it is used. This is an example of Modern Norse, which one can hear at the orthodontist's offices of Reykjavik even today:

Bjork: I already have fine teeth, this is completely unnecessa--(Interrupted by the retainer forced upon her teeth)

Icelandic Orthodontist: My, you look charming in your new retainer!

Bjork: ÞgeiR blundr systor s egils v þar aþingino hafði gengit hart at liþueizlo við þst. h bað egil þa þstein coma ser t staðfesto ut þangat a myrar h bio aðr fyr suNan huit a fyr neþan blundz vatn Egill toc uel aþui. oc fysti þst at þr leti h þangat fa ra. Egill setti þorgeir blund niðr at ana brecko En stein fǫrði bustað siN ut yf lang á. settiz niðr at leiro lǫk. En egill reið hei suðr anes ept þingit m flocc siN. Skilðoz þr feðgar m kęrleic!

Icelandic Orthodontist: What? (walks away, confused)

The language has not changed significantly since this exchange took place.

Practical Usage

Like most other foreign languages, it is primarily used to exclude normal people from a conversation.

Norse Translations

Modern day translations of text into Norse are generally made when one reads aloud to a small child directly after dental surgery, or while wearing a retainer or headgear. Because of this context, most translations are of such works of fiction as "Goodnight, Moon," or, "The Berenstein Bears and Too Much Junk Food." However, many older texts were translated into Norse, most notably the entire works of Shakepeare, by actors and professional story tellers who felt that "the show must go on," even if their mouths were still full of broken molars. These works are collectively known as the "Poetic Edda," poetic because most of the texts were poems, and edda because someone tried to spell "dead" (the state that their dentist was now in) and failed miserably. The Poetic Edda is in Middle Norse, although most published versions have an introduction in New Norse.


This article uses material from the "Norse" article on the Uncyclopedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.

Cybernations

Up to date as of January 31, 2010
(Redirected to National Religion article)

From the Cyber Nations Wiki, the wiki dedicated to the Cyber Nations Game.

This page is about the religion options which your population requests and which you set in-game. For other articles about religion, see the religion section of the idelogy portal.
#REDIRECTwikipedia:Religion
This page is a soft redirect.

When you first create your nation and select your national religion, a random religion will eventually be selected as your people’s "desired religion." Your nation's location on the world map has nothing to do with your people's desired religion. The desired religion will change over time.

If your national religion is not the same as your people’s desired religion, then your nation’s population happiness will be negatively affected (-1 happiness). You can view hints of your people's preferred religion on the View My Nation screen. There are other "hidden" ways to determine your people's desired religion. You can only change your national religion once every 3 days.

The different religion choices have no effect other than giving a happiness bonus if the desired religion is chosen.

Religions

The fourteen available religions to choose from are as follows:

  • None - Your nation does not have an official national religion.
  • Mixed - Your nation does not have a defined national religion, but instead a mixed amount of religions throughout your nation. This might mean you either have one which is has a bit of every religion, or opens for having all religions represented equally.
  • Baha'i Faith - The Bahá'í Faith is an emerging global religion founded by Bahá'u'lláh, a nineteenth-century Iranian exile. Bahá'í theology speaks of three interlocking unities: the oneness of God (Monotheism); the oneness of his prophets or messengers; and the oneness of humanity (Equality, world unity, globalism).
  • Buddhism - The religion based on the teachings of Siddhartha Gautama, known as Buddha. He refuted the idea of man's having an immortal soul and did not preach of any Supreme Deity.
  • Christianity - A monotheistic system of beliefs and practices based on the Old Testament and the teachings of Jesus as embodied in the New Testament and emphasizing the role of Jesus as savior.
  • Confucianism - A philosophy of life developed by Confucius. It stressed the proper relationships in society, such as father/son and subject/ruler.
  • Hinduism - The ancient gods (especially the triad of Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva) are commonly interpreted as representations of the various aspects of the divine (Brahman). Human beings progress to the ultimate realization of their oneness with Brahman (often called Nirvana) through Reincarnation according to the law of Karma.
  • Islam - The name of the monotheistic religion that was initiated by Muhammad early in the 7th century.
  • Jainism - A religion founded by Nataputta, who was a royal clan of the Nata tribe in ancient India at the time of Shakyamuni. Its basic doctrine is non-materialistic atheism.
  • Judaism - A religion developed among the ancient Hebrews and characterized by belief in one transcendent God who has revealed himself to Abraham, Moses, and the Hebrew prophets and by a religious life in accordance with Scriptures and rabbinic traditions.
  • Norse - Ancient Northern European polytheistic religion based in runes and legends, commonplace among Germanic Tribes.
  • Shinto - Japan's indigenous religion, based on the premise that gods inhabit all natural things, both animate and inanimate.
  • Sikhism - The doctrines of a monotheistic religion founded in northern India in the 16th century by Guru Nanak and combining elements of Hinduism and Islam.
  • Taoism - There is no personal god, the closest thing being the Tao, which is a supreme force which underlies change through the passage of time. One is to become free of personal desires, and become attuned to the flow of change.
  • Voodoo - Derived from the ancestor worship and polytheism of primitive West Africa that emphasizes sorcery, spells and conjuring spirits of the dead.

Religion Desires

When your nation changes its desired religion, there is a short description of the summaries corresponding to each religion. Here is a compilation of those descriptions and their corresponding religion. This list may not be all-inclusive, so if you come across a new one not listed here feel free to add it.

  • None - Perhaps they do not desire a religion.
  • Mixed - There is no dominant religion among your population at this time but instead a variety of various teachings and followings.
  • Baha'i faith - They desire a modern middle eastern religion that focuses on monotheism.
  • Buddhism - They desire a national religion but do not care to worship a supreme deity. or They desire to follow a religion that seeks freedom from greed, hatred and delusion, and enlightenment through realizing the Four Noble Truths and following the Eightfold Path.
  • Christianity - The majority of your people desire a religion that worships a divine savior. or They desire a monotheistic system of beliefs and practices based on the Old Testament and the teachings of Jesus Christ as embodied in the New Testament.
  • Confucianism - They desire a Far Eastern philosophical religion emphasizing love for humanity, high value given to learning and to devotion to family and ancestors, peace, justice, and respect for traditional culture.
  • Hinduism - They believe in reincarnation and karma and desire a religion that supports this philosophy.
  • Islam - They wish to worship a supreme being called Allah and follow the teaching of a prophet recorded in their sacred text called the Quran.
  • Jainism - They are primarily non-materialistic and wish for a national religion that supports atheism and that teaches that every single living thing is an individual and eternal soul, called Jiva, which is responsible for its own actions.
  • Judaism - They desire a religion that follows divine scriptures. or They desire a religion that follows divine scriptures with ethical principles embodied chiefly in the Torah and in the Talmud.
  • Norse - They wish to follow an ancient religion followed by Germanic tribes living in Nordic countries under pre-Christian period.
  • Shinto - They believe that god is present in all walks of life, both in living and non-living things.
  • Sikhism - They desire a belief system which blends Hindu traditions with Islamic monotheistic traditions, the belief in one God and the teachings of the Ten Gurus.
  • Taoism - They do not believe in a single god but instead believe in oneness and freedom from personal desires.
  • Voodoo - They believe in the conjuring of dead spirits and desire a national religion that supports this.

This article uses material from the "National Religion" article on the Cybernations wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.

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