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Oomph!
Damn this picture looks gay....Oh never mind they are European it's OK
Origins Somewhere in Germany
Years Active 1584-2514
Genre(s) Rammstein Metal
Labels All Germans are Fascists Inc.
Members Dero

Flux

Crap

      Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Rammstein?
“I've made that noise before. ”
~ Oscar Wilde on Oomph!
“Vhy do ze amerikan fanz lauff at me vhenever I'am am introduzed onto ze stage?”
~ Crap on American Fans
“LOL "Crap on American fans". Its a pun, get it? His name is 'Crap'. LMAO”
~ Captin Obvious on the above quote
“His hair may be spikier, but I've got a butt like Jennifer Lopez! Top that!”
~ Richard Z. Rice-Krispies of Rammstein on Dero
“So, they're German right?”
~ n00b on Oomph!


Oomph! (Not to be confused with 'Zero-Zero miles per hour') is a German Neue Deutsche Härte (German for "Big German Hardness") German-band from Germany. They are known for their resemblance to Rammstein, and being German.

Contents

Band Members

Dero

Dero is the lead singer, and drummer (how the fuck that works, I don't Know). He was born with his mouth permanently wide open in a perfect "O" and is an African-German musician, from Germany. He lost his dark skin at the age of 13 when Jesus blessed Dero with the gift of innocence. He pursued a college degree in gynecology, but dropped out when he learned that he had to inspect fat women for vaginal diseases, he was under the impression that gynecology was the profession of fingering hot women.

A well known picture of Dero screaming like a fucking lunatic. "BLOOOOOOAAAAAHHHH"

Crap

Crap is the guitarist, and band member that American fans like to chuckle at. Throughout his childhood, Crap had suffered from psychological problems, not because his name was Crap, but due to the amount of crack his mother needed to be on during her pregnancy in order to name her child 'Crap'. Crap is an out-of-closet pedophile, or a "Catholic priest" as its commonly called.

Flux

Flux is the mixer and other guitarist. Flux is bald, he is 'too sexy for his hair, too sexy for his hair, too sexy to sniff grannys' underwear' as he often proclaims. He is also to sexy for your, that's right your party. There is no way he's disco dancing. Flux is the cool-old-looking-bald-guy-that-can-still-rock of the group.

Live Support

Leo "Leon" McLeoleonson

Leo is the drummer who plays in live shows. The guy looks like a fuckin' alien, and it's pretty sad when a guy named Crap makes fun of your name.

Ḧägën

Hagen is Oomph's bassist who plays live. He often gets jumped by the other members, because as Dero so kindly puts it, "That son of a bitch broke into the tour bus"!


He's actually a bassist, but you needn't know that - Flux and Crap only got him involved so they could have three-way buttsecks while sharing crude jokes only a guitarist would understand.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Oomph!.

Band History

Even though Oomph existed before, created an album before, is older than, and is given credit by the other tanz-metal band Rammstein, they are very pissed at Rammstein for "copying" or "stealing their sound". Before that, they were just a bunch of homeless German guys that resorted to male prostitution just to survive. One day in 1989, the three of them simultaneously came across a machine; after that, the found the time travel device that they used to steal Rammsteins music.

Incidentally, the band's name derives from a noise Crap frequently makes.

Style

Oomph's style is considered Neue Deutsche Härte, which means "Big German Hardness", which Dero thought up himself. In an interview in 2004, when asked how he got the name for this new genre, he replied that it had nothing to do with what happens to his penis when he listens to it.

Discography

Studio Albums

  • OOOOOMPH!!!one!!11!! (1992)
  • MMMMM...Sperm! (1994)
  • Defekate (1995)
  • Munchkins (1996.5)
  • Unrain (1998)
  • Polyester (1999...)
  • Leggo my Ego ( . )( . )
  • German Mumbo Jumbo (2004)
  • German Mumbo Jumbo II (2017)
  • Meine Cock (2008)

Compilation Albums

  • The Early Works (Blacks don't) (1998)
  • Best of Virgin Years (yesterday)
  • Dicklicktion (today)

DVDs

  • Fürck Auf (2007)
Did you know...
The word 'German(y)' appears 30 times on this page, assuming that no n00b assholes fuck it up.

Trivia

  • The band members have no real names, they were found at the center of an incinerated church, and have no family or relatives. They were named after the German words for snap, crackle and pop.
  • 90% of all German transvestites are fans of Oomph, there has never been an explanation as to why.
Crap does not understand American humor...
  • Each band member, with the notable exception of Crap, was inflicted with a spine condition due to a chemical gas that leaked into the stadium the band played at in Paris, 1992. This infliction paralyzed their neck, which is why the band cannot head bang, thus they replaced head banging with an original dance dubbed the 'Oomph! hop', which consists of hopping in place to the beat of the song, occasianaly spinning in unison as well.
  • Crap was not inflicted with the condition as he was discovered to have immunity to it, due to a special genetic mutation he has in his 11th cromosome. It is speculated this mutation is a result of imbreeding, his mother also being his daughter (it happened somehow).

See Also


This article uses material from the "Oomph!" article on the Uncyclopedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.







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