The Fool Wiki

Poet: Wikis


Note: Many of our articles have direct quotes from sources you can cite, within the Wikipedia article! This article doesn't yet, but we're working on it! See more info or our list of citable articles.

Uncyclopedia

Up to date as of February 05, 2010

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

US Marines guarding and monitoring captured poets at the Poetry Detention Complex in Guantanamo Bay.
“Poetry is for faggots and lonely women, which is why like it so much.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Poetry
“I like poetry.”
~ some faggot on Poetry
“I like poetry, too.”
~ some lonely woman on Poetry
“You shouldn't let poets lie to you.”
“I knew a poet once. He could never be anywhere on time, the idiot!”

Poet is a term that refers to certain wandering persons without homes, particularly those who make a habit of sending incomprehensible scribblings through the mail to appear artistic. The iconic image of a poet is that of a downtrodden, shabbily-dressed and perhaps drunken male, one that was solidified in American culture during the Great Depression. Poets are often depicted carrying goatee clippers.

The image of the poet has been employed by entertainers to create wildly successful characters in the past, most famously Emmett Kelly's "Rhymin Wymin" and Red Skelton's "Freddy the Freeloader".

Contents

Origins

The best way to prepare a child for a future as a poet is to feed him discarded vegetables mixed with dirt.

The origin of the term poet is not confirmed, though there are popular theories.

Some have suggested that it may come from the term poe-boy meaning "miserably broke long-winded blowhard without a job." Others suggest that it could come from the admonition of Edgar Allen Poe's mother upon confiscating his wine-bottles: "Poe, eat!" (Being misunderstood in sound as 'Poeat') Still others have said that the term comes from the Japanese word po-po-et meaning "Man who nobody reads and who then lands on sword."

History

The population of poets increases during times of economic trouble, and indeed their numbers increased greatly during the Great Depression. With no work and no prospects at home, many people decided in the 1930s to take up poetry, since it paid as much as any other work available at the time -- that is to say, nothing.

Nowadays there are few railroad-riding poets left, though there are still small numbers of them teaching for food in the universities. Some itinerant poets today travel by car rather than rail, but still identify themselves as homeless and are routinely rounded up by the police and sent to San Francisco, where they end up as being forcefully recruited into vile gay gangs roaming the street sexually attacking innocents.

Dangers

Life as a poet is a dangerous one. In addition to the problems of being literate, itinerant, poor, far from home and support, and the hostile attitude of the majority of the U.S. Population (Which is illiterate), the railroads employ their own security staff in order to keep poets off the boxcars. These guards, often nicknamed literary journal editors, have a reputation for being rough with poets.

If that wasn't enough, composing verse while trying to jump onto a freight train can be perilous. When trying to think up words that rhyme, one can easily fall under the wheels or get trapped between cars, or freeze to death in bad weather while trying to think of deep things to write about. When freezer cars are loaded at an ice-factory, any poet inside is likely to be killed before his sonnets defrost. Which might take a while, depending on're deepness of its rhymes, since depth + rhymes equals lack of temperature (can be translated to lack of popularity or not being "hot" enough) if one's allowed to add a little mathematics to it, but that's out of the question with poetry, far too useful.

Poet-lingo

Often heard in certain neighbourhood of poet-gang's formed their own slang.

Beware if you should just travel trough their area, they're often armed with razor-sharped edged paper's and ton-weighing book's.

  • Bindle stick - Collection of poetry books and other belongings wrapped in cloth and tied around a stick for easy travel.
  • Bone polisher - A male poet with no female poet to smoke clove cigarettes with and screw
  • Bull - The work of a rival poet.
  • Cannonball - A fast poet who burns out early and must jump off the Golen Gate Bridge.
  • Catch the Westbound - said of a poet who has starved to death in California.
  • Chuck a dummy - Pretend to faint at a reading, so as not to have to listen to the odious work of an envy-inspiring rival.
  • Crumbs - An annual income.
  • Doggin' it - Trading sexual favors for ink.
  • Easy mark - A poet sign or mark that identifies a person or place where one can get food and a place to stay overnight.
  • Blackboard Jungle - A university near a convenient railroad yard, with classrooms where poets camp and congregate.
  • Knowledge bus - A schoolbus where marijuana can be cheaply purchased from grammar school children.
  • On The Fly - looking for a new woman to live off.
  • Punk - A person with a job.
  • Slop-tart - A girl who will give pleasure in exchange for allowing her to read her nonsense verse to a basement full of bored bongo-thumpers.
  • iambic pentameter - A large lemon flavoured ice cream.
  • Road kid - A young poet who apprentices himself to an older poet in order to learn how to carjack fuel-efficient vehicles.
  • Rum dum - A poet who isn't drunk enough. Also see: Sober.
  • Soup bowl - A place to get soup, bread and drinks.
  • Snipes - Cigarette butts "sniped" (Found in ashtrays or wherever).
  • Spear biscuits - Looking for food in garbage cans.

Poet Code

To cope with the difficulty of poet life, poets have developed a system of symbols, or a code. Poet's write this code with chalk or coal to provide directions, information, and warnings to other poets. Some signs include "turn right here", "beware of hostile railroad police", "dangerous dog", "food available here", and so on. For instance:

  • A cross signifies "finger food," that is, food thrown out after a cocktail party so that it can be served to poets.
  • A triangle with hands signifies that the home-owner is illiterate and owns a gun.
  • Sharp teeth signify a mean dog.
  • A square missing it's top line signifies it is safe to camp behind the well-lit garbage cans where one can also squat and scribble.
  • A top hat and a triangle signify the home of a wealthy non-poet.
  • A penis signifies a warning that the dude living in this garret is a real dick.
  • A circle with two parallel arrows means to get out fast, as drunk's who mumble in rhyme are not welcome here.
  • Two interlocked human hands signify handcuffs. (I.e. poet's are hauled off to jail by national policy).
  • A Caduceus symbol signifies the house has a medical doctor who writes poetry, such as William Carlos Williams.
  • A cat signifies that a kind lady lives here and maybe you can get some pussy and beer.
  • A wavy line (Signifying water) above an X means fresh water and an abandoned apartment house full of pads with working toilets.
  • A square with a slanted roof (Signifying a house) with an X through it means that the inhabitants have already been "burned" or "tricked" by another poet and no longer trust over-educated slobs who don't have steady work.
  • Two shovels, signifying work is available (I.e., Avoid this house).

List of Major Poets

e.e. cummings one of our generations greatest poets stumped over the concept of grammar
This template is blue because this article needs cleanup.
Please make spelling, grammar, or punctuation corrections, reorganize the content, or delete bad content and clichés so this template will cheer up.


:User:Zana_Dark
   v  d  e
Fundamental Stereotypes
Adults | African Americans | Americans | Asian People | Assholes | Australians | Babies | Basement-dwellers | Beatniks | Bros | Black People | Blondes | Bogans | Boys | Brazilians | Brits | Brunettes | Canadians | Captains | Cavemen | Chavs | Children | Christians | Communists | Dolphins | Douches | Dummies | Emos | Extremely Ugly People | Fascists | Fat People | Feminists | Filipinos | Flying Gypsies | French | Frisians | Furries | Gays | Geeks | Germans | Gnomes | Heroes | High School Girls | Hindus | Hippies | Hispanics | Idiots | Indians | Irish | Italians | Japanese | Jehovah's Witnesses | Jews | Lesbians | Lesbos | Men | Mermaids | Metalheads | Mexicans | Minsterians | Monks | Mormons | Muslims | Native Americans | Nazis | Nerds | Niggers | Ninjas | Nuns | Pirates | Ninja Pirates | Old people | Pikeys | Poets | Poles | Politicians | Preps | Psychics | Punks | Retards | Redheads | Rednecks | Russians | Scientologists | Southern People | Teenagers | Thieves | Trolls | Toddlers | Tourettes People | Trekkies | Turks | Vegetarians | White People | Wiggers | Wookiees | Women | Yuppies

This article uses material from the "Poet" article on the Uncyclopedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.







Got something to say? Make a comment.
Your name
Your email address
Message