~ 8foot tall black guy with 300 muscle mass on above comment
Prison is the world's most popular homosexual club and a legalized kidnapping system. Prisons have served different purposes in the cultures that created them. Among the feudal Japanese, prison was merely a place you went to await execution; but in modern society, prison is often used as a sort of forced, taxpayer-sup ported Club Med for citizens found guilty of crimes. In America, prison is a place where African Americans and rednecks are held. There are no Jews in prison.
Jails (i.e., where, for a less serious crime, one can be incarcerated for a shorter time than in a prison) are ideal if one isn't sure and wishes to try out the prison experience on a trial basis, without the long-term commitment.
earning money to pay their children's way through college
getting really cool tattoos (even if they don't want them)
learning how to tattoo
doing Doctoral research, or gathering material for their own screenplay or reality show
Getting drunk off the hand soap in the bathroom.
Wearing sack cloth
Wishing bad things to the world
Paranoia from worring about dropping the soap
Dropping the soap - "Ooh boys, it's butter-fingers again"
Wishing you hadn't just dropped the soap
Picking up the soap
Learning not to pick up the soap - sometimes it's better to stay dirty
Investing in shower gel
Have we mentioned ass-rape?
Rape in the nose by a trasvestite ass pirate
Breaking out (don't forget to permanently tatoo your plan onto your skin so you don't forget it).
Dropping the soap
Getting butt-raped by Dipsy, of the Teletubbies, who is there serving time for butt-raping a guy in the bathroom at a Taco Bell.
Bubba (yes that is an activity, if you know what i mean)
Guards and prisoners often become very well acquainted with each other, because guards are required to frequently make sure that the little prisoners don't smuggle in gold from Fort Knox or their Aunt Mildred's sweater. As seen in this video, sometimes prisoners and guards form friendships based on these moments:
Gifts For Prison Inmates
Everybody likes to get mail, and this is epecially true for prisoners, who have in many cases been separated from their families and social circles.
Prisoners particularly appreciate gifts of items that may be unavailable or expensive at the prison shopping centre. Although tools such as files, small shovels, knives, and firearms are most treasured, they are strongly discouraged by authorities and are best smuggled into the prison inside baked goods.
However, there are still many convenient and useful items which may be sent by post to prisoners:
Soap on a Rope
Cigarettes (even non-smokers may use them to purchase other items, or protection)
Pornographic magazines or National Geographic
Condoms (The kind that are good for gay anal sex)
Calendar and Pencil
Baked Goods (for real)
A Chastity Belt
Pictures of wife (accepted as prison currency)
Death threats from Dipsy (See Above).
Real life in the Prison
If your not want that your family visit you in prison your can always send a picture postcard to your darling or family. This a real prison where criminal men's life in cruel condition. This is most cruelty Prison in whole world where human life as real prisoner. In this Prisor it there everday dark, cold and imprison get heavy punishment of wardress. This prison is Genuineness Victim Proof = WGA. Your can never escape for death when two wardress whipping you at end of your life! Why is this prison so cruel , that what you have done can never forgive. If you be a murderer it your be brought to justice and be there on right place! So relaxed have have fun in this real Prison!
Welcome underground prison
Boost Moral In Prison
give yourself a BJ
find plastic spoon
Pass the soap
Government revenues are sadly not infinite, so there are unfortunately a variety of ways the magical time that is prison can come to an end: parole, escape, and serving time.
Sometimes a parole board will agree that a prisoner has partaken sufficiently of the joys of incarceration and will attempt to return that prisoner to society before the completion of his sentence. Only the most stupid prisoners are ever paroled since it can easily be avoided.
Here are a few suggestions to avoid being paroled:
tell the parole board that while you have been cured of your previous prediliction for armed robbery, you now have an overwhelming desire to barbeque children
eat any paper you can get your hands on, loudly and ravenously, repeat "Oh, lord, that hurts so good!" between sheets
refer to the members of the board as "cutie", "sweetiepie", "honeybuns", and other terms of endearment
ask them if this means you can remove your handcuffs because you have a strong need to strangle the next person who addresses you by your given name; best employed near the end of the review after you have repeatedly been called by your given name
avoid saying "I'm sorry" at any time during the hearing (even if you step on someone's foot) as this may be interpreted as a sign of remorse resulting in parole being granted
Escape is the unfortunate predicament of a prisoner who accidentally wanders away from the correctional facility and cannot find his way back. The good news is that if our directionally challenged friend can find a suitable authority to turn himself in to, he'll have lengthened his original sentence!
Fire doors and designated exits are often left unguarded and unlocked because most escapees will insist on air vents and digging tunnels.
All good things must come to an end. When your sentence expires, you are forced to leave prison, like a child forcibly expelled from his mother's womb. This is followed by a natural desire to return, and happily it is simple enough to return to prison.
While any serious crime will do, here are some creative suggestions to get you back to prison (important note: Make sure to let authorities know where you are at to get arrested faster):
rob your local liquour store at gunpoint, omit to wear a mask, and make sure to get close to the security camera; say something funny like, "Look, Ma, I'm robbing a liquour store!"
rob banks: if you rob a bank they call it a crime, if the bank robs you they call it a service charge
build a bomb and then e-mail your city government for suggestions on where it might best be planted for maximum effect
sodomize the mayor's prized pet, videotape your crime, mail it to the chief of police along with a request for donations and your name and mailing address
write The Punisher starring Thomas Jane, get it filmed, and distribute it all over the world
Masturbate in public, or in some person's house
Post a stool sample, as part of a legitimate national colorectal cancer screening programme, but get the numbers the wrong way around on the address. Damn...
Sleep in a South Dakota cheese factory
Proof that Prison Sucks
There are many things that make serving time inconvenient: The steel bars, the mean guards, the anal rape, but here is one thing that proves that prison time is no fun:
Proof that crime does NOT pay!
How to become a Correctunull... corettinal... Correctional Officer
Evolving from the "PRrrrIssZZZON GARRRRD" in 2000 they are the most sacred of all "Good O' Boys" and are located just above "Bobbies" and "Hootn'Hallars" on the Chuck Norris scale of badassness. To ascend to one of these supreme beings requires some sort of mid-life crisis or G.E.D. (Good Enough Degree) just to possibly imagine wile conceiving the thought of being a Correctional Officeseer.
One or whore of the following traits will help out significantly throughout your career
* Sleeping while on the job
* Pressing the shiny red "Unlock All" button
* Firing rounds after rounds tear gas at slightest feeling of discomfort
* Taking bribes
* Bringing in anything listed as "contraband"
Wikipedia's Article on Prison BUT IN VERY VERY MLA FORMAT!