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Rammstein
Members of Rammstein as seen here just before their performance in Venice.
Origins Berlin
Years Active 1900-present
Genre(s) Lullabies
Labels All Americans think Germans are Fascists Inc.
Members Till Lindemann
Richard Z. Kruspe
Paul H. Landers
Oliver "Ollie" Riedel
Christoph "Doom" Schneider
Christian "Flake" Lorenz
“A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal, like Rammstein those fuckers will rape you then burn you.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Rammstein
“Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth. Give him a flamethrower mask and sugar, you got yourself a rock concert.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Flamethrower mask and sugar
“I'll Bück your Dich.”
~ Till Lindemann on You
“Ve rock out vith our cock out.”
~ Till Lindemann on Rammstein
“My favorite performance is Bück Dich, it's not everyday that a man gets anally raped.”
~ Richard Z. Kruspe on the performance of Bück Dich
“Till Lindemann is the new face of Rape.”
~ A feminist on Till Lindemann
“Are those Weapons of Masses Destructions?”
~ George W Bush on the use of flamethrowers in a Rammstein concert
“They are very committed to the cause of global warming.”
~ Al Gore on Rammstein
“They haz cheezburger.”
~ Callum Ellis Jarvis-Jones on Rammstein
“They are not Nazis but I love them like my sons.”
~ Adolf Hitler on Rammstein

Rammstein, not to be confused with Rammstink, the putrid odor emitted by male mountain goats, is a nu-metal band formed in the year 1994 in Germany. Rammstein was created when German gods Laibach spewed forth six beautiful billy goats from their nipples. These goats later shaved and became the metal band Rammstein. They are well known for being the fire monkey carts , absolutley attacking the retards who are forming garrisons on the moon. Their musical style is known as Tanz-Metal ("Dance Metal"). However, to make up for this, they use plenty of not enough flame-throwers in their live shows, music videos, yoga classes, etc. They are best known for their style, which involves a lot of cool sex scenes, flame-throwers, the use of Arabian textiles, raunchy performances that involve bestiality, BDSM, exhibitionism, lots of rolled M's (although no one in the known universe knows how, but singer Till Lindemann can roll the M's) and, well, flame-throwers. They are a particularly fantastic band, especially because they sing mostly in German, and nobody can understand what the hell they're talking about. They tell the press that they mean no harm in their lyrics and on-stage love-making (it's just for fun says former publicist Adolf Hitler).

Rammstein also has a asteroid (minor planet) named in their honour, 110393 Rammstein. This planetoid orbits the star of Hizzledorf, discovered by scientific expert Jerry Faldwell in 1928.

Contents

Controversy

A snapshot from the controversial music video for Die Schlange ("The Snake"), one of the few unreleased Rammstein songs.

Of course, we can't talk about a band like Rammstein without going right into the controversy that they've got, can we?

sure they are different but they are like gods!!!!!

Alleged connection with Goatse

Rumour has it that the Rammstein had a secret affiliation with the Goatse, because in their track Ich will there is a line saying, Ich will, dass Ihr mich gut seht which means "I want you to see me well". But the phrase "gut seht" aroused much controversy as it served as a homophone of "Goatse" and the meaning of the line was altered to, "I want you to goatse me". None of the band members have cleared up the speculation yet.

Concerts

Rammstein is also known for its supremely droll concerts. They make great (but still not enough) use of pyrotechnics in their live performances since none of their audience can understand GermanThe band practiced setting their audience on fire and sometimes the entire venue but have stopped this practice after becoming famous. They have mastered the amazing superpower to shoot fire from practically every place on their body, including their eyes. So much fire that the band travels with an entire oil tanker and has every fire station in the world on speed dial. In fact, there have been little to no concerts in which they haven't used fire. The only concert in which they had a performance not involving fire was in Fellatio, Massachusetts, in which their performance of Bück' Dich ("Bend down" or "Bend over", literally "Bend thyself") was to feature Till Lindeman simulating anal sex with "Flake" Lorenz in bondage gear, using a dildo hooked up to a hose spurting custard and sometimes French liquor.

Albums and Songs

Albums

New Album Tracklist:

Hi i am someone who has leaked the new album!!!!, this is the new tracklist for the album:

  • 1. Fick Mich Sagt
  • 2. Die Sonne Shite
  • 3. Ein Sehr Lange Lange Lange Lange Lange Lange song.
  • 4. Bist du Mein Teil?
  • 5. Ich Liebe Mein Teil
  • 6. Ich Spiel Mit Mein Teil
  • 7. Ich Esse Mein Teil
  • 8. Die Politzei Arrest Mich Fur Being Einen Armin Miewes Cannibal
  • 9. Was
  • 10. Wo
  • 11. Die Whole Vorld Are Bastards, Especially Ze English und American Retards, Amerika is nicht wunderbar! Such meinen coch.
  • Herzeleid (1995) (Heartache) — An ode to the golden class bunking days of the band. Just a note saying 'Herzeleid' used to do the trick.
  • Sehnsucht (1997) (Longing) — Named for Flake's longing to finally get enough money to pay for his surgery, so he can finally feel like a real woman.
  • Live Aus Berlin (1998) ('Live at Berlin') - Rammstein's first live album, recorded at Parkbuhne Wulheide in Berlin, Germany, in the dark times where Richard spilled his silver nail varnish on all of the band members. It includes many differently-angled shots of Doom's ass.
  • Mutter (2001) (Mother) — Named for an incident when Doom's mother walked in on him jerking off to bestiality. Awkward.
  • Reise, Reise (2004) (Travel, Travel) — Throughout the years and much abuse of Till's penis, due to wild sex parties with groupies from all over the world, Till's penis had given up on life and could no longer go on. His lack of erections left him depressed and so for this album was dedicated to Lindermann's penis. His road to recovery will be a long one. Just like his unforgettable legendary "Bück' Dich" performance mammoth size penis. OHHH. The first track, Reise Reise, is a little ode Till wrote in hopes of re-awakening his little friend downstairs.
  • Rosenrot (2005) (Rose-red) — named after the medical disorder when the colon is pulled out of the anal cavity with a large object such as a large penis belonging to another band member.
  • Völkerball (2006) (Peoples' ball) — Rammstein's second live album, recorded at Les Arenes de Nimes, France. Not since World War II has anyone pwned the 150,000 French people like Rammstein did at this show.

Songs

Schnappi, das kleine Krokodil ("Schnappi, the little crocodile") — Rammstein's first mega-hit.

Wollt Ihr das Bett in Flammen sehen? ("Do you want to see the bed in flames?") — It talks about Till's kinky fire fetish in which he tries to convince his lover that wearing a flame-thrower on his face during cunalingus would make her orgasm hotter. They came out with a sequel Ihr brennt Busch ("You're burning bush") but just before its release they changed the name to Asche zu Asche ("Ashes to ashes") instead.

Rammstein 'Ramstein [the US airforce base]' — Is thought to have been named after a flight show disaster that took place at the Ramstein military base but not so. It was actually named after the entire band went on a 3 day kitten huffing binge and reportedly gang-banged a woman until she fell into a temporary coma after simultaneously copulating with her. Several of her organs collapsed and her heart exploded after one fatal thrust later dubbed the Rammstein. Disgusting!

Du riechst so gut ("You smell so good") — Is about the band discovering a brand of aftershave that smells like burning oil, bumsex and burning rectal hairs, then applying it liberally to their groupies to make them seem attractive. Till Lindemann once picked up a chick while humming this track, 4 years later he picked up a woman.

Der Meister ("The Master") — Till's autobiography, stating his wild fascination for blood, fire, unlubed bumsex, bloody fiery unlubed bumsex and world domination.

Seeman ("Seaman") — A monologue detailing exactly what's left in Flake's rectum during Bück' Dich. Poor bastard never saw it cummin'... LOL, semen.

Sonne ("Sun") — Describes what Till Lindemann thought was happening around him after staring into the sun for too long during an eclipse. Had a really fucked up video showing a half-man, half-Disney character spanking a dwarf (representing Polish workers being exploited in Ireland by working 2 Euro an hour...I think)

Links 2-3-4 ("Left 2-3-4") — You hear that bassline? That's the speed Till thrusts at when he grabs Flake for naughty-time after the concerts.

Spring' ("Jump") — A song telling EMO pussies who can't bring themselves to "take the plunge" that nobody hates anything more than a suicidal EMO, except for an EMO who is too pussy to actually commit suicide.

Feuer frei! ("Open fire!" or "Fire at will!", literally "Fire freely!") — Is all about what Rammstein like most (except wild orgies with groupies), fire. It's about fire, burning things, and people being burned alive, only to become more dangerous and burny. Rammsteing were banned from performing the 'special' video for this, which combines their usual flame antics times three, plus the Bück' Dich sodomy act. The result would have been Flake being penetrated with a lit firework and thrown into the crowd in a dinghy, but those kitten huffing bastards who organise stuff said "Nein, weil wir wollen mit Flake nächstes Wochenende Bumsex machen".

Mein Herz brennt ("My heart burns") — The band was experiencing terrible heartburn during that time (among other things) after visiting Mexico and indulging in their nationally famous dish diaburrhito explosion.

Rein, Raus ("In, Out") — Talks about Till's most memorable experience with several groupies.

Zwitter ("Hermaphrodite") - Flake writes a song about...himself.

Moskau ("Moscow") — Not the same as Dschinghis Khan's song, this is a copyright infringement on that song. It doesn't even have anything to do with Moscow. Features Joseph Stalin on backing vocals, naturally. (Who else can muster such a feminine Russian accent? Russian women are all basses, as is common knowledge).

Rosenrot ("Rose-red") - A song about Till and Flake's Favorite color in fire.

Amerika ("America") — Written shortly after several members of the band emigrated to New Mexico in order to help produce the next moon landing[1]. The song was written to announce the move to their fans, and make it clear that everything was going well ("We're all living in America / America / Ist wunderbar!").

Adios ("Goodbye") — Following Rein, Raus it discusses Till's feelings when the end result of those encounters came back to haunt him in the form of court ordered child support.

Mein Teil ("My part") — This is actually a song about one of Till's favorite recipes: I Can't Believe It's Not Soylent Green. If you like foreign food, especially German sausage, you gotta try this!

Bück' Dich ("Bend down" or "Bend over", literally "Bend thyself")- Because Nostradamus wasn't fucking around, somebody had to forewarn the world about the gay relationship between George W. Bush and Dick Cheney. Since German language was difficult to understand for the fans Till sodomised his keyboarder Flake with his additional penis. Performing this song before a live audience is a tedious job as Till has to keep a hard on for the entire song and keep on squirting for about 3 minutes. The Almighty Till Lindemann prepares himself by watching BDSM porn and abstaining from the art of masturbating.

Bestrafe mich ("Punish me")- Once Till Lindemann forgot to do the dishes and take out the garbage. He admitted his guilt for being the man that he is, and later got bondage sex. He secretly tells you to try that and let him know the results by sending him a private message through facebook.

Spiel' mit mir ("Play with me") — This is about the time Till Lindemann's son got a blow job from Khira Li Lindemann. But it was later clarified that Khira Li Lindemann is band mate Richard Kruspe's daughter. Richard Kruspe married Till's wife and the latter didn't even bother to change her last name. However the song stayed and the album went on selling platinum. Those Germans!

Stirb nicht vor mir ("Don't die before I do") — Describes Till's problems with premature ejaculation. The statement "Don't die before I do" is actually a metaphor for climaxing during sex; it relates to the fact that orgasm is French for "Little Death". Also, in Elizabethan England, "to die" meant "to have an orgasm".

Stein um Stein ("Stone by stone") — This song was written by Till after a particularly long visit to a restroom. Reportedly, he spent one hour sitting in a stall in Berlin after eating (and drinking) 7x the daily supplement of fiber.

Wilder Wein ("Wild wine") — This song is about an incident in which the band got a 21-year old Austrian girl drunk on cheap wine and gang-banged her to death.

Stripped — What Till became by the Border Guards in France when he unsuccessfully tried to smuggle out three bottles of Beer and a Playboy Magazine into Germany.

Ich will ("I want") — Till's song explaining that he "wants anal sex, and fire, then BDSM with a donkey".

Du hast [mich gefragt] ("You have [asked me]") — Is the main part of the song that later explains that Till was asked for oral sex from a deceased spirit, but refused on account of his inflamed tongue at the time.

Mutter ("Mother") — Till wrote this song after his first sexual encounter with a family member of his dearest friend, The Guitar Ninja (Richard Z. Kruspe-Bernstein).

Keine Lust ("No desire" or "Don't feel like it") — What Till had after his encounter with Mutter.

Ohne Dich ("Without you") — Till regrets, after he left Mutter.

Das alte Leid ("The old sorrow" or "The old pain") — Till's haunting dream, about his first sexual encounter with the family member of Richard Z. Kruspe Bernstein.

Weißes Fleisch ("White flesh") — This happened to Flake when Till ejaculated over him during Bück' Dich, and has surprisingly nothing to do with racism.

Mann gegen Mann ("Man against man") — Till's reminiscence of his first frot. No further description needed.

Te quiero puta! ("I want you, whore!") — Has something to do with the dead girl from Du hast (see a few songs above).

Dalai Lama — Another victim of Till's sexual encounters...

Asche zu Asche ("Ashes to ashes") — Till wrote this the day he woke up naked in Chernobyl after he and his friends got drunk and demolished the Berlin Wall.

Laichzeit ("Spawning-time") — In the lyrics the "Fisch" indiscriminately ejaculates on the roe of its mother and sisters during spawning season ("Laichzeit / überall Fischmilch" translates as "Spawning-time / fish-milk all over"). [2]

Unreleased songs

  • Benzin ("Petrol") — A very beautiful song with hardcore rhythm about war in Iraq. Which was that the US solders weren't burning enough four year old girls wile raping there mothers in front of them. A controversial video of this song show us a WTC Terrorist Attack behind the scenes.
  • Ankara ("Fountain") — A controversial song about French people's obsession with tall steel towers. Note that the word Fontaine means tower in French, whereas the German equivalent Fontäne has strong sexual references. This was later released on Rosenrot as Zerstören, wherein Till sings about what he did to his hotel room shortly before the album was recorded instead.
  • Schwarzes Glas ("Black glass") — Describing what Richard said when he saw the ugliest sight in the world: stained glass painted black.
  • Feuerräder ("Fire-wheels") — Describing, in lurid detail, Oliver Riedel's secret S&M fantasies. Ewww.
  • Die Schlange ("The Snake") — A song about Till Lindemann's near-fatal encounter with a boa constrictor during an American tour.
  • Idioten ("Idiots") — A song about a bunch of fanboys that tried to hound Rammstein with requests for autographs in Germany.
  • Wo bist Du? ("Where are you?") — Based on an incident where Paul H. Landers got so drunk that he tried to find Santa Claus in the hotel the band was staying in during a tour in France. Later released on Rosenrot with entirely different lyrics, this time relating to Till trying to find a leprechaun in Ireland.
  • Die Kosten der Liebe ("The cost of love") — About how much it cost for Christoph "Doom" Schneider to buy a bottle of Irn-Bru in Germany.
  • Halleluja ("Hallelujah") — Talks about the band's vocalist Till Lindemann episode of his earlier life, when a priest touched him "there". This thought has been tried to be changed by the band many times, saying the song is their anthem to Michael Jackson. The meaning of the title: "Hallelujah, that priest didn't touched us, only Till". Till has since been an Atheist.
  • Oh, mein Arsch blutet stark ("Yes, I love you too") - A tribute to the band's only inspiration: Malmmstein.
  • Kokain ("Cocaine") - A vivid account of Tills nights spent alone in his hotel rooms. Somehow he believes cocaine to be a little white fairy that visits him. This is due to the large amounts of caffeine ingested during concerts by their face masks.
  • Fick' Dich ("Fuck you" or "Fuck yourself") - A song about when Till Lindemann was cut off while driving in rush hour traffic.
  • Nippel und Samen ("Nipples and semen") - The name speaks for itself.
  • Keine Milch?! ("No milk?!") - A song about Flake looking in the refigerator and being so horrified that he rolls on the ground like he did in the Mein Teil video.
  • Verdammt, ich bin durstig ("Damn, I am thirsty") - A song written by the band shortly after Flake looked in the fridge and Till came in saying his car broke down. No groceries for you, Rammstein.
  • Arschschmerz ("Arse-pain") - A song describing Paul's encounter with a woman wielding a strap-on dildo. Lyrics by Paul, sung by Till and Michael Jackson.
  • Coq Fromage ("Cheese cock") - A song (in French) describing what the band ate during their Tour of France.
  • Dickes Kind ("Fat child") - A song about Christoph's childhood.
  • Vater, Mutter, Kind ("Father, mother, child") - An early demo of Spiel' mit mir. Vater, Mutter, Kind is a children's game, like playing house. Christoph always played this when he was young, always wanting to be the Mutter... That's why he dresses up as a woman in Mein Teil.
  • Kann ich ficken, deine Kinder? ("Can I fuck your children?")- A ballad about Chrisoph's first sexual experience.
  • Ich will saugen, dein Schnitzel ("I will suck your Wiener") - A song dedicated to Rammstein's pre-pubecent male fans.
  • Hat Milch erhalten? ("(He) got milk?") - This is a short lyrical tie-in between Keine Milch?! and Bück' Dich. It describes an amusing question Ollie asked Till after he came back from 'seeing' to Flake.
  • Mein Schale ("My cup") - A song about the perverse love story of "2 Girls 1 Cup". After Till saw it, Denn Du bist, was Du isst ("For you are, what you eat") took on a whole new meaning for him.

Rammstein Worship

In 2009 Rammstein will conquer the world and YOU will worship them!

The Ten Commandments of Rammstein


Thou shalt follow these commandments, given to us by our Lords, our Saviours, ours of the holy righteous name Rammstein. We shalt not forget these commandments and follow them in our daily lives, to enrich and instruct others and ourselves, and remember to keep them holy.

1. Rammstein are six, and they are one. They alone shall we love and cherish. There are no other gods before Rammstein. Or after Rammstein. Or in the middle when you want a snack. Just them

2. Thou shalt not take Rammstein's names in vain - except when we do not get to listen to Rammstein, or view them in concert - both truly sad and horrible.

3. Remember Till's, Richard's, Paul's, Oliver's, Christoph's and Flake's birthdays, and keep them holy. And if Thou canst not get the days off, then tell them it is a holiday in thy religion. For Rammstein are the way, the truth and the light. And Holy Rammstein, they're awesome.

4.Honour thy Rammstein and convert the heathens. By Masturbating. A lot.

5. Thou shalt not kill the heathens. Just because they do not listen to Rammstein, it does not mean all of their music is crappy. And if thou feel'st the urge to punish a heathen, review commandment number four. In their face.

6.Thou shalt understand that while they are irresistible, sexy, hot, righteous, and holy, and perfect in every way, shape and form, that Rammstein are, too, in some ways, people. Thou shalt not harm thyself while going through massive orgasmic states in their holy name. While they are Gods, they are to be treated as equals and not sex objects.

7. Thou shalt not steal someone else's Rammstein goods. Go out and buy thy own, thou cheap bastard. Thou shalt support Rammstein and their holy name. Though only online.

8. Thou shalt not blame others for not understanding the path of Rammstein. They just do not understand that Rammstein are the way, the truth, and the light, and will bring forth ultimate happiness and epic bass. They condemn themselves through their ignorance, and thou shalt do all thou can to enlighten them. They need to be shown the Way. Review commandment number four.

9. Thou shalt not say that thou "own" Rammstein. For Rammstein are holy, righteous, HOT, SEXY, ORGASMIC, DROOL INDUCING PEICES OF HOLY HOT ASS... And many a Rammstein follower will want their sex. Remember that Rammstein love and cherish us - ALL of us. But mostly me.

10. Thou shalt listen to Rammstein at least three hours a day, and enrich thyself with holy righteousness. Thou shalt head-bang, Thou shalt bounce around, Thou shalt jiggle, Thou shalt make thyself look like an idiot while dancing to their music in their glorious name. We shall let others know that we love and cherish Rammstein and shall blast them from our open windows and giant headphones. We will spread the love that Rammstein gives to us and pray in their name, so that they may save and rescue us from all the other evil things in the world. Like gay pop songs.

So are the Commandments of Rammstein.

Trivia

  • The band was originally planning on using the name "Lamb-Stein", in reference to an incident in which Till bought a kitschy novelty mug shaped like a joint of mutton at an East German flea market. However, the name was already a registered trademark of the Walt Disney Corporation.
  • Dschinghis Khan heard that Rammstein also made a Moskau song and issued a bounty on their heads.
    • Consequently, the band was captured by Boba Fett, and taken to Jabba's Palace, where Dschinghis Khan was staying, after his woman kicked him out. Soon thereafter, Flake came dressed as Luke Skywalker and saved their asses, then Till had his way with Flake for six horrible hours filled will unearthly shrieking noises.
  • The band are widely credited with creating the phenomenon of playing the start of Feuer frei! at someone at full volume (inducing a state of deafness through sudden, violent Teutonic noise), but it is also possible that this arose separately, perhaps helped by various Nazis and/or earphone manufacturers.
  • Their most famous concert was performed in Parkbühne Wuhlheide, Berlin, 1998. However, this is, despite popular belief, not their largest concert to date. They played in Berlin a year earlier in front of two million people, however, there was an unfortunate accident during the "Bück' Dich" sodomy act. There were no survivors. There is currently a case making its way through the lower Federal Courts from "Doom's" old mates in the NDP charging Rammstein with responsibility for the collapse in Germany's population and thus treachery to the Fatherland.
  • The poem on Rosenrot, Tod nach Noten, has a verse like this: Milch in beiden Ohren. This describes what Flake has gone through during "Bück' Dich".
  • Richard Kruspe, lead guitarist, confessed that he has a fetish for fluffy bunnies and loves them very much. Hence the disappearance of Paul's fluffy hat.
  • There have been recent rumors that an ancestor of Rammstein's drummer was killed at Auschwitz concentration camp. The truth is, he wasn't Jewish- he fell out of the guard tower.....
  • Till Lindemann loves to scream 'SUIT OF FIRE!' at young children, just to ensure they are still alive.
  • One time ... Till Lindemann killed a guy.
  • Till Lindemann's flame throwers in his performances are not actually machines, they are hereditary extensions in his arms.

Rammstein Motivational Posters

Enlightening the Americans

He still did, look at him, burning

Who cares about global warning anyway?

Consequences of shock rock

RammsteinTheEarlyDays.jpg"

Links 2 3 4


This article uses material from the "Rammstein" article on the Uncyclopedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.

Wackypedia

Up to date as of February 07, 2010

From Wackypedia

Rammstein is not a German music group that has fire and loud noises. Ha ha.

What Rammstein is is a small bit of noodles found inside your chin after Hitler breaks through with his special homing device. It's because he's gay.

GAY?

Gay.

d00d ur such a n00b

Hiter was a n00b too. This means that you kill people.


This article uses material from the "Rammstein" article on the Wackypedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.







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