“Hey, That bitch stole my name!”
“She's just mad 'cause Goth music sucks.”
“In Soviet Russia, ravens are fucking birds!”
“Can we go now?”
“Oh shit! I've been jacking off to a girl!”
“She looks like Micheal Jackson's love child”
Raven, (circa the Alpha -- the Omega) is known to her Emo disciples and beta male concubines as The Supreme One. She is the uber-goth girl who lets The Teen Titans hang out with her. She is so uber-goth that she is famous for roaming malls and locking up cookie-cutter unter-goths within the nearest Hot Topic before setting it ablaze. She is also feared because of her obsession with hunting down and decapitating “BB x RaeRae” fan fiction writers with their own keyboards. She had a falling out with her demon father, Trigun, also known as Vash the Stampede, many years ago. Rumor has it that they had a falling out because he suffers from penis envy whenever he is around her. She doesn't actually have a penis to make him envious, but she is epic enough to do whatever she puts her mind to. She has been accused of being a witch several times by the Puritans. They were able to defeat her with the combined force of all the magic (what hypocrites) belt buckles on their hats, forcing her to appear on a crappy cartoon, and rid her of all emotion except anger, which she takes out on all of her team mates (why is she a teen titan again?).
She enjoys killing people while doing a strip tease for them(especially to gay people!), raising Blackbirds, and drinking the blood. Some say she is a Vampire and her great uncle is Dracula--or just mad. The list of people she's killed (either for no reason, or she was hungry, or because she hates them/thinks they're gay, or because she was on her period (see picture) and they got in her way) is believed to include: Beast Boy (though brought back to life to have literral doggy sex), <insert your name here>, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Tucker Foley, Bush, Me, That's So Raven, and many emo kids.
She was dating Danny Phantom until his penis demartialized. She was unaware of his "platonic" love affair with Sam Manson because she's too busy sucking people's blood to care. But was cheating on him to becuase she has sex with the people she is about to kill (mostly beast boy), then bring them back to life to do it again.
Her main power is using her intense psychic energy to turn things monochromatic.
She has gained the ability to fly after stomping Gravity in the nuts until it agreed to do her bidding.
Raven gained the ability to phase through floors and walls, as well as teleport, after she kidnapped the daughter of the Spacetime Continuum. He at first refused her demands, but caved in when he started to receive his daughter's fingers and ears in the mail.
She is known to use her astral projection technique to steal into the dreams of her beta male admirers. She then proceeds to fornicate with them. The semen she collects is used in an ointment that keeps her skin unnaturally pasty. When she is not careful, the ointment runs into her eyes, which is why they sometimes turn bright red.
She usually wears a black one piece swimsuit with long sleeves. Over this she wears a cloak with a hood. She fastens her cloak with a black and red jeweled brooch which Lion-O of the Thundercats gave to her in gratitude for eradicating all life within the Valley of the Snarfs. She likes the colors black and blue (so people feel sorry for her, duh). The only other colors she actually wears are white and pink.
Raven dyes her hair. She colored her hair violet by mistake when she misread the color on the box of her hair dye as "violent."
She also has a lower voice than Ray Romano's brother. Her trademark raspy voice is caused by years of chain smoking and uncontrollable vodka abuse. Even though her highly distinctive husky voice makes her self-conscious, on the whole she likes her voice because without it she wouldn't be the most popular singer during Motorhead karaoke nights at the local bar.
(And just because this is the most extensive section of the article doesn't mean the writer of this article has mommy issues; it just means he has an active imagination.)
Different incarnations of Raven live within her subconscious and each has its own domain. Sometimes they all get together to play Rock Band, set up games of dodgeball using Beast Boy's severed testicles as the balls, or put on productions of Pirandello's Six Characters in Search of an Author. But most of their time is taken up by tending to the meth lab they have set up within White Cloaked Raven's domain.
These aspects of Raven's personality include:
Did you know that . . .
Long ago, Raven confronted the Grim Reaper and demanded that he allow her to live forever. The Grim Reaper arranged a number of challenges to test her candidacy for immortality. First, she defeated him in a game of chess. Then, she almost lost to the Reaper in a game of Duel Monsters but with the help of her Millenium Puzzle and her faith in the Heart of the Cards she was able to summon Exodia, the Forbidden One, for the win. In her final challenge, she debated the Reaper on an Internet message board, and eventually she won the argument. But as everyone knows, to win a debate on an Internet message board is to be considered a real loser, so in actuality Raven lost this challenge. Even so, before she departed from the Reaper, Raven hacked into the Reaper's TomTom and set the language option to Russian. Now, whenever the Reaper tries to type in an address to get driving directions, the TomTom will only respond with nonsensical Russian Reversals like, "In Soviet Russia, the coordinates input you!" For now, Raven is safe from the Reaper.
There has been a prophecy that the Reaper will finally catch up to Raven. It has been foretold that one day, her three neglected bastards, Melvin, Timmy and Teether, along with assistance from the sorcerers at Child Services, will harrow the depths of Hell, find the Grim Reaper, and set him up with an OnStar. Raven is skeptical as to the veracity of this prophecy since she does not even know what happened to her kids after she convinced Starfire that it was an Earth custom to let illegal aliens take care of the children that parents would rather ignore. Raven has a hunch they are dead because Starfire mentioned something about the glorious Tamaranean feast of Glorpnor, roughly translated as "The Cannibalistic Consumption of Your Children Day." Besides, when was the last time one of these prophecy things came true for Raven?
|Superheroes and heroines||Bat-Hound - Superman - Green Lantern - The Flash - Aquaman - Batman & Robin - Batman (Eric Matthews) - Wonder Woman - Supergirl - Batgirl - Wonder Girl - Superboy - Nightwing - Raven - The Shrubbery - The Beefeater - Lobo - Lobo the Duck - Lois Lane - Jimmy Olsen - Rorschach|
|Supervillains||Lex Luthor- Poison Ivy- Two-Face - Fred Phelps - Darkseid - Black Adam - The Penguin - Weather Channel Wizard - The Riddler -The Scarecrow- Black Manta- The Joker - Batman's Rogue's Gallery|
|Justice League of America||Max Lord - Martian Manhunter - Booster Gold - Blackman - Captain Ultra - Huntress Thompson - Iro Man|
|Other teams||American Justice Coalition - The Batmen of All Nations -Guild of Calamitous Intent - Justice League - Justice League Europe - Justice League of Jesus - Ronald Reagan's Justice League of America - League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen - The Watchmen - Jason and the Argonauts|
|Superheroes and heroines||Golden Age Superman - Human Lantern - The Human Croissant - Super Soldier - Iron Lantern - Dark Claw - Sandmaiden|
|Justice Society of America||George Lazenby - Daniel Craig - Aqua Mariner - Jennifer Lopez - Rocky Balboa - Judge Reinhold - Captain Marvel - Captain Planet - Shining Knight|
|The Injustice Society||Dr. Phil - Lex Luthor - Oscar Wilde - Oprah Winfrey - Bizarro - Don Imus|
|Other teams||Founding Fathers - American Justice Coalition - Manhattan Project - New American Justice Coalition - Apollo Project - Secret Wars - Challengers of the Fantastic - Society of Underdeveloped Crime-fighters|