Rob Zombie: Wikis

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Up to date as of February 05, 2010

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“How are you going to survive without Rob? He's like your main dude.”
~ Some Dude on Rob Zombie
“I don't know. I'm like your main dude.”
~ Rob Zombie on Some Dude
“He's not really one of us, you know.”
~ Zombies on Rob Zombie
All he asks for is a little respect.
Rob Zombie was born as Robert Emmet Zombie on ‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮Halloween n‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮ight in the middle of July, to Mom Zombie and Ernest Zombie, the heir of a major earwax-cleaning company. ‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮At the tender age of nine, his millionaire parents took him to see 101 Dalmatians. Up‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮on returning home, Rob's ‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮parents were shot and killed by a mugger who also wanted to see Dalmatians but didn't use Moviefone and couldn't get ‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮tickets.

F‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮orever scarred by th‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮e incident, young‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮ Zombie vowed to rid the world of evildoers. Training rigorously by going to the YMCA once a week, Rob vowed to ‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮be a formidable foe to criminals everywhere. But something wa‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮s missing.

"Crimi‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮nals are a superstitious and cowardly lot", thought Zombie "so my ‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮disguise must be able to strike terror into their hearts. I must be‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮ a creature of the night, smelly, rotting and viridian..." As if r‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮esponding to his desires, a reanimated corpse‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮ crashe‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮d th‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮rou‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮gh the window and attempted to eat his brains. After fending off the creature with a big plastic dildo and‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮ a slingshot, Robert realized his new moniker. "I shall become a Zombie...Rob Zombie." (which coincidentally was already his name).

That very second, the zombi‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮e that tried to eat him lurched up and began to munch on Rob's cerebellum. And from that moment on, Rob Zombie was born.

Note that Rob Zombie is still a virgin and looking for pussy so if you're at one of his concerts, bring protection.

And so Rob Zombie roamed the streets at night, casting fear into the hearts of criminals, indigestion into the stomachs of old men with diapers andthe homeless.

Today, ‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮Rob hosts a children's show on his local public access station. At first, many mothers of the angry letter-writing variety were opposed, but he has since slain and eaten all of them. As a reminder, he keeps their severed ‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮organs in a jar in a corner of the "House of Fickle Fairys" on his show. 64% of children report that this is their favorite ‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮part of the show, says a survey conducted by the Children's Network Association of America. H‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮owever, due to health and safety legal reasons, they have since been removed, as one of the child actors on the show vwas gi‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮ven food poisoning after finding his way into the jar and eating them. ‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮ ‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮Af‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮ter his television show was ruined, he decided to start a band with Glen Danzig but was th‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮rown out five minutes later. This was known as Samhain‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮. ‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮ ‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮H‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮is pioneering theological w‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮ork is all too easily overlooked; Rob Zombie discovered that Jesus lived his life in a cheap h‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮otel at the edge of Route 66, founding a pilgrimage unbeknownst to christianity so far. ‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮ His heroes are Coach Z and The Fonz.


Little do many people know that Rob Zombie actually forayed into "music" and one of the first albums he released was the aboved pictured - it's been reviewed as being "a Thriller!"
  • Off Da Ch‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮ain (1940) *May never have actually existed
  • Vulgar Display of Pedophilla (1948) *The only album people knew about
  • Iraqi ‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮Oil iz 2 Bad (1955) *Was George Washington Carver's favor‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮ite music
  • Filler (1965) *Sold 100 Million Copies on Mars
  • HIStory of Modern Earth (1971 1/2) **First music to be released on High Distortion Laser DVD
  • Dark Side of the Moonwalk (1975)
  • Invisible (1991)
  • Bucket of Shit ‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮- Unplugged (2003) * Performed without his trademark bucket
  • Number 2s (2003) *Has 2,000 of Jackson's best jazz operas
  • Little Minority Yum Yum (2007) *Released on 15 October

See Also

Filmmakers of the World (and America)
Epic Visionaries

Michelangelo Antonioni | Ingmar Bergman | Don Bluth | Peter Bogdanovich | Tim Burton | Charlie Chaplin | Coen Brothers | Clint Eastwood | Federico Fellini | Terry Gilliam | Norman Grossfeld | Alfred Hitchcock | John Hughes | Jim Jarmusch | Charlie Kaufman | Abbas Kiarostami | Stanley Kubrick | Sergio Leone | David Lynch | Martin Scorsese | Steven Spielberg | Quentin Tarantino | Andrei Tarkovsky | Orson Welles | Robert Rodriguez | Zack Snyder

Not-So-Epic Visionaries

Michael Bay | Mel Gibson | Uwe Boll | John Carpenter | Kevin Costner | David Cronenberg | Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer | Peter Jackson | George Lucas | Dolph Lundgren | McG | Guy Ritchie | George Romero | Eli Roth | M. Night Shyamalan | Blitz Smith | Kevin Smith | Alan Smithee | Sylvester Stallone | Ben Stiller | Billy Bob Thornton | John Woo | Ed Wood | Rob Zombie

Highly Respected in France

Woody Allen | Darren Aronofsky | Mel Brooks | Jean-Luc Godard | Fritz Lang | Jerry Lewis | Rob Schneider | François Truffaut

Highly Confusing in Japan

Dario Argento | Akira Kurosawa | Russ Meyer | Hayao Miyazaki | Mr. Takashi of Japan

Highly Disturbing in Mexico

Guillermo del Toro

Highly Racist in Suid-Afrika

Neill Blomkamp

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This article uses material from the "Rob Zombie" article on the Uncyclopedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.

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