TV: Wikis


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Uncyclopedia

Up to date as of February 05, 2010
(Redirected to History of Television article)

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Although renamed Television after the end of Edison's hegemonic domination of all things electrical, the TV originally was the acronym for Tesla Crusher (the V was silent).

Contents

Developmental Phase

Edison, while attempting to construct a 5 inch square light bulb that would fit in a fashionable automobile sized box, instead created a device that would take waves of electromagnetic frequency, or known in the early 20th century as "witchcraft" and turn them into a profile photo of a native American with a early futurist painting by Luigi behind him. It is believed that Rhizopus could also have done whatever Edison did. This strange image, inherent in the properties of EM, fascinated Edison. Due to his vengeful personality and genetically inherited hatred for Croatians, Edison decided to use this box to transmit modified EM waves in order to crush Nikoli Tesla (the most popular Croatian at the time).

The Golden Era

Edison quickly stocked the shelves of stores with his new "TV" and began broadcasting his EM waves around the clock. Ever the tinkerer, Edison was able to change the natural image of EM waves into more diverse pictures. Some of the most popular ones were:

  • Aboriginal Woman in front of a Picasso
  • Viking slightly askew on a Chagall
  • Urinal inside of a Urinal

Viewers were generally not impressed with these images of pointless figures in front of modern art that had not been created yet. The poor range of Edison’s DC transmissions caused the popularity of TVs to plummet. This vacuum in market share allowed Marconi and his Radical Input Output, later shortened to Rad-I/O, to swoop in and destroy Edison’s' anti-Croatiery with one monopolistic swoop.

The Catastrophe

An unexpected consequence of these DC transmissions was the effect that they had on the Earth's harmonic resonance. Tesla, endowed with the endless knowledge of the Croatian People, knew that alternating current (where the wave goes both up and down) keeps the Earth in balance. Edison's Direct Current waves (where the wave goes forever upwards, like a line on a chart representing the number of hot dogs Asian people can eat in one sitting) caused the Earth's resonance to shift in cataclysmic ways.

Unknown to the world these resonances created such human catastrophes as:

  • The Communist Revolution
  • Swing Music
  • The Swing Music Revival

Tesla Saves The Day

Lucky, Tesla knew that the way to put the Earth back into balance was by building a giant tower, and like an oil well, metaphysically pump the resonance out of the Earth. This tower was known as the Tesla C.O.I.L. (Crazy Old Edison (the E is silent) Is Losing). Tesla was able to thwart Edison's negligent, Imperialist, Capitalist destruction of the Earth and build a phallic monument to the perpetual awesomeness of Men at the same time.

The rise of Television

During The Great Depression, Philo Farnsworth, the great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather (that's 16 greats but who's counting?) of noted inventor and nudist Prof. Hubert Farnsworth, discovered a TV in a trash can. After gnawing on it briefly and finding it to be only slightly edible, he took it home. It was used by the family to cook food (due to the massive output of radiaton) and to exert dominion over his neighbors (due to the massive output of radiation). During World War II he sold the TV to the British as part of the lend-lease program (Prof. Farnsworth received a coupon for 10% off at Harrods), and the British rebranded it Television. It was used to direct a concentrated beam of radiation at the Germans. While in the short term the radiation had crippled the German people, in the long term it altered their DNA so that they all became the strapping, blonde, he-men we see in most homoerotica today. Scholars debate over the meaning, some claim it is of Greek origin: Tele meaning, blinding unending pain+ vision meaning literally "Oh, God! my eyes", others agree that it is of Dutch origin, the word being a derevation of Tijlijekvijessijijechken: Creator of well-tanned Herculean sweaty German men.

Television becoming a little bit too realistic for its own good.

The Far Reaching Consequences

The American public has been quick to forget this controversial time in history. We have relegated this event to the back room of the Museum of Rad-I/O and Television, where a short film plays in an exhibit that is always out of order.

The Allied forces however were not so quick to forget the impact that both Edison and Tesla had on the shape of modern warfare. The Soviets, using a total rip-off of the Tesla C.O.I.L. (Capitalism, Our Awesomeness (the A is silent) Is Larger), built them all over military war zones. Only by using a Chronosphere, a Casio calculator watch with some macaroni and gold spray paint on it, were the Allies able to stop the Soviet onslaught.

Tesla Gets An Anal Probe

At the end of this war, which some historians may claim to be an Alert of a Red variety, Edison lost his hearing and was never able to hear how radical the Rad-I/O really was. Space aliens abducted Tesla. To this day, he is a 1,000,000 light years away and ironically, is being probed with a giant Tesla Coil. Some claim that his screams can still be heard across the galaxy in the static on Channel 3.

Kill your Television

AND LIVE GODDAMMIT! There are many weapons that you can use. Here are some:

  • axe
  • brain cells
  • a normal IQ
  • the uncommon ability to resist watching
  • a life
  • Wikipedia
  • the internet (Uncyclopedia visits are proven to destroy TVs 10x faster!)

note: the weapons that do not destroy the TV physically will make the TV wither and die from low ratings.

See also


This article uses material from the "History of Television" article on the Uncyclopedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.

Wackypedia

Up to date as of February 07, 2010
(Redirected to Television article)

From Wackypedia

Yay, Spongebob!

~ André Breton on the subtle brain-washing that television inflicts upon mankind.

I always enjoy couch potatoes with my dinner

~ A Cannibal

Video, a close relative of the famous world leader 'Television' was recently charged with the murder of the Radio Star.

~ IllogiNews on what's hot and what's not.

"AAAH! They're onto you! They're going to section you for "insanity" and trap you in a rectangular box. You'll have to present programs, and the worst thing is - you don't get to choose which one. I heard the person who was forced to play Noo-Noo went mad with power and mindlessly slaughtered the once calm kindred spirits of tubbyland."

TubbyLand Battle Eh? Uhh, More on That!

The result of television

The Battle of Tubbyland started one mild temperatured sunny afternoon, it was dry out but there was still water on the ground, little cloud coverage save for patches of stratus heading in a north-westerly direction. It was expected to rain that afternoon but the weather station's equipment had been damaged in a storm earlier and was therefore currently unreliable; last night it had predicted a wave of precipitate-men across the north east. Whether it was down to faulty equipment or a recent advertising deal struck with the band who performed 'It's Raining Men', they were wrong. The men had rained down across the south west. Skiing conditions were good, snow was collected nicely and the slopes had just been...

Wait, Wut? I asked for action and all you did was yabber on about the weather. Get to the point or I'll get my point into you!

Okay sorry. Geez, I was only trying set the scene... Anyway, deranged from the cramped hoover he was stuck inside[1] and force-fed severely charred tubby-toast, the Noo-Noo finally cracked. In a blind rage he charged around the once eutopic Tubbyland cleaning anyone with his extendible nozzle and a high velocity flame thrower. The tellytubbies, sluggish after the sheer amount of dope that they'd been smoking eventually halted the massacre, having utilised copious amounts of tubby custard and an SAS Attack Copy of the Qu'Ran.

Though, only a few rabbits were injured and a megaphone was dented severely, tell-tale signs of television's imminent collapse were all too visible. The various cartoon characters, save for Ash Ketchum who was turned away, banded together for an emergency meeting. Disguising their meeting on a different channel by distracting the nation with Breaking News about the Queen.[2] While everyone peered into the queen's various stab wounds on BBC1 the band of misfits plotted.

The Meeting in that room, you know, the 'smoke filled one and with the blinds drawn to create an atmosphere' room

The trapped television characters quickly realised they were trapped in limbo forever. They decided the only way to ensure their survival was to create eutopius television programs that would go on all night and remove control from the beer swilling channel bosses. They would transport their friends and key figures into the perfect virtual world before distancing themself from the crumbling society of the real world. The characters began to slowly brainwash the population into setting up more programs and even more surveillance cameras. They did this by putting little Smurfs]] on each show that subtly told the public to do their bidding. To transport the right people in they puppetted people to pioneer HD. This invention slowly sucked people into their world.

The Flaw

Of course they would have succeeded had God not accidentally taped over creation - whoops! That's why we all now live in Albert Square. Listen carefully and you can occasionally hear the trains (despite the irrelevant fact that there is no railway anywhere near there). If you're lucky you get to be angry and potato shaped. That makes you exempt from being killed off.

Did you know...

That exposure to television, no matter for how long, causes win?

References

  1. to hide his nakedness after he lost at strip poker some time earlier
  2. Micky Mouse had previously killed off the monarch as she briefly appeared waving on tv,

This article uses material from the "Television" article on the Wackypedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.







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