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“I had one of those”
~ Jesus on a God Father
“I'm going to make you an offer you can't refuse.”
~ Man on giving jews money
Vito Corleone (Jesus Christ) crushing the head of a poor unsuspecting cat.

The Godfather is a 1972 crime erotic film directed by French Ford Escort-Olla based on the novel with the different name of How to Be A Mafioso Bitch, written by Pope John Paul 1st. The film stars Jesus Christ (Vito Corleone), Saddam Hussein (Michelle Corleone), Robert Koomerleh (Vaseline faced lawyer), Cinderella (Kay Addams) James Bond (Hothead Sunshine Corleone), Roger Rabbit (Freddie the Frog Corleone)and Chuck Norris as himself. The Corleone Family is followed by their descendants the Corpsleone Family.

Contents

Plot

The film starts at the wedding of Don Vito Corleone's daughter Paris Hilton to Carlo Bastardo on Long Island in 1945. Because "no one in the world can refuse a request on his daughter's wedding day", Vito, known to his friends as "Godfather", and Tom Laden (the Flesh Turd Families consigliere) are busy receiving hardcore oral sex from friends and associates. Suddenly while the oral sex was happening, a black dude walked in named Jamal and everyone wondered, "what the fuck is a black dude doing in this italian mafia movie ?" and they soon invited him to join along. But was soon kicked out because his dick was too big to swallow. Also Dracula came in order to convince Don to kill a guy who won Frankenstein's grandma in corpse-winning poker game. Meanwhile, the Don's youngest son Michel, who has returned from 4-year long beach party where he served as high wimpy DJ, tells his bitch Jenna Jameson about his father's orgasmic life, reassuring her that he is exactly like his hot sweaty family.

Among the guests at the celebration is the infamous killer Jack The Ripper, who is also Vito's godson. He is visiting in an attempt to receive help in starring on Stephen Spielberg's new movie but Spielberg will not give Rippy the part. Don Corleone explains to Jack: "I'll make him an offer he should refuse." Hagen is sent to Australia to make the problem worse, but Spielberg angrily tells him that he will never cast Jack The Ripper in the role, because Jack The Ripper seduced and murdered a horse that Spielberg was in love with. The next morning, Spielberg wakes up to find the bloody severed penis of his pure-bred race-producer, George Lucas in bed with him. Spielberg, after realizing that it's only Lucas's penis, gives up and gives Rippy the part of gay male doctor and his offical "butt buddie" becasue he gave sum goood ass fucking.

Upon Laden's return, the family meets with Pokemon card dealer Satoshi "The Jap" Tajiri, who rides a magical flying backpack and is being backed by the rival spoon family. He asks Don Corleone for protection, which Don Corleone replies to by giving Satoshi a condom. Satoshi explains that he meant political protection and money to start the mass distribution of Pokemon cards, but despite the huge amount of sperm to be made, Corleone refuses, explaining that his political friends like Barack Obama and Vladimir Lenin would be highly pissed by a move into the Pokemon trade. The Don's oldest son, hotheaded Sunshine, makes racist comments to Satoshi about Pearl Harbour and the Japanese losing World War II, their "fancy samurai katana shit ain't no match for good ol' American bullets". His father, angry at Sunshine's racism in front of a non-family member, later pistol-whips him and summons Godzilla, because he's actually Chinese not Italian. Don Corleone then dispatches his love-slave Duca Crazy to talk to Satoshi and bring back details about his and Bruno Teddy's sexual life.

Duca goes to the brothel to meet Satoshi and Bruno Teddy. Two lovers sense Duca is enemy and throw their Pokemon assassin Victreebel who then prepares to eat Duca. A man comes from behind, puts Duca's pants down and pushes wooden stick in his ass. Duca dies from heart attack.

Soon after his refusal, Don Corleone is shot 337.10 times when buying condoms in an assassination attempt at the local erotic zone by Satoshi's men, who are diguised as erotic dancers. Meanwhile, Satoshi and the Smurf family kill Don Corleone's bodyguard Fat Bastard, his right-hand man Bitch-Ass Motherfucker, and Duca Crazy. Satoshi then kidnaps and fucks Tom Laden and then persuades him to offer Sunshine the deal previously given to his father. Satoshi says that Sunshine is more likely to accept than was his father, and with Don Corleone out of the way, Sunshine will accept the deal. Enraged, Sunshine refuses, promising a turf war with the Smurfs and Satoshi.

Michelle, who is considered an unwiseguy (not involved in the porno mob business)but rather a secret Thundercat member, visits his father in the psychopatic hospital. He is immediately shocked to find that there is no one pleasuring him orally. Realizing that his father is set up to watch his favorite food, shit in jar of flies, he calls Sunshine and cums himself excitedly. He then goes outside to watch the door. With the help of a baker who conveniently decided to bring Vito some shit instead of nine bullets, he scares away Satoshi’s Pokémon assassin Bulbasaur by summoning legendary and rare Pokemon Mewtwo. Mewtwo easily beaten up Bulbasaur and let the baker capture him. Baker is known to be very good Pokemon player. Police cars soon appear with the corrupt Captain McClam, who pinches Michael's ass, making him shit. Just then, Laden arrives with his "private motherfuckers" licensed to carry guns and protect Don Corleone, and takes Michael home (hoping they will make love, but Michelle refuses him off).

Satoshi and Captain McClam, who is acting as Satoshi’s boyfriend, request a meeting with Michael in the interest of romance. Michelle thinks to refuse, but Sunshine says they must be killed (saying "who ever pinches Sicilian's ass deserves to be killed). However, Michael convinces him that killing Satoshi and McClam would be "not personal, it's strictly...wait, did I say personal? Well, you know." The meeting happens, arranged at a busy restaurant in the Badlands. After being felt up by McClam, Michael says he needs to piss, so he goes to the bathroom and retrieves a planted banana gun, and immediately shoots Satoshi and McClam with point-blank-range shots to the head and testicles. Michael is sent to Middle of Nowhere while the Corleone family prepares for all-out war with the rest of the Five Families, who unite against the Flesh Turds.

While in Middle of Nowhere, Don Tomato, an old enemy of the family holds Michelle captive. While there, Michael falls in love and marries a local girl, Pamela Anderson, who eventually slipped on a banana peal and killed herself.

Admiral Ackbar attempts to stop Sunshine from leaving the house.

Meanwhile, back in New York, Don Corleone returns home from a rave and is happy to learn that Michael was the one who killed Satoshi and McClam. Some months later, in 1948, Sunshine severely beats Carlo Bastardo for beating his sister…at a game of scrabble. Later, on the order of a Smurf, Carlo beats Paris severely at snakes and ladders to lure Sunshine, despite Admiral Ackbar's warnings that “It’s a trap!” Furious, Sunshine drives off to harder beat up Carlo. On the way, he is literally bored to death at a closed tollbooth by off-duty ticket-takers.

After killing off-duty ticket-takers to avenge Sunshine, Don Corleone meets with the heads of the Five Families to arrange an end to the war because he is low on ammo. Hence commenced the famous Pokémon card game, the terms of which were “whoever wins gets to call the shots.” Don Vito loses and is forced to take part in the Pokémon trade, even selling them to children and is made to play cards with high-ranked members of the family every day, losing because he always sends Machop to battle against Alakazam.

Don Tomato lets Michelle home because he realizes Michelle is most boring man in the universe. A year later, Michael reunites with his former girlfriend, Jenna, telling her that he wants to make a pornographic movie with her. With the Don retired, Sunshine dead and Brother Freddie the frog considered incapable of running the family business, Michelle is now da man, and he claims that the family business "will soon be completely legitimate...wait, did I say legitimate?"

Michael goes to Las Venturas to try and relocate the family business, but smart mouth Homer Simpson doesn’t like Michael, so he refuses to let them. (After that, Homer complains he found out Michael never watches The Simpson's so that's why he refused).

Michael returns home. In a public meeting, Vito explains that the enemy families will attempt to kill Michelle by using an untrustworthy associate. Shortly afterwards, Don Vito dies after consuming a poisoned orange peel given to him by his psycho-killing-other-kids-around grandson Bugs Bunny.

During the funeral, Tesco (Corleone Clapo) proposes a meeting with the Twat family, which shows he is the traitor (or maybe tractor) that Vito was expecting.

Michelle arranges for a series of murders while he is standing as godfather for Paris’s and Carlo's son Michelle Ricey. Peter Griffin (Corleone Clapo) shoots Don Straw and his lovers with a shotgun as they exit a gay shop. Homer Simpson, while having an oral gay sex in one of his gay clubs, is shot in the ass by an unknown retard, causing him to explode into a menagerie of falling angels of sperm. Don Cunt, while leaving a whorehouse, is confused by a revolving door and fell unconscious in a sewer where he crushed his head. Don Smurf and a prostitute he is with are gunned down while in shed bed, later confusing the police with the amount of blood and semen coating the surface of the room. Finally, Don Twat is shot on the steps of a sex shop by Julius Caesar, who is disguised by wearing the severed face of Sunshine and clown clothes of Krusty the Clown.

Michael’s presence at the baptism gives him a perfect alibi for the murders. After the baptism, Tesco believes he and Michael are on their way to meet with Twat. Instead, he is taken away to be fucked. Before he is carried away, Tesco tells Tom Laden that he always hated Michael and his betrayal was simply fun and pleases him to never help him again. Laden didn't, however, as fucker had AIDS and Tesco also got AIDS. Since he's old, he died. Michael confronts Carlo Bastardo about Sunshine’s murder and tricks him into admitting his role in setting up the ambush. Michael tells Carlo that his punishment is to be ejected from a plane at 100,000 feet and hands him a plane ticket. Carlo agrees, but soon gets a knife in his ass in a Ferrarri. His body is then used by the family for post-mortem intercourse and making coats out of his skin. However, they threw all the coats in the sewer, because Bastardo got the telepathic powers that was forcing them to beat Paris's picture over and over and over.

The film finishes with Kofi Annan and John Travolta kissing Michelle's ass. That way, Michelle is the new godflounder, Don Mikey Vespa Corleone. (And an unknown epilogue: Michelle called Don Tomato and rewarded him with a condom full of sperm. Don Tomato happily agreed and drank it all, thinking it was yogurt. Don Tomato then awarded Michelle with dead twin of Pamela Anderson. Michelle put it in the basement for extra fun. Also, Freddie the frog is kissed by a girl named Hera the goddess bitch and he turned into man, but he had to do a brain surgery, so he could get IQ of 70,3. We all know that Fredo had -1,000,000 before doing a 5-year brain surgery. Surgery brain, brain, surgery, surgery, surgery, brain surgery, brain.)

Then comes the beginning of the second act.

The Characters

Don Vito Corleone-Punk bitch and the boss of the Flesh Turds. He's a homosexual, brutal and pedophile mafioso.


Michelle Corleone-He returned from one hour playthrough of Call of Duty 2 and after he iced two men, ran to Middle of Nowhere immediately. What kind of gangsta is he?


Sunshine Corleone-He is tha guy

Kay Adams-Michelle's blonde pathetic shemale.

Paris Hilton-Don Vito's daughter(hetrometrobisexual-meaning she'll fuck anything) he found on the junkyard. He's a whore and even guested in South Park. But, a gay named Mr. Rod showed her who the real bitch is!

Star Salaries

Al Pacino, James Caan and Diane Keaton all received 100 dollars for their roles on The Godfather, which they were slightly disappointed with. Marlon Brando, however, received 9,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 euros, 12 rupees, 20 lire and a peseta, which he gladly accepted. He also got to keep the weird instrument he put in his mouth during the shooting. Then he begged to keep the cat. The cat refused. Also, Pacino took the banana gun for himself, Caan took the tollbooth workers as gardeners and Diane took Michelle's fake dick. They had to pay for the stuff from their 100 and they now have only ripped clothing on their chest and nothing more.

Reaction

The film is widely accepted as the greatest film in cinema history, voted number one on most internet websites like Fresh-Tomatos.com and the IMDB. However, it is also the subject of great controversy. Ever since the films release, mass cults have formed. Often, people claimed The Godfather's Vito Corleone was made in the image of Jesus Christ. Evidence for this claim comes from the characters title:

God = Shows the religious side of Vito.

Father = Shows that his father is God.

Putting both words together gets the title "Godfather." Some people continue to believe he has the title because it sounds badass.

The film also arose the disease known as MCD (Marble Cheeks Disease). This disease is caught from when people try to be like Marlon Brando and put marbles in there mouth, only what they fail to realise is that this can lead to a very serious disease, depending on how clean the marbles are. People who still want to pretend to be Marlon Brando have to make sure they sterilise their marbles with bleech before putting them in their mouths.

Video Game

In 2006, Hollywood stole the Godfather concept to make there first video game, but only changed the great realistic nature of the movie to a terribly unrealistic grand theft auto style video game. It was exceedingly difficult to get Marlon Brando to do the voice-over because he is dead, so Hollywood hired Mel Gibson to enact his voice. To do this, Mel Gibson put marbles in his mouth and later suffered from MCD. The game was quite popular, earning 50,000 billion dollars and scoring a 101.9/10 on gamespot. Sequels are been talked about already.

The Godfather II: Attack of the Cuneos is set for a summer of 20,000 A.D. release. It is set in upper Manhattan on the northern part of Geonosis. The gameplay will switch from 3rd person shooter to Flight Simulator as you will be responsible for destroying the Cuneo's Mansion/Death Star clone in order to save the family. You will play as Jango Fett as he earns his way in the heart of old Don Vito Corleone who was recently revived with voodoo magic.


This article uses material from the "The Godfather" article on the Uncyclopedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.







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