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Up to date as of February 05, 2010
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From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

An accurate, artistic painting of the Middle of Nowhere
RANDOM WARNING!

This article is quite random. You might want to edit it so that it's actually about something!

"What? I didn't hear anything"
Voldemort when Chuck Norris spoke his name

“It's a nice neighborhood, a bit like Harlem..., for some reason theres a bit too much corn and it resembles iowa, but hell, its the middle of nowhere”
~ Some guy on the middle of nowhere
“Abandoned as a puppy, he was found by muriel, who lives in the middle of nowhere, with her husband eustace bagh. But creepy stuff happens in nowhere, its up to courage to save his new home!”
~ Freaky reporter guy on the middle of nowhere
“The middle of nowhere is in the middle... of nowhere.”
~ Captain Obvious on the middle of Nowhere
“It's in Montana.”
~ Some random guy on the middle of nowhere

The Middle of Nowhere also known as slough is located in Dingo-whoop-whoop, New(ish) South Wales, Australia. Starting at point 0 head north, take a left, keep going through We're Lostville, turn right at the Great Wall of China and if you see the Eiffel Tower, you know you're going the right way.

Some speculate that the middle of nowhere is really the event horizon of all black holes, since many people and things are sucked into it, and never go back to their original countries.

Contents

History

The Middle of Nowhere was first founded during the beginning of time by General Martok of the Klingon empire as a base on earth. However, Martok got greedy and was punished by Optimus Prime and the base was lost. Even after the Great Klingon-Human war of 3,141 A.C., the Middle of Nowhere remains one of the great bastions of human freedom. Everyone will have experienced being lost within the great and famous Middle of Nowhere, or somewhere on the outer fringes of Nowhere at some time in their life.

Things to see

Even though the middle of nowhere appears to be between W and H, scientists have proven that the middle of nowhere is located exactly on the H.

Middle of Nowhere is the home of the international Fridge Bank. Anything lost behind the fridge and not found within a day will be sent here for "safe keeping."

Several types of mobs exist in the Outer Fringes, as well as a turkey sandwich vendor.

Some people play tennis.

Some don't.

The world's largest dryer, you know, the one that steals one sock from each pair.

This is where the cooking channel is broad-casted

When you are in nowhere, you are simultaneously Now Here.

Outer Fringes Of Nowhere

The Outer Fringes Of Nowhere is a mid-level area where people can grind-quest or farm for Nowhere dollars (no cash value, except $10 per #100 NDG on Internet sites). There is rumored to be an advanced quest that requires a party of forty end-game characters to beat, but this is ludicrous.

The Exact Middle of Nowhere

The Exact Middle of Nowhere is the main city in The Middle of Nowhere. Its precise longitude, latitude and altitude have been shown very precisely using mathematical and geometric techniques (see below).

Mathematical proof of location

The location of the Exact Middle of Nowhere has been proven mathematically in several ways.

Proof by distance: The average distance to anywhere on the two sides of any euclidean plane running through the Exact Middle of Nowhere is equal.

Proof by balance: The Exact Middle of Nowhere is, of course, Nowhere's center of gravity.

Pythagoras-Bohr proof: The Exact Middle of Nowhere is one-third of the way along the line passing through the first and third points of the nine-point circle formed in the isosceles triangle formed along the lines that average pointing towards the closest place that is anywhere, and also halfway along the bisector of the three-dimensional oblong form with its eight points rotated 90 degrees from the convergence of the four closest places that are anywhere.

All of this proves the location of the famed city.

Popular culture

Many have written novels, etc. speculating what the rest of the middle of nowhere besides the USA may hold. "Star Trek" - a popular reality show in the 23rd and 24th centuries - takes place in a parallel universe where the USA was named the United Federation of Planets, and everyone goes on a road trip and finds themselves experiencing hallucinatory symptoms. Such as: feeling like being in a spaceship with warp drive, or seeing aliens.

Many of those novels lead to the USA, or the middle of nowhere, as well as (sometimes) recursion.

Nowhere, a more general place, is also very popularly used in popular culture.

Everyday usage

There are many erratic sides to a popular phrase, "the middle of nowhere":

  • While "the middle of nowhere" refers to "any place lacking population, interesting things, or defining characteristics" the real middle of nowhere is a very populated place (more than 300 million people), has many interesting things (Uncyclopedia), and has lots of defining characteristics (obesity).
  • While "nowhere" refers to "in no place" the real nowhere (or at least the middle part of it) is really a place.

Interesting "Facts"

  • The middle of nowhere is the Capital of the Republic of Nowhere. National past times include polluting water with politicians, lawyers, teachers, non-human-John-Howard-like-things, tax collectors, sports people, etc.
  • With a total land mass of 4 meters squared the population can reach as high as 23 million before mass migration takes hold and new countries of backwards people are formed. Such migrations include USA, New Zealand, Tasmania and New middle of nowhere.
  • The Middle of Nowhere is where the Bagge family lives with their cowardly dog Courage.

See also


This article uses material from the "The Middle of Nowhere" article on the Uncyclopedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.

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