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Up to date as of February 05, 2010

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Almighty ruler Smirnoff

Allegedly called Sex Fuel, vodka (Russian: Родная Водочка;Polish: wódka) is a water-like substance thought to have originated in Russia, though Scottish historians have found evidence that it came from "yer mother's s teats."

Anyway, it's a narcotic, radioactive, typically invisible gas, usually extracted from fermented pure vodkum (periodic element #35.) and is the most consumed product in Russia. Vodka usually has a vodka content ranging from 100 percent to 1000 percent vodka.

Vodka is the basis of a number of popular inhalations, including the Bloody Zieg Hail Mary, the Red October, the Vodka Martin and the Bullshit.Vodka is also the official national alcoholic beverage of Russia. It is also the official national bird, flower, anthem, currency, and language of Russia.

Vodka has unofficially ruled the country of Russia for the past 2000 years. Back when Christ was tooling around in the holy land, Vodka was busy getting people wasted. It is also the (underground town below Moscow) the liquid form of vodka was used by Plodpromimport (trading arm of KPSS) to take over the world by printing very to Russia, (then USSR) called 'National Snowballing Day'.

Nikolai Zhukovsky, inventor of vodka

In a vain attempt to fight back, the 'High Highland Council of the Swampies' decided to use the same dirty tactics but couldn't get the word 'vodka' translated to Russian. Finally it was bought for 1 *... How do you think Russians launched Sputnik ? They used vodka as rocket fuel.

Did you know?

  • ...in Soviet Russia, you drink Vodka! Thus, Vodka is the only thing that Russian Reversal doesn't work on. But technically, if we weren't on vodka, we would have figured that the Russian Reversal does work on vodka...
  • ...that the famous russian chemist, Mendeleev, was head of the imperial vodka comission? The comission declared vodka unfit for human consumption. It also decreed that the best vodka brewed for russian consumption has a 98% alcohol content. However, because of tax legislation, this is usually rounded up to 100%.
  • ...it is confirmed that having a shot (or a few bottles?) of Vodka before entering Chernobyl will protect you from radiation
  • ...Vodka and milk tastes like chocolate?
  • ...there is someone on some stupid kiddie website with the username Vodka?
  • ...Injecting vodka into a wang increases its size by 82%.
  • ...Is the same shit as nail polish remover?
  • ...Is the same shit as Polish nail remover?
  • ...Vodka has a mild amount of viagra in it. If you drink too much you will get a massive erection.
  • ...Vodka has a mild amount of alcohol in it. If you drink too much you will get drunk.
  • ...Vodka is used for stripping paint?
  • ...Capitalists are allergic to Vodka?
  • ...Russian blood is 78% Vodka?
  • ...In fact, THIS is the outside-of-Soviet-Russia-way of measuring the percent of alcohol in blood. In Soviet Russia , blood alcohol content measure YOU!
  • ...In Soviet Russia, Vodka drink you!!!
  • ...Дураки в западных странах не могут читать Русский без словаря... но когда они пьют водку, КГБ может залезть в голову и прочесть их мысли.
  • ...people in Western Nations actually can read the above Cyrillic script, despite it being in Cyrillic? Sorry KGB
  • ... A Gareth's favorite drink is vodka

Different types of Vodka

More explosive than semtex

Estonians drink Table-Vodka if they have a party or if they want to get drunk. In Estonia they have a Secret-Vodka too! It's much cheaper than Table-Vodka but it's quite hard to find it. By the way, Russians drink Vodka too.

Wiru White is the most famous vodka in Estonia. The son of Kalev, the creator of Estonia, visited Finland illegally and killed Finnish kids when being high on Wiru Walge's fumes.

Absolut Cut is a common type of Vodka that was invented by a guy that either couldn't spell or mistakenly left out a few letters. The bottle is supposed to immediately signify that the person drinking from it is an Absolute Cunt.

A common vodka based cocktail is Vodka & Red Bull which originates from ancient Russia, the two main ingredients in Vodka & Red Bull are naturally Vodka and a red bull.

In wealthy third-world countries Teens drink Vodka because they don't know any better.

See Also:


This article uses material from the "Vodka" article on the Uncyclopedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.







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