Yu-Gi-Oh!: Wikis


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Up to date as of February 05, 2010

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THIS ARTICLE NEEDS A STEAMROLLER!!!
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      Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Yugoslavia?
Only the super cool kids have the Duel Disc Launcher. Don't you want to be cool? Just look at that hair! Don't you want to look exactly like that?

Yu-Gi-Oh! (私はゲーだJapanese for "Yes, I am gay!") is a popular Japanese anime and manga by Kazuki Takahashi, a person known to be married to the money making millionare who invented something called Inuyasha. Yu-Gi-Oh! is about a little boy who, after relentless bullying, snaps and develops a psychotic, torture-loving dark side and the boy's menagerie of fake "friends" who only use him to advance themselves.

History

Yu-Gi-Oh was first created when Kazuki Takahashi's mom told him to stop playing Dungeons and Dragons and Magic the Gathering all the frickin' time; he needed a real job. He always liked drawing comic books that he showed to people at school, so Kazuki decided to write comic books about people playing games. While Kazuki eventually made everyone in his family mill-yen-aires, Kazuki's mom still nags him every night to stop playing Oregon Trail, the Wii, Jenga, Clock Solitaire, or whatever game Kazuki plays 24/7.

As the series developed, a greedy salesman offered Kazuki 10 billion yen to change the focus of his series to a commercially aggressive card game for young children. When that happened, the evil side of Yugi started to be dumbed down and all of the characters began to talk about how cool the card game was and how every child on the planet should at least buy a pack of cards.

Characters

An immature 12-year old boy from Kagawa Prefecture presented this rough draft of Sugoroku Mutou to the creators of Yu-Gi-Oh! The creators felt that Sugoroku would be better as a lecher of women than of young boys.
  • Yugi Mutou (Yugi Muto) - A young boy always being bullied who snaps and develops a dark side - Dark Yugi or Yu-Gi-Oh (Yami Yugi) Yugi thinks that Jonouchi is his best friend not knowing that Jonouchi only is pretending to be his friend because Jonouchi wants to use Dark Yugi against his enemies.
  • Dark Yugi a.k.a. Yu-Gi-Oh (Yami Yugi) - A lover of torture, Dark Yugi has read all of the CIA and KGB manuals and proceeds to make criminals and ne'er-do-wellers suffer. His ancient Egyptian powers can affect anyone who loses a game against him. He has blinded people, forced bowels to turn into liquid, and toppled multimillion CEOs by reducing them into homeless men eating garbage in San Francisco. His favorite fanfic is Agony in Pink because he likes seeing female Power Rangers cut to pieces. However as the series progresses Dark Yugi begins to grow a dopey grin as little Yugi's characteristics eat away at Dark Yugi's awesomeness. At the end Dark Yugi is better known as Top Crest Generic Action Hero #2329474, in stores now!
  • Katsuya Jonouchi (Joey Wheeler) - His mommy originally named him Tomoya, but his dad punched her in the face and forced her to rename him Katsuya. When his dad threw a beer bottle into the TV and gave the mother lots of bruises, the mother called it quits and took Shizuka, Jonouchi's sister, from the family. For the next several years the dad beat Jonouchi, forced him to walk in the snow with no clothes on, and gave Jonouchi tequila shots in his orange juice; that pissed off Jonouchi so much. Jonouchi took out his anger by shoving Yugi down stairs, throwing pieces of Yugi's puzzle from a school window and into a pool, and sending photographs of Yugi's furry costumes over Usenet. In addition, Jonouchi became a cholo by joining Hirutani's group while in middle school. With Hirutani Jonouchi beat up geeks and nerds, engaged in shootouts with the police, had great sex with gangster girls at parties, took lots of heroin, and acquired many guns. His good-for-nothing father spent his money at casinos and skipped the next month's rent, forcing Jonouchi to use his drug money to pay his school and housing expenses. After watching some great porn movies Jonouchi skinned his good-for-nothing father to death and began to pretend to be friends with Yugi. He then pushed Hirutani out of a ledge and took control of Hirutani's gang and that really cool abandoned warehouse. See, Jonouchi holds marijuana and a concubine there and he hasn't told anyone else except Honda.
  • Hiroto Honda (Tristan Taylor) - He can be described in one sentence: Whatever is good for Jonouchi is good for me, so I will always do what Jonouchi does and force Yugi to buy porno magazines. He once fell in love with a shy student librarian named Miho Nosaka. Upon confessing to his love to her she immediately reported a sexual assault attempt and the Tokyo court convicted Honda of sexual assault. Now Honda is a registered sex offender because of Miho. While in Japan, he can take a BB gun, fire it, and shoot Gary Coleman in the eye while Coleman is in Los Angeles. Because of this quality Honda maintains and stores all of Jonouchi's secret arms.
  • Anzu Mazaki (Téa "Tea" Coffee) - For a while she was the only person in the world who could honestly call herself Yugi's friend. Well, she still is the only real friend of Yugi, who does not realize that Jonouchi and Honda are only using him! She likes feeling Yugi's Care Bear briefs but she finds that Sugoroku Mutou is the one who actually has sexual intercourse with her. She doesn't like that, but that's too bad for her. The police never file any reports and instead join Sugoroku and the Lemonparty men in defiling her. She is involved with enjo kosai in order to get enough money to go to New York City and star in Debbie Does Dallas the play.
  • Seto Kaiba - For some reason all of the kids in Domino think that he is the coolest guy ever. Kaiba masturbates to torturing old men by forcing them into scary simulations of monsters until they get heart attacks and strokes, whacking little high school boys in their faces with metal briefcases, forcing teenagers onto an electric chair roller coaster ride (when they scream, they get shocked), having teenagers crushed by a real life Tetris simulation, and nurturing The Chopman, the best serial killer of all. After Dark Yugi sends him to a reeducation camp, Kaiba now comes off as an arrogant, upset jerk instead of a sadistic maniac.
  • Mokuba Kaiba - Kaiba's little brother Mokuba is an elementary school kid with a knife, an army of followers, and an abandoned warehouse (What is it with Yu-Gi-Oh! and abandoned warehouses, anyway?), Mokuba likes forcing kids to play Capsule Monsters until they lose. Then he calls The Chopman and other local child predators and arranges a kidnapping in exchange for money. He is responsible for Adam Walsh's disappearance. When police investigate the disappearances of kids Mokuba invites them to eat food prepared by the Kaiba family's butler. Of course this is a fancy version of Russian roulette, and Mokuba, who always cheats the games, always gets the police to eat poisoned food!
  • Ryo Bakura (Bakura) - The rather polite boy has a facade that hides an entity even more sadistic than Dark Yugi. Bakura invites kids to play Monster World, a role playing game. When his dark side, Dark Bakura, takes over, he traps the teenagers into lead figures and proceeds to have them become non-player characters that are shoved, abused, and robbed by the next set of players, who are doomed to become lead figures. As for what Bakura does to people he really hates, such as that chickenshit gym teacher named Karita, he has them raped over and over by Monster World RPG creatures. For the figures he hates but not that much, after Zorc rapes and tortures them they are slowly melted. For the ones Bakura really hates he keeps forever.
  • Sugoroku Mutou (Solomon Muto) - Always tracking Anzu's breast size, he started forcing her into bed when she became a high schooler. An avid pervert and expert in Egypt, he is unable to hold the contents of his bladder and his rectum for very long. Before Yugi was born and when Sugoroku still had his wife to bed, he found a puzzle in ancient Egypt. After cutting his naive guides to bits and stealing the puzzle from a stall also selling koshari and Coca-Cola, he smuggled the puzzle in his baggage and decided that it would make a better present than, you know, forcing Yugi to be practical!
  • Miho Nosaka (Melody) - In the manga Miho, the student librarian, calls the police on Honda when he confesses his love, forcing him to live as a sex offender for the rest of his life. However the first anime gave her a lobotomy and she is now the cheerleader at baseball games who always refers to herself in third person, says "like, totally!" every second sentence, and has sex with every single member of every athletic team in Domino High School. Anime!Miho's brain is half as large as the average human brain; this may explain why she likes Bakura.
  • Johji (Cedric) - Honda's sister gave birth to a baby named Johji after drinking lots of beer and smoking lots of cigarettes. For some reason Johji is intelligent AND sexy! He found out about Anzu and is now with her, Sugoroku, and the Lemonparty guys every night! And he worships Kaiba, believing that Kaiba is Jesus. Johji's favorite activities include squeezing Anzu's breasts, burying his face into Anzu's breasts, and shitting on the lap of Kaiba's butler.
  • Warashibe - In the first anime he is a crazy stalker dude who plans to rule Japan with an iron fist as a Capsule Monster king. As obsessed with Capsule Monsters as Mokuba, the university student also has an abandoned warehouse with a super-cool trap door and has a habit of saying English words used to get women such as "Baby," "My sweetheart," and "Honey." He eventually kidnaps Miho and makes her into his "Capmon Queen." By invigorating his Capsule Monsters with super special powers he overthrows Shinzo Abe, Yasuo Fukuda, and Junichiro Koizumi to become the Emperor of Japan. Warashibe and Miho die when he starts World War III and gets his abandoned warehouse blown to smithereens by an American missile.
  • Haiyama - In the first anime Haiyama has the gift of manipulating a larger boy, Kujirada, into doing what he wants (destroying other people's Tamagotchi game monsters) because Haiyama is the master of human manipulation and because the other boy is on Ritalin. Once Kujirada is defeated Haiyama kidnaps Miho and crucifies her like Jesus in his abandoned warehouse (as I said before, what is it about Yu-Gi-Oh! and abandoned warehouses?). Yugi and Honda come to save her after Haiyama keeps whipping her unmentionables. Haiyama manages to knock out Yugi with a well-placed punch to the nose and beats Honda to a pulp. By the time Dark Yugi is able to use his special powers to make his evil digital pet eat Haiyama alive, Miho died from suffocation. It was a real damn shame as Honda and Miho just won a trip to see Australia.
  • Saruwatari (Kemo) - The man, descended from a family of Goddamn Dirty Apes, works as a goon, though he can't decide if he works for Kaiba or Pegasus. Despite what his name would imply, his hair seems to be the source of his personality and tendancy to assault people and get the attention of duelists. However, rumors suggest that he is actually the embodiment of Just for Men. He has only appeared in the second series anime, and is not to be confused with his strikingly simmilar (yet faithful to name due to lack of hair-based powers) twin brother from the first anime, Kemo Therapy.

See Also

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This article uses material from the "Yu-Gi-Oh!" article on the Uncyclopedia wiki at Wikia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.







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